Actually I noted that the two tend to go hand in hand for me in another thread. Sometimes they are separate(ie when I'm not in a relationship), but any serious romantic feelings towards another human being are all encompassing for me.
Well, correct, but it's also possible to want sex without any sort of emotional intimacy; and since, people all time time isolate how high someones sex drive is, this thread is isolation how high someones 'romance drive' or 'emotionally intimacy' needs are, and it is intended to be separated from sexual intimacy needs.
When you're asked how high your sex drive is, you don't imply you have cravings to talk to someone for hour and hours about your inner most deep feelings- that's emotional intimacy.
If we can separate sexual intimacy from emotional intimacy why can't we separate emotional from the sexual?
I believe it is possible.
I get where you are coming from Slant, its just for me personally I've never been able to enjoy a sex only relationship. It is hollow and leaves me emotionally wrecked. Likewise if the relationship is only emotional, no touching, only head and heart...it will eventually die. To a large extent this is why I cannot engage in a relationship only over the internet or the phone, having no memories of the smell of the woman I have feelings for...the feel of her skin, the sensations of my fingers running through her hair, it eventually founders and dies as well. I must have balance of intimacy, while I may crave one over the other when I am alone...I know that only fulfilling one side of this only leaves me depressed.
If you can compartmentalize and retain balance in your needs and desires then more power to you. I just wanted you to know where I stand on this.
I don't see that as oxymoronic at all. Far from it.I'm a romantic INTP, oxymoron though it may seem. Happily, I have had lovely romance for all of my 34 years of marriage. There was a time when my INFJ younger son, seeing my wife and I hugging, doing other PDA's, etc., would comment "how romantic" in the most obnoxious and annoying way. He stopped saying it at a certain age. And, it didn't stop us anyway--we kept on with the hugs, romance, etc. Still do, and both sons are out of the house.
...mutual self-disclosure and developing trust and security--investing emotions and letting the emotions grow and deepen...
I don't see that as oxymoronic at all. Far from it.
Aspirational Fe typically means that emotions are focused on very few individuals (possibly even only a single person), but when they exist they are of an extremely rare intensity and purity.
I am a strong INTP, and I'm not sure I know anyone more romantic than myself. I know I'm more romantic than my INFP mother, and way more romantic than my INTJ father or especially my (ISFJ?) sister. When I finally expressed my feelings to my (unrequited) first love (and now, years later, good friend), an INFJ, I got the impression that she may consider me more sensitive and romantic than she is.
In general, introverts desire more intimacy than extroverts. In the Eysenck model, introverts are those with high default levels of cortical arousal, and extroverts low levels. The Yerkes-Dodson law shows that humans (and other animals too, I think) are more comfortable and productive under moderate arousal/stress. (Well, technically, over-stressing causes no detriment in accomplishing extremely simple tasks, but those are rare in the real world). Social interaction of any kind can be a significant stressor, but strangers cause far more cortical arousal than close friends. Everyone needs and craves some social interaction, but strong introverts need to limit this to a few intimate friends rather than large groups of acquaintances in order to avoid the sort of stress on which extroverts thrive.
I'd guess that romance is also strongly correlated with Intuition (of either attitude) and Extroverted Feeling. There is some Introverted Sensing correlation too, especially when it comes to reminiscing about meaningful events in a couple's past and recalling how one felt but also when it comes to cliches like bringing flowers and chocolates. I think it may be my strong Tertiary Si and corresponding nearly eidetic memory of emotionally resonant events that can give me a romantic edge over an INFJ. A highly stressed INTP would tend to shift towards the use of Si and Fe, making him more conventially demonstratives of love if he has a partner to whom to show it, making hard times more likely to bring a couple closer together instead of tearing them apart.
I've read before that while NFs (especially INFJs) tend to be the most loyal and committed to their current relationships, NTs (especially INTPs) tend to be the most loyal over the course fo a lifetime, and have the hardest type abandoning a lost love. NFs tend towards serial monogamy; NTs, true monogamy. I also read a study showing many traits associated with Intuition to be strongly correlated with a desire for monogamy in men, but there was no correlation among women. It claimed the lack of the trend in women is because society teaches women to be just as mongamous, but I wonder if it might also be because most N women are NFs instead of NTs.
Not that I put much faith in Enneagrams, but INTPs are typically 5w4s in that system, and 4 is strongly associated with romance.
That was such INTP post I can't even help but laugh. I don't think I agree with all of it. But thats another thread entirely.
But wasn't it ROMANTIC?
Of course, he kind of lost me after "Eysenk model..." and "Yerkes-Dodson Law" but then completely redeemed himself after "...making hard times more likely to bring a couple closer together instead of tearing them apart."
I approve and would give it about a 10 on the romanticometer.