Random people I don't know telling me to be careful with ENTP friend

[WellNoWonder]

I have mentioned this ENTP friend of mine several times. He is a very popular DJ/producer in the house music community, so he knows loads of people.

It seems as if every time we are out together, there are random people coming up to me and saying:

"Be careful with him."

"He's not what he appears."

"He's not a nice guy."

We are not in a relationship. But it may appear that way since we do sometimes attend functions together. And I pretty much know the scoop on him because we have been very honest with each other.

Anyway, when we first met, he told me that this would happen, and the first time it did happen, I told him. He appeared so full of angst that I've chosen not to say anything after that first time. I don't know. In a way, I think he should know because I don't like people who smile in folks' faces and then talk about them behind their backs. But then, I don't like seeing him sad either, so I don't wanna say anything to kill his normally happy mood.

I don't get people. So I'm not understanding why some people I don't know would come out of nowhere and say stuff like this.

This is sort of difficult for me, so much that I've withdrawn from him a lot and it's really not fair to him or me. The whole thing is making me suspicious from a logical standpoint, but in my heart, I feel he is misunderstood.

Can anyone give me any insight into what may be going on here? This has been bugging me a bit. Thanks ahead.

 

[Morgain]

I just had almost the same experience with an ENTP myself. But it was someone I don't know in real life so maybe that doesn't count!

It was someone me and a friend of mine knew on the internet. One day I got an email from my friend because he had posted something on her blog and she felt really awkward with it, like he was manipulating her. Her emotions where very strong and I felt them trough the screen while reading her mail. So strong that I also started to feel scared and suspicious. But that feeling went away. I didn't felt that he manipulated me and I really liked talking to him. Somehow we connected, although we disagreed on many topics. There was something special about our conversations. But now all the sudden he has ended all contact with me.

Now I don't know what to think about it. Somehow I feel that he has been manipulating me. I don't know Maybe it is the way ENTP's act that make people suspicious. I think the one I know can play an act in which he acted to be more of a feeler, in touch with my feelings, giving me a sense of security. But behind that is a more cool brain at work. I believed we connected and stuff, but now I think we are way to different for that. It was an illusion. So tis can have two explanations, 1 he nows his effect on me and uses that for whatever reason or 2 he is not aware of it. He tries to come my way but can't hold to the image all the time.

this is all crap and I can't give you any advise on your situation. I would only say, listen to your own heart and not to the advise of others ... but ... be careful! Not everything is what it seems at first sight. And don't let him take over control, remain centered in who you are!

 

[christmas]

I come across something similar in my travels. People telling me that such and such person is annoying, or bad, it just made me want to find out more about the person. Why people think negatively about him or her. The guard is always up even when it's down, so just tell folks not to worry you got it handled.

 

[BlinkandThink]

I feel strange trying to speak on behalf of ENTPs, because we're all different, and anyone who says otherwise is a bit full of crap (including any ENTP who uses the "we" speak).


So, I'll just speak for myself...

I think my behavior can be misinterpreted because I say exactly what I think, but what I think changes. And people cannot see how quickly my thoughts can change as I take in new information.

So if I say something like "I don't like apples," the act of saying that might make me curious to try to find out if there is an apple I like. I do this and then find the apple. So the next day, the person sees me eating an apple and it makes the original statement look like a lie when it was actually the truth. But if I share every single change of thought I have out loud, it would be clear that there's no reason to doubt me, but I would drive everyone insane.

It's easy for someone who doesn't know me to assume I'm insincere, when that's actually the complete opposite of what I am. But there are many things I only mean for a day. The things I mean continuously are clear, because they present themselves over and over and over again. So someone would need to ignore my cloud and see through to the core beneath it. I know that I'm a good person, and I know that anyone who doesn't understand this just doesn't understand me. And I can make that statement with complete confidence.



That being said, just remember the risks that are always involved when dealing with other people because everyone is fallible, know what's important to you, and everything will be fine ...



ADD: I also have some major problems with follow-through that can lead people to think i don't mean what I say, even though I do ----> Exhibit A: http://forum.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=7556

 

[Morgain]

synchronicity is ruling my day

BlinkandThink:
could you say you (or ENTP's en general) manipulate people sometimes?
Do you sometimes give other people the feeling that you connect with them, are interested in them, care for them, but in reality you are only interested to refine your own visions and theories and you can drop them whenever you know what you needed to know?

I'm sorry if this is really harsh, just want to understand that guy!

 

[WellNoWonder]

synchronicity is ruling my day

could you say you (or ENTP's en general) manipulate people sometimes?
Do you sometimes give other people the feeling that you connect with them, are interested in them, care for them, but in reality you are only interested to refine your own visions and theories and you can drop them whenever you know what you needed to know?

I'm sorry if this is really harsh, just want to understand that guy!

eek.. *nail-biting*

Something he does...he has all these buddies...but they are all connected in the music business world somehow. I think even the women he's dated were business partners, or eventually became a business partner, and they still were business partners after breaking up.

No..freaking...wonder....he has been hassling me about forming a dance crew of some sort...

not to say it's selfish, but it would probably help define his own vision of the culture.

holy crappola

 

[WellNoWonder]

I come across something similar in my travels. People telling me that such and such person is annoying, or bad, it just made me want to find out more about the person. Why people think negatively about him or her. The guard is always up even when it's down, so just tell folks not to worry you got it handled.

I actually had to tell someone this. And I felt bad afterwards because I didn't say it so nicely. What's kind of bothering me too, is that I've turned into this watchdog for the ENTP, and I feel alone and drained doing it. I don't wanna even share the smallest detail of me in defense of him with him.

 

[Morgain]

I have this girlfriend who was dating a guy and everyone around her had this akward feeling about him. But everything seemed fine and nobody said anything. A while later she broke off with him because she finely saw he was manipulating her so refined she hadn't noticed it.

I don't want to say with this it is the same with your friend, not in the least. I don't even know what made me think about this in the first place, just needed to say. sorry.

 

[WellNoWonder]

I have this girlfriend who was dating a guy and everyone around her had this akward feeling about him. But everything seemed fine and nobody said anything. A while later she broke off with him because she finely saw he was manipulating her so refined she hadn't noticed it.

I don't want to say with this it is the same with your friend, not in the least. I don't even know what made me think about this in the first place, just needed to say. sorry.

No apologies needed! It may be that this is what is going on, but it may not be. I always need to have the concrete answer when making decisions on keeping friends. I don't wanna blow up and say, "You are a freakin manipulator!!!" based on my intuition alone. Even so, my intuition is not picking up on this. There is something else going on though that I cannot pinpoint.

 

[BlinkandThink]

synchronicity is ruling my day

BlinkandThink:
could you say you (or ENTP's en general) manipulate people sometimes?
Do you sometimes give other people the feeling that you connect with them, are interested in them, care for them, but in reality you are only interested to refine your own visions and theories and you can drop them whenever you know what you needed to know?

I'm sorry if this is really harsh, just want to understand that guy!

Hmmm...

I would say it's more that I actually do feel connected to them, am interested in them, care for them, and express that freely. But that if the relationship stops working, I have no problem walking away.

I definitely don't have a plan, if that's what you mean. Ideally, I'd want the relationship to work.

 

[Morgain]

Hmmm...

I would say it's more that I actually do feel connected to them, am interested in them, care for them, and express that freely. But that if the relationship stops working, I have no problem walking away.

I definitely don't have a plan, if that's what you mean. Ideally, I'd want the relationship to work.

yeah that sounds understandable! That was the initial feeling I got. Only I couldn't see why he had no problem with walking away just like that. So in general, it is more easy for an ENTP to cut all connections with someone than it would be for an INFP? ... That is a reasonable explanation for what happened to me. Thanks!

 

[BlinkandThink]

So in general, it is more easy for an ENTP to cut all connections with someone than it would be for an ENFP?

Yes.


People aren't the same, and this will vary ... but generally speaking ... yes.

 

[Moxie]

I've learned the hard way that when everyone is warning you about someone, that A. they either have their own agenda, or B. they really are trying to help by letting you know. Unfortunately, usually it's been B for me. Good luck!

 

[JohnDoe]

I have mentioned this ENTP friend of mine several times. He is a very popular DJ/producer in the house music community, so he knows loads of people.

So what your saying is he has lots of enemies... they may be telling the truth, but they are no doubt his enemies never the less.

 

[Top cat]

I think it's wise that for whatever relationship you keep a good distance. That person, as well as the people who are telling you to avoid this person.

Many people are quick to assume, quick to believe and quick to hate each other <_<

 

[Matariki]

Wow, you know like they say, you INFJ's have to keep away from us ENTP's.

After all we all cold, heartless beings that walk the planet.
All we will do is use you and manipulate you for our own evil schemes, you are nothing to us but emotional prostitutes, which pay you with our hatred for the world.
We will fill your minds with lies.

Listen, and heed their warnings.... stay away from us, especially Shai Gar.

 

[Shai Gar]

I actually had to tell someone this. And I felt bad afterwards because I didn't say it so nicely. What's kind of bothering me too, is that I've turned into this watchdog for the ENTP, and I feel alone and drained doing it. I don't wanna even share the smallest detail of me in defense of him with him.

We don't need defence, we just need support.

 

[Tulip]

Only I couldn't see why he had no problem with walking away just like that. So in general, it is more easy for an ENTP to cut all connections with someone than it would be for an INFP? ... That is a reasonable explanation for what happened to me.

People are made up differently. Not all types of people have that strong need for connection with others. Usually those who have an intense desire to connect and needs others to feel complete are the ones who are most devastated when the connection has been cut off while they are still deeply emotionally involved.

Some people do not need others to complete themselves and to meet their needs, so to maintain a connection with others may not be high in their agenda. These people may not have as much of a problem to cut off any connection which they feel are no longer valuable to them. It is not to say these people are inhuman or have no feelings. They just have different priorities and different instinctual needs in life.

Unfortunately, you need to find someone who values the mutual connection as much as you do. It is the same with romantic relationship, you will be much better off being with someone who values you as much as you value him, and loves you as much as you love him if not more.

 

[Shai Gar]

I've learned the hard way that when everyone is warning you about someone, that A. they either have their own agenda, or B. they really are trying to help by letting you know. Unfortunately, usually it's been B for me. Good luck!

Sure, they're trying to help by giving their lack of understanding of an ENTP, combined with personal dislike of him.

Hitler was just trying to help Germany too. Doesn't mean their attempts at help are anything good.

 

[ec3khrl]

I have this tendency to "manipulate" people by most people's definition but to me I only do it for good.

That's because I don't really have those convictions or strong values from those many people I come across. I am comfortable with conflicting opinions that many do not and may risk offending others in our relationship.

I sort of know what to hit and what not to in conversations in general, which sometimes leads to the fact that even I am completely honest in whatever I say, I am not saying everything in my mind.

There are numerous encounters with people who told me it's OK to be totally honest with them, but when I did they get offended (which sucks, why tell me to give you something you are not able to handle?). Seriously, I'd rather stay away from those people sometimes than to tag along for any longer.

It's just experience teaches me to look for people's hot buttons and try not to press it. Being manipulative is often better than outright conflict with someone, even if that's the reputation we earn as a result.

I'd get angry too because those people are the source of my troubles and they keep coming after me with their unshakable moral beliefs.

Not sure if that's what you are looking for.