S versus N | INFJ Forum

S versus N

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by analyst, Jun 17, 2010.

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  1. analyst

    analyst Newbie

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    I'm in a relationship with an ESFJ. I am trying to hone in on the core differences between her S and my N. What can we learn from each other? What strengths do we each possess? What weaknesses do we need to help the other watch out for?


     
  2. Billy

    Billy Contents Under Pressure
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    heh good luck I dated an ISFJ for a long time... be prepared to bang your head into many a wall.
     
  3. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
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    Okay here's my advice. Whatever she tells you is probably the blunt, honest, truth. There is no hidden agenda in any argument she may have with you. You do not need to look past what she says and come to a conclusion about it.

    It's all about understanding, it's easy to get frustrated but if you take the time to explain things, things will go a lot smoother.
     
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  4. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    I'd say be very specific in what you say. I have an E/ISFP mum who needs exact times/dates of things, exactly what we're going to have for dinner, things like that.
    Just don't leave any abstractness :)
     
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  5. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
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    Oh god yes this. Many a time (especially with my mum) I'm just screaming "just effing spell it out!" in my head.

    All I need is who, what, and when, all the rest is just irrelevent.
     
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  6. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    Its a good thing that I am usually direct (I think)...
    I like things being spelled out too though, clarity ftw.

    I don't think S and N are totally different in this.
     
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  7. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
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    They are, but I think this is an S trait of yours. You're not 100% N thankfully.
     
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  8. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    Lol...hopefully no one is 100% *anything* because well...yeah. Makes it really hard to communicate.

    My mother is an ESTP and from trial and error, I think you should definitely remember that Sensors usually don't have hidden motives (which is refreshing). We Ns can jump to conclusions an awful lot and assume things that aren't there (especially if we use Ne too much).

    Sometimes Sensors say the things you're thinking, or you'll say something that they'll freak out over because they were thinking the same thing.

    Treat each other as equals; remind one another that you both have strengths and weaknesses.

    Let her help dress you. She'll match you well. :D She also wants to give and receive practical things or things the general public would say is nice. Try taking her to Sensory places you'd might both like: Amusement parks, museums, zoos, concerts, funky restaurants, etc. And REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES OFTEN! Those, "first month of our going out" stuff and "day after our first kiss" things seem to go well.
     
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  9. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    I think the INFJ's relationship with ESFJ is an...Enigma or something? Reaching the same conclusion using entirely different framework.

    ESFJs are all about principles. They want people to be sure of themselves (and grounded in 'reality' as most S would). When talking about females, they're very maternal. They're more subjective and understanding when it comes to differences.

    In my case with my own ESFJ sister, we uses a reverse train of thought / order of beliefs and hence...it can get pretty heated even when we actually agreed on things. Things, not 'how we get here'.
     
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  10. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
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    What I was trying to say, in better words. Thank you.
     
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  11. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    You just explained what I'd wanted to say :mhula:
     
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  12. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
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    I disagree with this. Be understanding but if you need to comprimise who you are then it's all doomed to fail.

    As soon as you bend to expectations then you expect your partner to bend to yours.
     
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  13. Matariki

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    An ESFJ?

    Damn, why do the ENTP's miss out?
     
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  14. OP
    analyst

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    All good points. My Enneagram is 2 for the person who asked- helpfulness...

    I figured out some specific examples of S versus N once I asked the question. Example:

    We were making dinner, and she was cutting the vegetables while I emptied the dishwasher (and I was ultimately doing the cooking). I plopped different some vegetables and 2 tupperware containers in front of her and said "go" (we're vegetarians). No further instructions, which is very N like.

    Her S kicked in pretty quickly, and she cutely asked "what are we making? How much of each thing do you want cut? How do you want it cut? And in which container do you want each of them?" To my N, it didn't matter- cut some veggies and I'll make dinner. To her S, she needed more specific direction.
     
  15. OP
    analyst

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    You act as if I'm a score, or something ;-)
     
  16. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
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    Oh haha! This is a really good example of S and N in action, I love it. Also, the interaction is damn cute, indeed ^^.
    This really help me understand (or rather, see in myself) which behaviours are more S and more N. Even better, that I seem to be/do both in pretty similar quantities, I guess.
    Added to that, I use Si (give me all the info I need to do this task) when I'm feeling scared and stressed, but the more I relax and feel confidant in my abilities, the more I use N. Shows which I'm dominant in, and therefore more comfortable using (at least to me).
     
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  17. magister343

    magister343 Permanent Fixture

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    Those all seems quite reasonable questions which I would certainly have asked, but I'm definitely a strong intuitive. I don't think it is an N vs S thing so much as an Ni/Se vs Si/Ne thing. If anything Ne would make her more likely to consider how there are so many different possibilities she could use which would strongly influence the final result.
     
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  18. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
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    Okay, but not sure that's an S vs N thing.
     
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  19. Rogue

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    In my experience the ESFJ can be very manipulative...Yes they can be very blunt and honest. I think because they can form their values/lives around who they are hanging with at the time, they can get caught up trying to meet their needs without their "source" really knowing it to avoid being kicked out of their peer group.
     
  20. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    Well, remember that a few other things play into some of this --

    The F in ESFJs will determine a lot of their social rigidity, and the J will determine how scheduled and exact they are in doing things. ESFJs are Fe dominate (which does work well with INFJ's secondary Fe), so the big difference lies in Si versus Ni.

    Basically, the S type will be more concerned with solid, spacial details; how things are laid out and how they appeal to the senses. They are more into the details than the big picture. They tend to have an easier time remember dates, names, specific facts -- those little things that a strong N type tends to easily overlook. They may see the N partner as being spacey or disorganized.
    On the other hand, the N type will be more future-oriented; they will see the big picture, and sometimes worry too much about it. They will predict things, and sometimes get annoyed with the S partner doesn't seem to "get" what they naturally and easily deduce. They aren't as concerned with the physical layout as with the abstract layout of things -- in other words, how the future, the relationship, the "vibe" is playing out tends to be of much greater importance than the color scheme of the livingroom.
     
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