Progression in a relationship

JGirl

JGirl

no chocolate flavored gum? wow
MBTI
INFJ
Enneagram
5
as some of you know, i am dating someone new. our first date was valentine's day so it's been less than a month.
i will begin by saying that i'm crazy about this guy - he's very easy to be with and sexy and charming and all the good stuff.
i admit that i have very little knowledge about the dating scene and not really sure what comes after what if you get my drift
anyway, i'd like to throw out a few questions and hear your experiences or any advice you may have

1. is there a certain amount of time that should elapse before you 'have a bad day' in someone's presence?

2. when is it ok to start inviting them to spend the night when they come over?

3. how far along in the relationship should you be before leaving toiletries (toothbrush etc) at your bf/gf's apartment?

4. how long before you tell someone you love them?
 
1. one year

2. every time as long as you say "I need you in my bed"

3. wait to be asked

4. Practice that while they are sleeping.
 
JGirl said:
as some of you know, i am dating someone new. our first date was valentine's day so it's been less than a month.
i will begin by saying that i'm crazy about this guy - he's very easy to be with and sexy and charming and all the good stuff.
i admit that i have very little knowledge about the dating scene and not really sure what comes after what if you get my drift
anyway, i'd like to throw out a few questions and hear your experiences or any advice you may have

1. is there a certain amount of time that should elapse before you 'have a bad day' in someone's presence?

2. when is it ok to start inviting them to spend the night when they come over?

3. how far along in the relationship should you be before leaving toiletries (toothbrush etc) at your bf/gf's apartment?

4. how long before you tell someone you love them?
Click to expand...

1. About two years.
2. The first time you bang them, if you don't have anything going on the next morning.
3. Never. Because ethe break up is awkward if you still need your toothbrush.
4. The wedding day.
 
D: ^^^^


The way I see it, when it comes to any little relationship things like this, I say take action when it "feels right", or when it's at a point where you no longer need to feel doubt (unless being bold feels right). Otherwise, you could always just ask the person. Imo even the love thing is something you can bring up as a question/discussion with the other person if you want.
 
niffer said:
D: ^^^^


The way I see it, when it comes to any little relationship things like this, I say take action when it "feels right", or when it's at a point where you no longer need to feel doubt (unless being bold feels right). Otherwise, you could always just ask the person. Imo even the love thing is something you can bring up as a question/discussion with the other person if you want.
Click to expand...

i'm going through these things right now with this guy and i'm feeling very vulnerable and unsure what is considered following what feels right vs being impulsive
the bad day thing was me last week. i blew it and i knew it and i felt like a total asshole.
the spend the night thing has been pretty much since we started having sex because it's just more convenient but it's also hard for me to share a bed with someone....
the toothbrush...yeah, noticed his toothbrush neatly nestled into mine in my toothbrush holder after he left on sunday...
and the love thing. well that was him. just casually said it as though he's been saying it for years. i was flattered and maybe pleased but i also felt really awkward and uncomfortable at the same time. weird feeling.
i didn't know what to say or how to respond. i kissed him and said, are you sure you want to say that? to which he replied, well i already did.
like i said i'm crazy about this guy, it's more than like, and more than like a lot, but it's not love and i don't want to say what i cannot take back. it was shitty having to say that to him after he put it out there. i dunno
 
JGirl said:
i'm going through these things right now with this guy and i'm feeling very vulnerable and unsure what is considered following what feels right vs being impulsive
the bad day thing was me last week. i blew it and i knew it and i felt like a total asshole.
the spend the night thing has been pretty much since we started having sex because it's just more convenient but it's also hard for me to share a bed with someone....
the toothbrush...yeah, noticed his toothbrush neatly nestled into mine in my toothbrush holder after he left on sunday...
and the love thing. well that was him. just casually said it as though he's been saying it for years. i was flattered and maybe pleased but i also felt really awkward and uncomfortable at the same time. weird feeling.
i didn't know what to say or how to respond. i kissed him and said, are you sure you want to say that? to which he replied, well i already did.
like i said i'm crazy about this guy, it's more than like, and more than like a lot, but it's not love and i don't want to say what i cannot take back. it was shitty having to say that to him after he put it out there. i dunno
Click to expand...

Omg, I can't believe people still do awkward stuff like this even when they grow older lolol. Imo what you did was right for the last thing, I understand how you feel but it's better to be true to yourself. Especially for early stages in a relationship like this, because if you guys don't mesh well with very simple, basic things like this, it probably won't improve and you probably would have quite different worldviews. I think the solution is to just keep being honest and keep sharing what you really think/feel. But I also think everyone feels awkward with little things like this because obviously everyone has slightly different opinions on how these things should go, and I think the awkwardness will fade eventually. (I know my two ideas here are contradictoryish, guess it just depends on the situation.) I think it's normal to feel unsure and awkward. On the plus side he probably feels awkward too and is wondering the same things.
 
niffer said:
Omg, I can't believe people still do awkward stuff like this even when they grow older lolol. Imo what you did was right for the last thing, I understand how you feel but it's better to be true to yourself. Especially for early stages in a relationship like this, because if you guys don't mesh well with very simple, basic things like this, it probably won't improve and you probably would have quite different worldviews. I think the solution is to just keep being honest and keep sharing what you really think/feel. But I also think everyone feels awkward with little things like this because obviously everyone has slightly different opinions on how these things should go, and I think the awkwardness will fade eventually. (I know my two ideas here are contradictoryish, guess it just depends on the situation.) I think it's normal to feel unsure and awkward. On the plus side he probably feels awkward too and is wondering the same things.
Click to expand...
he seems pretty calm and collected about it all lol. he didn't have any qualms about telling me that, and when we talked a bit about it afterward he told me that he knows that's how he feels and it's ok if i don't feel the same as long as i don't mind if he continues to feel as he does - so what can i say to that??
i just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or give the wrong impression, but at the same time i certainly don't want to find myself somewhere down the road saying how the fuck did i get here?

oh and btw only bodies age niffer lol. who you are today is pretty much who you will still be when you are 52 and when you are 82.
i am still about 30 in my mind, complete with insecurities and foibles, and probably always will be lol
 
I still do all of this stuff. Lol~

1. No. Someone should be able to handle a bad day. I mean, it happens. People have bad days. LOL @ one or two years. cute. I wish ;-)

2. Spending the night is okay if you don't want to sleep alone at any time.

3. Only leave that stuff if you want to mark your territory. ;-) Disposable toothbrushes can stay in a purse or bag indefinitely until you're moving in.

4. I am usually around that point at about the 2-3 month mark.
 
JGirl said:
he seems pretty calm and collected about it all lol. he didn't have any qualms about telling me that, and when we talked a bit about it afterward he told me that he knows that's how he feels and it's ok if i don't feel the same as long as i don't mind if he continues to feel as he does - so what can i say to that??
i just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or give the wrong impression, but at the same time i certainly don't want to find myself somewhere down the road saying how the fuck did i get here?
Click to expand...
He sounds like a cool guy at least. I agree with @CindyLou in that for me at least, it usually happens around the 2-3 month mark minimum.

oh and btw only bodies age niffer lol. who you are today is pretty much who you will still be when you are 52 and when you are 82.
i am still about 30 in my mind, complete with insecurities and foibles, and probably always will be lol
Click to expand...
tumblr_lw9s4unFiX1qb2im5.gif


wat
 
[MENTION=4871]CindyLou[/MENTION]
lol i'd rather sleep alone. besides he's no good to me asleep anyway....
as for the toothbrush marking his territory - funny that was the immediate impression i got when i saw it. it lasted only a second but it was there.
i have since moved it to the drawer. i mentioned that he left it, and he said oh no problem. it's a spare i got from the dentist.
so i'm thinking ok it's not a territory thing it's a forgetting thing. he brushed his teeth put the toothbrush in the holder like at home and walked out and forgot? that's what i'm going with anyway
 
JGirl said:
1. is there a certain amount of time that should elapse before you 'have a bad day' in someone's presence?

2. when is it ok to start inviting them to spend the night when they come over?

3. how far along in the relationship should you be before leaving toiletries (toothbrush etc) at your bf/gf's apartment?

4. how long before you tell someone you love them?
Click to expand...
1. Silly question to me. If I'm feeling down then I'm not going to keep it in if I'm around someone I really like and care about. I don't care about the whole "putting on your best face" thing in order to impress someone you like...to me, doing that is simply being myself regardless of appearance. If I'm having a bad day I would gladly go to her about it so she can support me through it. It is a very good way of showing your trust and that you are alright with being vulnerable around that person, being willing to show the person your flaws and weaknesses and that you wish to be sharing of your life even in the worst of times. Of course, I would never take it out on her though, I would simply express what's going on and what I think about it.

2. I have no idea, never done that before. If we were not married then it would likely not happen, unless for some unusual reason out of just practicality, like her apartment getting super renovated to the point where she can't sleep there until it's done. Or perhaps if she was too exhausted/didn't feel good enough to drive home safely. I dunno. Certainly nothing would 'happen,' if you know what I mean.

3. A non-issue to me. If I am over there enough then I probably would keep a toothbrush there. I brush my teeth 2-3 times per day, and if I'm away from home for a long time in one day and eating meals and such, then I would need to. And it would also help with making kissing more enjoyable. So, no big deal there.

4. I would say so soon after I realized it and had (or more likely, made) a good opportunity to do it. If I feel strongly enough about it (and I definitely would because I am very rarely unsure of how I feel about something) then there's no reason to hold back about saying it.
 
[MENTION=4855]JGirl[/MENTION]

I'm not exactly the person to be giving this advice since I'm married, BUT, just for the sake of fun...:heh:

1. is there a certain amount of time that should elapse before you 'have a bad day' in someone's presence? Gotta be who you are when you are. They either like the whole package or not.

2. when is it ok to start inviting them to spend the night when they come over? When it happens.

3. how far along in the relationship should you be before leaving toiletries (toothbrush etc) at your bf/gf's apartment? For me, this would need to be a topic we talk about before it happens, or the person needs to ask me if they can leave stuff at my place. Otherwise I might mistake their toothbrush for a cleaning tool :becky:

View attachment 17640

4. how long before you tell someone you love them? It has been so long since this has happened I'm not entirely sure how I would handle it now. I think maybe like this. When I feel it and I sense they feel it too, OR when I feel it and I sense they don't. Either way the relationship moves to a different dimension.
 
[MENTION=114]Eric86[/MENTION]
it wasn't just me having a bad day to be honest. the thing was that i was really pissed off about something that had nothing to do with him and then i slammed the truck door when i got out which really did not impress him at all. he sort of loves his truck.
anyway, i wouldn't want someone dumping that crap on me ever, never mind in the first month i am getting to know them lol
[MENTION=5224]Sadie[/MENTION]
u funny :P
 
1. is there a certain amount of time that should elapse before you 'have a bad day' in someone's presence?

2. when is it ok to start inviting them to spend the night when they come over?

3. how far along in the relationship should you be before leaving toiletries (toothbrush etc) at your bf/gf's apartment?
Click to expand...
1.Anytime you have a bad is okay to be around them so long as you don't take it out on them
2.As soon as the relationship naturally progresses to that point
3.Psh I have a tooth brush everywhere I visit regularly

I am not answering number four cause I have no damn idea. Hell I am just a 20 year old kid.
 
1. is there a certain amount of time that should elapse before you 'have a bad day' in someone's presence?

I don't worry about this too much. If I'm having a bad day, I vent it to them if I feel comfortable with them. It's all about letting things occur naturally for me. If I feel like I cannot be my natural self with a person and/or feel comfortable enough to vent, then why waste my time? If they cannot handle me as I am and accept that I'm an emotional human being, with good days and bad ones, then they aren't worth it to me.

2. when is it ok to start inviting them to spend the night when they come over?

For me, it depends on my comfort level. Honestly, I have never had anyone in my bed. My bed is the most intimate and private place I have, I'm not willing to share it with just anyone. I'd rather go over his place. I really don't like the idea of someone else in my bed unless I'm serious with them. I'm territorial in this aspect. Hell, even the idea of someone not showered in my bed grosses me out lol. I'm a clean freak...

3. how far along in the relationship should you be before leaving toiletries (toothbrush etc) at your bf/gf's apartment?

I don't like the idea of leaving my stuff at someone's house. I've always just brought an overnight bag. One of my ex's insisted that I leave my stuff at his place once because it would make my commute from campus to his place easier but I didn't like doing it. I like knowing where all my stuff is since I rarely have double sets of items. I can't even imagine buying two brushes, one to use at his place and one at mine. Its just easier for me to carry along one set. Also, if we break up, I don't have to go back to his place to get my things. I have it all with me. Less of a headache.

I don't like sharing, I'm an only child lol.

4. how long before you tell someone you love them?

It's taken me 6 months with my current love and the last guy I felt in love with, it took me 3 months to say. I've dated plenty of guys but only two of them have felt important enough to me to say "I love you" to. I don't believe "I love you" is a statement that should be thrown around. I think of it as a sacred promise. I've felt heavily infatuated after for 2-4 months with some guys, only to realize it was just infatuation... or even just lust. As I've gotten older, I've just paced myself and waited until the 6 month mark. I feel like it makes it so much more meaningful and powerful for me if I take the time and really allow myself to feel it fully before I share it.
 
Last edited:
sprinkles said:
If having a bad day is so optional that you can pick the time, then why ever have one?
Click to expand...

I think she meant more about your comfort with someone and willingness to emotionally express 'a bad day' to them.
 
All I can say is that each case is different...there's really no right or wrong answer here.
Let things progress naturally and don't hold yourself back by overthinking things :)

You'll see it in eachother's eyes and just know it if you both are in love with one another.

I really hope things work out between you guys!! I'm crossing my fingers for you and wishing you the best.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top