Relationship mess - I need help! | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

Relationship mess - I need help!

Yes, definitely. I think it's natural for women to want masculine men and men want feminine women. Of course there are exeptions to the rule but usually men ''have to be'' strong, they have to provide and and do all that manly shit, women on the other hand need to be a bit emotional, also more submissive etc
That's usually how it works and what we are attracted to in opposite sex.
How about you try to be the person you want to be and that makes you happy?
 
Yes, definitely. I think it's natural for women to want masculine men and men want feminine women. Of course there are exeptions to the rule but usually men ''have to be'' strong, they have to provide and and do all that manly shit, women on the other hand need to be a bit emotional, also more submissive etc
That's usually how it works and what we are attracted to in opposite sex.

Ahh well there in a nutshell is perhaps my problem.

I think similar to some men not liking strong independent women, that women feel that their own domain is being infringed upon when a man shows more emotional intelligence than they do. In both cases its like "hey, I'm the man and you're the woman". Generations of society at work.
 
Ahh well there in a nutshell is perhaps my problem.

I think similar to some men not liking strong independent women, that women feel that their own domain is being infringed upon when a man shows more emotional intelligence than they do. In both cases its like "hey, I'm the man and you're the woman". Generations of society at work.
What do you mean 'your problem', phil?
 
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What do you mean 'your problem', phil?

as to why I'm single! :tearsofjoy: .. I think want deeper relationships with people. I shy away quickly from mundane topics and tend to want to get to the "guts" of things. So do that with some women and they perhaps feel as if they've lost that ground they held.

Or maybe I'm just an old ugly fart :)

One of the two or maybe both of them :hearteyes:
 
as to why I'm single! :tearsofjoy: .. I think want deeper relationships with people. I shy away quickly from mundane topics and tend to want to get to the "guts" of things. So do that with some women and they perhaps feel as if they've lost that ground they held.

Or maybe I'm just an old ugly fart :)

One of the two or maybe both of them :hearteyes:

Eh now Philly boy don't be so hard on yourself, I reckon you're a beautiful man based solely on your profile picture. From my vast experience in life though of only recently navigating the slippery social slopes of secondary school and Sixth Form/College, it is a fine line for what is expected of guys when one starts to debate how 'masculine' one has to be whilst exhibiting qualities some would consider more 'femme'. Ultimately though - and I reinforce again for what it's worth the lack of years experience unlike other people here - it is subjective. I have seen women go for guys that are a balance of both; guys that are douchebags or abusive; guys who seemingly reject all notions of traditional masculinity. Yes, undeniably there are simple biological and psychological traits both sexes naturally go for in a certain degree, but if there's any time for such traditional attractions to start being of less import than they were even a century ago, it's
As cliche as it is,I do believe it is simply about finding the right person you connect with, because there are always people out there you tick the 'relationship criteria' for.
 
as to why I'm single! :tearsofjoy: .. I think want deeper relationships with people. I shy away quickly from mundane topics and tend to want to get to the "guts" of things. So do that with some women and they perhaps feel as if they've lost that ground they held.

Or maybe I'm just an old ugly fart :)

One of the two or maybe both of them :hearteyes:
You're just an intuitive. That's little to do with gender or attraction.

Don't deny yourself this truth or try to conform.
 
'When you love someone, you’ve gotta trust them, there’s no other way. You’ve got to give them the key to everything that’s yours… otherwise what’s the point?

And for a while, I believed, that’s the kind of love I had *car explodes*'
- 'Ace' Rothstein, Casino (1995)
 
'When you love someone, you’ve gotta trust them, there’s no other way. You’ve got to give them the key to everything that’s yours… otherwise what’s the point?

And for a while, I believed, that’s the kind of love I had *car explodes*'
- 'Ace' Rothstein, Casino (1995)

I don't know why but I feel like this could be in a synthwave/nrw video
 
'When you love someone, you’ve gotta trust them, there’s no other way. You’ve got to give them the key to everything that’s yours… otherwise what’s the point?

And for a while, I believed, that’s the kind of love I had *car explodes*'
- 'Ace' Rothstein, Casino (1995)
I love Casino! :hearteyes:
 
Hey @Pin. All men should watch Casino as a cautionary tale against entanglements with crazy bitches.
Just asked my buddy if he wants to watch it tomorrow, he owns the film and has been recommending that we watch it for years.
 
@Deleted member 16771

Anyway, I think that love is possible but more than love, I want power. Maybe there's something wrong with me, I don't know.

It would be nice to be loved by a woman but there's just so much more to life.

Is there something wrong with me? Am I broken?
 
@larcipelago Anyway, from what I've re-read from your post, there is a lot going on in your relationship. And honestly, this is just far too many unresolved things to delve into.
I'd just say to go for professional relationship counciling with your wife, you have a life with her, you have your children. You have your own feelings off course, but so does she.

@dragulagu . Thanks for the advise bro. This forum helps, but I can imagine may be nothing can replace a direct conversation, where all the INFJs are able to interpret. The first time I posted my thought in such forum I already felt a strong urge from my heart to : "keep your dirty little secret, all the deceit tricks, the intention reading ability, and mind bender thingy for yourself dude!."

"I feel like OK I am staying in the corner again and do what INFJs are best doing."

Dear @Pin I can share u. If u want the Hitler, Al Pacino paths, you can harness your mind bender gift. I have felt the power not because of my profession as a journalist. In many times I gave little advises to people I see potentials, just like investment. At the time you need an army, they are your loyal soldiers. It is those people you help bits by bits who idolizes you are the ones you can trust most. Your enemy will fear you as they cannot guess your next moves and who your backers are. You will be mysterious as you are as noone can guess how powerful you could be.
But again, it is the power you trully seek in response to the conditions you experience or just a question of how to be a better version of you?
 
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How about you try to be the person you want to be and that makes you happy?

In my eyes a woman with this character is also powerful and heartbreaker. They dont need to be submissive. In fact, their strong determination and sensitivity when bonding with you are the beauty that makes all the boys fall in love with. In my experience I only need seconds to know if I come across an INFJ lady. In many cases I only make a good friend with them with clear boundaries. I dont want to mess with an INFJ lady. Hehe
 
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@dragulagu . Thanks for the advise bro. This forum helps, but I can imagine may be nothing can replace a direct conversation, where all the INFJs are able to interpret. The first time I posted my thought in such forum I already felt a strong urge from my heart to : "keep your dirty little secret, all the deceit tricks, the intention reading ability, and mind bender thingy for yourself dude!."

"I feel like OK I am staying in the corner again and do what INFJs are best doing."

No problem. I do get the gist on why you did them and kept silent in your current situation. But what I've read here just gives me a part of the whole picture.

- Your ex-wife was in the middle of her studies as a doctor, these studies are long, hard and stressful. Becoming and being a doctor was very important to her. Your relationship took a toll on this, it eventually didn't work out, you both broke up.
- Your then new gf felt she was in a position of being there to fill an emotional space, you still were emotionally connected to your ex. It didn't work out, you both broke up.
- Your current wife's character is hard to bend? After a certain age a person's character is settled. You'll have to live with that.

We all make mistakes, a lot of them subconciously and we all learn from them. That's life.
That's why I'm giving you this advice on your current situation, the counceling will give a fuller picture for both of you, as this is a problem between both you and your wife. And hopefully you'll find that Chemistry again.

You have children now and you're prioritizing them above anything, which is excellent. How a relation works between the parents and their children is so important in the early stages of their lives.
My parents did have their fights in my younger years (INFJ mother, INTP father), which has its impact on me. However, they're still together after 30+ years and are doing fine, as am I.

Anyway, I don't have the personal experience of being married and having children myself, so that's the last reply I'm doing on the whole situation.
Plus this is not why I'm here on this forum anyway, I don't like doing these kind of advice posts here. I'm just here for learning (and getting the occasional push forward myself ;) ).
 
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