Relationship mess - I need help! | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

Relationship mess - I need help!

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Carlotta, Dec 15, 2019.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 14 users.
More threads by Carlotta
  1. Professor Snep

    Professor Snep Smart. Sexy. Snep.

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2017
    Threads:
    0
    Messages:
    2,055
    Likes Received:
    7,643
    Trophy Points:
    1,182
    MBTI:
    Potions
    Enneagram:
    Leviosaaaa
    How about you try to be the person you want to be and that makes you happy?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Ren, slant, Reason and 1 other person like this.
  2. BlackHorse

    BlackHorse Community Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2018
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    121
    Featured Threads:
    4
    Likes Received:
    441
    Trophy Points:
    922
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Sure, don't let anyone stop you :innocent:
     
    Ren, slant, Reason and 1 other person like this.
  3. Professor Snep

    Professor Snep Smart. Sexy. Snep.

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2017
    Threads:
    0
    Messages:
    2,055
    Likes Received:
    7,643
    Trophy Points:
    1,182
    MBTI:
    Potions
    Enneagram:
    Leviosaaaa
    :m150:
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Ren likes this.
  4. JustPhil

    Donor

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2019
    Threads:
    8
    Messages:
    394
    Featured Threads:
    6
    Likes Received:
    1,726
    Trophy Points:
    912
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    AU
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Ahh well there in a nutshell is perhaps my problem.

    I think similar to some men not liking strong independent women, that women feel that their own domain is being infringed upon when a man shows more emotional intelligence than they do. In both cases its like "hey, I'm the man and you're the woman". Generations of society at work.
     
    Ren, BlackHorse and Hostarius like this.
  5. Hostarius

    Hostarius Thermobaric

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2018
    Threads:
    34
    Messages:
    9,737
    Featured Threads:
    17
    Likes Received:
    69,295
    Trophy Points:
    4,131
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Perfidious Albion
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    What do you mean 'your problem', phil?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Ren and BlackHorse like this.
  6. JustPhil

    Donor

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2019
    Threads:
    8
    Messages:
    394
    Featured Threads:
    6
    Likes Received:
    1,726
    Trophy Points:
    912
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    AU
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    as to why I'm single! :tearsofjoy: .. I think want deeper relationships with people. I shy away quickly from mundane topics and tend to want to get to the "guts" of things. So do that with some women and they perhaps feel as if they've lost that ground they held.

    Or maybe I'm just an old ugly fart :)

    One of the two or maybe both of them :hearteyes:
     
  7. Rit4lin

    Rit4lin Community Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2020
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    361
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2,210
    Trophy Points:
    1,052
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    England
    MBTI:
    INxx
    Eh now Philly boy don't be so hard on yourself, I reckon you're a beautiful man based solely on your profile picture. From my vast experience in life though of only recently navigating the slippery social slopes of secondary school and Sixth Form/College, it is a fine line for what is expected of guys when one starts to debate how 'masculine' one has to be whilst exhibiting qualities some would consider more 'femme'. Ultimately though - and I reinforce again for what it's worth the lack of years experience unlike other people here - it is subjective. I have seen women go for guys that are a balance of both; guys that are douchebags or abusive; guys who seemingly reject all notions of traditional masculinity. Yes, undeniably there are simple biological and psychological traits both sexes naturally go for in a certain degree, but if there's any time for such traditional attractions to start being of less import than they were even a century ago, it's
    As cliche as it is,I do believe it is simply about finding the right person you connect with, because there are always people out there you tick the 'relationship criteria' for.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Daustus, Ren, JustPhil and 2 others like this.
  8. Hostarius

    Hostarius Thermobaric

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2018
    Threads:
    34
    Messages:
    9,737
    Featured Threads:
    17
    Likes Received:
    69,295
    Trophy Points:
    4,131
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Perfidious Albion
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    You're just an intuitive. That's little to do with gender or attraction.

    Don't deny yourself this truth or try to conform.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Daustus, Ren, Reason and 1 other person like this.
  9. Hostarius

    Hostarius Thermobaric

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2018
    Threads:
    34
    Messages:
    9,737
    Featured Threads:
    17
    Likes Received:
    69,295
    Trophy Points:
    4,131
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Perfidious Albion
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    'When you love someone, you’ve gotta trust them, there’s no other way. You’ve got to give them the key to everything that’s yours… otherwise what’s the point?

    And for a while, I believed, that’s the kind of love I had *car explodes*'
    - 'Ace' Rothstein, Casino (1995)
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Ren, btg3ar, Rit4lin and 5 others like this.
  10. Peppermint

    Peppermint Well-known member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2009
    Threads:
    27
    Messages:
    3,621
    Likes Received:
    7,574
    Trophy Points:
    877
    MBTI:
    _
    Enneagram:
    _
    I don't know why but I feel like this could be in a synthwave/nrw video
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Ren, Pin, Reason and 1 other person like this.
  11. Reason

    Reason Positively Toxic

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2017
    Threads:
    51
    Messages:
    5,409
    Featured Threads:
    33
    Likes Received:
    30,266
    Trophy Points:
    3,462
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The Roaring 20s
    MBTI:
    INTP
    I love Casino! :hearteyes:
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  12. Hostarius

    Hostarius Thermobaric

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2018
    Threads:
    34
    Messages:
    9,737
    Featured Threads:
    17
    Likes Received:
    69,295
    Trophy Points:
    4,131
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Perfidious Albion
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    Lol, I'm just watching it. Done Goodfellas and the Godfather trilogy, so my gangster fill is almost complete this year.

    One is still my favourite. :hearteyes:
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  13. Hostarius

    Hostarius Thermobaric

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2018
    Threads:
    34
    Messages:
    9,737
    Featured Threads:
    17
    Likes Received:
    69,295
    Trophy Points:
    4,131
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Perfidious Albion
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    Hey @Pin. All men should watch Casino as a cautionary tale against entanglements with crazy bitches.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Reason, Professor Snep and Pin like this.
  14. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    8,768
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    31,807
    Trophy Points:
    2,877
    MBTI:
    ENTJ
    Enneagram:
    3w4, 3-8-7
    Just asked my buddy if he wants to watch it tomorrow, he owns the film and has been recommending that we watch it for years.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Reason, Ren and Hostarius like this.
  15. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    8,768
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    31,807
    Trophy Points:
    2,877
    MBTI:
    ENTJ
    Enneagram:
    3w4, 3-8-7
    @Hostarius

    Anyway, I think that love is possible but more than love, I want power. Maybe there's something wrong with me, I don't know.

    It would be nice to be loved by a woman but there's just so much more to life.

    Is there something wrong with me? Am I broken?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Ren, Hostarius and In the Wings like this.
  16. larcipelago

    larcipelago Community Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2020
    Threads:
    13
    Messages:
    158
    Featured Threads:
    6
    Likes Received:
    381
    Trophy Points:
    528
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    ?
    @Pin you are just like Hitler and Al Pacino. You are not broken buddy
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Ren, Hostarius, slant and 1 other person like this.
  17. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    8,768
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    31,807
    Trophy Points:
    2,877
    MBTI:
    ENTJ
    Enneagram:
    3w4, 3-8-7
    Cool, maybe I'm an INFJ after all then. :laughing:
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Ren and Hostarius like this.
  18. larcipelago

    larcipelago Community Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2020
    Threads:
    13
    Messages:
    158
    Featured Threads:
    6
    Likes Received:
    381
    Trophy Points:
    528
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    ?
    @dragulagu . Thanks for the advise bro. This forum helps, but I can imagine may be nothing can replace a direct conversation, where all the INFJs are able to interpret. The first time I posted my thought in such forum I already felt a strong urge from my heart to : "keep your dirty little secret, all the deceit tricks, the intention reading ability, and mind bender thingy for yourself dude!."

    "I feel like OK I am staying in the corner again and do what INFJs are best doing."

    Dear @Pin I can share u. If u want the Hitler, Al Pacino paths, you can harness your mind bender gift. I have felt the power not because of my profession as a journalist. In many times I gave little advises to people I see potentials, just like investment. At the time you need an army, they are your loyal soldiers. It is those people you help bits by bits who idolizes you are the ones you can trust most. Your enemy will fear you as they cannot guess your next moves and who your backers are. You will be mysterious as you are as noone can guess how powerful you could be.
    But again, it is the power you trully seek in response to the conditions you experience or just a question of how to be a better version of you?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Pin and dragulagu like this.
  19. larcipelago

    larcipelago Community Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2020
    Threads:
    13
    Messages:
    158
    Featured Threads:
    6
    Likes Received:
    381
    Trophy Points:
    528
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    ?
    In my eyes a woman with this character is also powerful and heartbreaker. They dont need to be submissive. In fact, their strong determination and sensitivity when bonding with you are the beauty that makes all the boys fall in love with. In my experience I only need seconds to know if I come across an INFJ lady. In many cases I only make a good friend with them with clear boundaries. I dont want to mess with an INFJ lady. Hehe
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    dragulagu likes this.
  20. dragulagu

    dragulagu Galactic Explorer

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2019
    Threads:
    53
    Messages:
    1,822
    Featured Threads:
    10
    Likes Received:
    8,689
    Trophy Points:
    1,177
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Andromeda
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    549
    No problem. I do get the gist on why you did them and kept silent in your current situation. But what I've read here just gives me a part of the whole picture.

    - Your ex-wife was in the middle of her studies as a doctor, these studies are long, hard and stressful. Becoming and being a doctor was very important to her. Your relationship took a toll on this, it eventually didn't work out, you both broke up.
    - Your then new gf felt she was in a position of being there to fill an emotional space, you still were emotionally connected to your ex. It didn't work out, you both broke up.
    - Your current wife's character is hard to bend? After a certain age a person's character is settled. You'll have to live with that.

    We all make mistakes, a lot of them subconciously and we all learn from them. That's life.
    That's why I'm giving you this advice on your current situation, the counceling will give a fuller picture for both of you, as this is a problem between both you and your wife. And hopefully you'll find that Chemistry again.

    You have children now and you're prioritizing them above anything, which is excellent. How a relation works between the parents and their children is so important in the early stages of their lives.
    My parents did have their fights in my younger years (INFJ mother, INTP father), which has its impact on me. However, they're still together after 30+ years and are doing fine, as am I.

    Anyway, I don't have the personal experience of being married and having children myself, so that's the last reply I'm doing on the whole situation.
    Plus this is not why I'm here on this forum anyway, I don't like doing these kind of advice posts here. I'm just here for learning (and getting the occasional push forward myself ;) ).
     
    #60 dragulagu, Jan 5, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2020
    larcipelago, JustPhil and Hostarius like this.
Loading...

Share This Page