Please help me put this kind of response into perspective | INFJ Forum

Please help me put this kind of response into perspective

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by minkowski thermodynamics, Oct 3, 2009.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 1 user.
More threads by minkowski thermodynamics
  1. minkowski thermodynamics

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2009
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    inxp
    Ok here's the story:

    I was on a message board, and I absolutely poured my heart out in a certain post. I was asking someone to help me with a certain song. I tried my best to convey the depth of feeling involved, and how much personal meaning the song had for me.

    However, the main response I got was in this vein:

    "I don't know if anyone is going to find it worth their time to do this for you. I don't find the song particularly interesting enough to do it.

    NO ONE here is obligated to grant any wishes for you.

    I encourage you to do it yourself.

    If I had the time (I don't) or felt the same way about the song (I don't), I might have done it."



    While a part of me understands the reasoning behind this response that I got, another part was still deeply hurt and I need some help in putting this kind of response into perspective.

    Not only in this specific case, but in general. I just need help understanding this kind of world view, so I won't be hurt as much by it.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2008
    Threads:
    67
    Messages:
    3,866
    Likes Received:
    222
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    infj
    What kind of help were you looking for?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  3. OP
    minkowski thermodynamics

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2009
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    inxp
    Transcribing a piano solo from an album.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. sassafras

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Threads:
    173
    Messages:
    14,572
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    45,322
    Trophy Points:
    2,376
    MBTI:
    .
    Er. How time consuming/involving was the project that you were asking for help with?

    It just seems like s/he was just being brutally honest; that there really is no one out there with a vested interest in your person enough to be willing to sacrifice the amount of time and effort this project appears to demand... regardless of how heart-felt or important as this project is to you personally. Especially if you're just a random stranger on the forums.

    Eitherway, s/he just communicated their thoughts in a rather hostile way. Seems like they don't have much faith in the charitable spirit of others.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  5. OP
    minkowski thermodynamics

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2009
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    inxp
    Not that much. I even shortened my request to just one bar, but the response was the same. Thus, I am here, trying to understand it better.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  6. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2008
    Threads:
    67
    Messages:
    3,866
    Likes Received:
    222
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    infj
    I think you just have to shrug it off. They were just being themselves as were you. It didn't jive because they didn't feel any empathy.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  7. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2008
    Threads:
    249
    Messages:
    5,014
    Likes Received:
    713
    Trophy Points:
    245
    MBTI:
    I think TDHT and Sumone made some great points. I'd also like to add that this doesn't mean anything about you as a person or how people in general will respond to you. It is a statement about the person who wrote that response, perhaps their level of sensitivity to others, caring, interpersonal relations, etc. I imagine the likelihood is that they don't experience a level of empathy that most people appreciate or an ability to express themselves in a tactful way. Or maybe they were having a bad day and decided to unleash the force of their emotions through their online posts. It doesn't lessen the insensitivity of their words or mean it was a great decision, but that could have been the "why" you might be searching for. Some people are blunt at any cost, and define/value that as being honest. Usually this means they don't possess the empathy to care or an awareness of the impact they have on others. It's really hard to say what the reasons were, but whatever they were, it is a reflection on the person who responded and not on you.

    I hope this helps.
     
    #7 Soulful, Oct 3, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2009
  8. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2009
    Threads:
    48
    Messages:
    2,879
    Likes Received:
    619
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ.
    Enneagram:
    4 x 6 (I think).

    Yes I can see how that totally shut you down, it was rather blund and lacking in empathy indeed. I guess u have choices as to simply shrug it off (VERY hard to do I know how u feel), or stew over it (which is how I would feel in all honesty), but ya, it just hurts u more to do this.

    I think that the reply was rather pathetic and it didn't need to be so wordy... a simple "I don't think I can help u there" would have sufficed. But, that was not what he / she said, so I guess yll have to hope someone else can post a better reply for u.

    I hope u get a wayyy better reply soon cuz ya that reply sucked :m177:
     
  9. OP
    minkowski thermodynamics

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2009
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    inxp
    You're right, Ria. Sometimes, it's so hard to just shrug it off, which is why I came to you guys to help me analyze the situation.

    Yes, it did.You certainly struck the right chord there.

    Thanks for all the great responses so far.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  10. sistermadly

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2009
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INfJ
  11. Architectonic

    Architectonic Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2008
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    no comment
    If you can play it, then just play it and record it with DAW or notation software.

    Otherwise, if you are transcribing a tune from audio, then until this comes out, you could try the WIDI Recognition System and import the midi into Finale, Sibelius or free alternative notation software, then just delete or fix anything that wasn't detected correctly.
     
    #11 Architectonic, Oct 3, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2009
  12. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2008
    Threads:
    382
    Messages:
    11,688
    Likes Received:
    1,368
    Trophy Points:
    881
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    Recognize too, that different types of people will write different responses. NT types will be less likely to sugar coat their words, and they'll cut to the chase. NF types will think about it for a while and even if they don't want to do it, they'll either figure out a diplomatic way of telling you why they won't, or they'll try to let you down easy. Or they'll do it grudgingly because they don't want to deal with the conflict.

    Still, it's more difficult to see why they responded that way without seeing your actual question. If you're concerned with their response, you might want to let us analyze your question, verbatim. From what you told us it sounds like a harsh response, but without your question to compare the answers to, we can only speculate and assume. From this end sure, it sounded like a very harsh response...but we've nothing to balance it against.
     
  13. Zero Angel

    Zero Angel Permanent Fixture

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2008
    Threads:
    19
    Messages:
    958
    Likes Received:
    64
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    Possibly 4w5
    The person in question comes off as either important on the board, or just highly egotistical. Unless asked directly, the best response would be to say nothing if one is not going to do it.

    I can, however, see how that person would possess that viewpoint. It is a common method of any board to choose to pay attention to someone who has proved their worth to the community moreso than someone who has not established an identity on that board, unless that board has a significant amount of FJ's (and to a slightly lesser extent FP's) who tend to propagate an air of helpfulness through the board.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  14. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2008
    Threads:
    382
    Messages:
    11,688
    Likes Received:
    1,368
    Trophy Points:
    881
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    Just a bit of background before starting:

    I was in a PM with MT, and the OP sent me a link to the entire thread and its conversation. I asked the OP if I could offer my opinion on the board and share it with others, and the OP welcomed it.

    So, saying that, MT, I think if you're comfortable with it, that you should post the conversation in its entirety, or provide the link (which could be more uncomfortable). The entire conversation does help clarify a few things, and it helped me see various perspectives.

    From what I read (personal opinion here), I don't think the posters on that forum were attacking you. Most of what they said was from a professional perspective, however, and it sounded like they thought that because you didn't want to read music (or that you were indifferent to it), that any kind of transcription of the piece would be pointless. To me, it sounded like they may have thought that you wouldn't appreciate the transcription until you had more practice writing and reading the score. I think if you wanted the transcription without their commentary it might've been best to not tell them that you were practicing on your own and that you didn't have formal musical training.

    But I don't think they were attacking you. In fact, one of them sounded sympathetic, as if he were trying to help you, but he did mention that your request might've been considered frustrating to them because you didn't have the knowledge for it.

    I think the best way (next time) is to simply ask if anyone can create a musical score for you, and maybe mention that you're a fan of the piece, but that's all. The rest of the information might've put the professionals off because they didn't understand why a non-professional, non-reader of music would want the piece written out. It *does* take a lot of time to transcribe a musical score (hours or days) and musicians want their music to be read and enjoyed. It's like getting a book signed from an author, and then telling the author that you don't intend on reading the book; you just like the signature.

    And I think that's what the musicians were getting at. You love the piece and you love how it sounds - and I think that's wonderful! But I think you're approaching the score one way (you like seeing it as an art piece, perhaps) while the musicians only see value in transcribing the score if you can actually read it. Sort of like viewing a piece of art in a museum versus understanding its history and the intentions of the artist.

    I hope my words didn't come across as too preachy or too harsh; that wasn't my intention. But from seeing the entire conversation, I think you might've misunderstood what they were trying to say. Granted, that one guy might've been a little curt, but the intention's there: They want you to read the music so you can appreciate the transcription that much more.
     
  15. OP
    minkowski thermodynamics

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2009
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    inxp
    arbygil:

    Yup, classic case of one person(me) not being concise and clear enough, and the other party misinterpreting and taking offense.

    I also do think the "one guy" you reffered to could have been a bit less blunt with his words, especially considering the obvious fragile emotional state in which my post was written.

    What about the ending where he said that I owe it to them to come back after doing the work on my own, because they took the time to reply to me?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  16. the

    the Si master race.
    Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2009
    Threads:
    479
    Messages:
    14,392
    Featured Threads:
    9
    Likes Received:
    8,780
    Trophy Points:
    1,112
    MBTI:
    ISTJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    Maybe you haven't yet made such an impression, or made the right friends that people are willing to use up their time for your masterpiece.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  17. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2008
    Threads:
    382
    Messages:
    11,688
    Likes Received:
    1,368
    Trophy Points:
    881
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    Again, I don't think that's what they meant...but if you don't mind, I'm going to post the last half of that poster's quote. I won't give out the link, but I think it's still important to see most of that quote in its entirety. I went ahead and bolded what I think you're referring to:

    To me, MT, it sounds like he's *encouraging* you to come back. He wants you to take a crack at transcribing it, and he wants to see what you've done with it. They wanted to make sure that their advice wasn't thrown to the winds and/or ignored. I think they get requests like this quite often (not necessarily your jazz piece, but others asking the same types of questions) and they never hear from them again and they never know what happened. To them, it could feel as if they were just being pumped for information, but that they weren't respected for their craft.

    I don't think they say you "owe" it to them; not in the way you're thinking, anyway. I think they just want you to share what you've learned so they can reap the benefit of your discovery and sharing in your excitement of learning. Teachers love feedback, just like everyone else. :D
     
  18. OP
    minkowski thermodynamics

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2009
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    inxp
    My being a new poster definitely was a factor. It was my first post on the forum, and it makes sense that they would give the benefit of the doubt to their fellow regulars as opposed to the newbie. Thus, the response didn't come off as being too blunt to them.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  19. OP
    minkowski thermodynamics

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2009
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    inxp
    Well, maybe they should have used you as their spokesperson. Seriously.

    You have a knack for rewriting people's words in a much more diplomatic way. You did the same thing in the Ne+Fi assumptions thread.

    Thank you.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  20. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2008
    Threads:
    382
    Messages:
    11,688
    Likes Received:
    1,368
    Trophy Points:
    881
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    LOL! I don't know if it's all about being their spokesperson or not. I hope it doesn't sound as if I'm spindoctoring. But sometimes it's just all about looking at it from a different angle, and seeing if it might mean something other than what we're seeing. It takes time to do that, but sometimes it's worth putting in the effort (if that doesn't sound too pollyanna-ish of me).

    But maybe that's just the Ni combo talking.
     
Loading...

Share This Page