Peopled out.

[Kwistalline]

At what point do you get "peopled out" (tired of socializing). Is it triggered by physical, emotional, or mental stimuli? In other words, when you fatigue of being around others, do you know why? Too much physical presence/action, emotional overload/stress, or debate/thinking?

 

[Inkling]

emotional/stress. Ugh!

oddly enough, it works both ways, for me. sometimes i just have to be away and feel my emotions by myself, because they're seeping out onto my sleeve... being by myself is the equivalent of putting a protective coat on to hide my emotional sleeves (okay, this metaphor is getting a little corny).

Other times, i just want to distract myself from everything that's going on, so i seek people out. It's not easy. It's gotten easier in college, because you have some really good excuses to hang out with people... but summer is the worst.

I also find that it depends on the kind of 'emotional energy' i'm getting from other people. At times, i absolutely thrive in groups that are alive with lighthearted cheer... but when something negative happens in a group, i start to shy away from it, because it starts to feed me negative energy instead. And I don't know how to change the dynamics. That is probably one reason i know I'm not an extrovert, because i don't know how to deal with groups as a whole, just individuals within them. If i sense a group is getting too overwhelming for me... i'm outta there.

 

[Kwistalline]

My roommate is an ENTJ. I am in a constant state of fatigue. She seems infatuated with the idea of arguing with others, and it never wears her down. Her energy comes of in waves that have radioactive effects on me. I am very glad she's doing Ren this year. Four days out of seven she has to rehearse, so she's gone most evenings, and since I sleep during the day, I hardly have to see her!

Makes me sad. We used to be much closer till she moved in. Now I'm stuck grumbling about how messy she is and hoping she'll stay away long enough not to make the mess even worse

 

[Satya]

I don't really get "peopled out". Hence why I get accused of being too outgoing to be an introvert half the time. I think most of the energy I expend on people is when I care too much or even obsessively about what they think of me or the things I've said.

 

[Lurker]

Action is one of my favourite things, it may take motivation to get me moving but once I am I’m happy about it. Emotional overload is fine as long as it’s productive, in that I do not accept people whinging at me with no interest in hearing possible solutions and implementing them plus I probably find it easier than you guys in disconnecting emotionally when I see no point in where the conversation is headed. I love intellectual debates as long as there is respect and open mindedness on both sides.

What peoples me out is the lack of substance in conversations, I tolerate it but generally my eyes will glaze over, you probably wouldn’t notice but that means my mind has just gone elsewhere and you are now talking to yourself.

Do NF's feel the same way about irrelevant small talk?


Kwistalline, living with friends can sadly ruin friendships, if she is unable to understand the impact she is having on you, you need to find a way to take a break from her when you need to re-charge, you should not feel drained just from being in your own home.

 

[Aquinas]

Selling or parties of 8 or more people that I don't know. I do have to spend a considerable amount of time by myself after my wife goes to bed. Basically, an analysis of the day and reading business documents.

 

[Satya]

What peoples me out is the lack of substance in conversations, I tolerate it but generally my eyes will glaze over, you probably wouldn’t notice but that means my mind has just gone elsewhere and you are now talking to yourself.

Do NF's feel the same way about irrelevant small talk?

That made me laugh. I sometimes realize I'm not listening to my friends and panic because I think they might notice. I get bored in conversations fairly easily. Especially if a person is using the conversation as an excuse to spout off everything they know about a particular topic. My best friend is one of those lecture types and i often zone out without realizing it.

 

[ensign_m]

I'm new to the board, but I just wanted to chime in.

O. M. G. I know I'm in the right place among people like me. "Peopled out" is a term I use very frequently, so I knew exactly what you meant in the thread title. For me, I get peopled out when I haven't had enough time to spend with myself, doing the stuff I love. Sometimes, I get so busy for work and other outside commitments, that I'm spending most of my awake time with others, and in those situations, I'm constantly working to be outside of my head (I know y'all know what that means), so it just wears me out...

 

[ensign_m]

What peoples me out is the lack of substance in conversations, I tolerate it but generally my eyes will glaze over, you probably wouldn’t notice but that means my mind has just gone elsewhere and you are now talking to yourself.

Do NF's feel the same way about irrelevant small talk?

I cannot abide small talk. I am a distinctive failure at parties, because when people talk to me, I always direct the conversation to more substantial, meaningful things. Case in point: at a 4th party this past weekend, I was talking to someone and the conversation took a very bad turn to her brother's depression and anxiety about his job. This is the way many of my conversations with strangers go. Why can't I have a "Oh my gosh, I love your shoes" kind of conversation? With me, if it starts that way, it will inevitably end with a discussion about the importance of how people present themselves. :roll:

 

[Kwistalline]

I have the same problem!! I'll say hi to someone, the next thing I know, they've unloaded their present burden upon me. Unfortunately for me, I carry that burden home. It would appear that when I am incapable of helping someone, my guilt is profoundly greater than if I had the power to help.

 

[Obstinate]

I can relate to you all. At school, I feel comfortable at the spot I sort of hang out at, because it's not a huge circle or anything like most high school cliques. You just go up to people to talk to. I can socialize for a while, but there's a point where I just need to be alone, and it feels great. And my endurance rate decreases sharply when someone makes fun of me. Ever get that feeling where your heart drops and your face starts to feel warm?

 

[Kwistalline]

I can relate to you all. At school, I feel comfortable at the spot I sort of hang out at, because it's not a huge circle or anything like most high school cliques. You just go up to people to talk to. I can socialize for a while, but there's a point where I just need to be alone, and it feels great. And my endurance rate decreases sharply when someone makes fun of me. Ever get that feeling where your heart drops and your face starts to feel warm?

I used to, all the time . . . it's true. It all gets better as you age. Rather, it gets better once you move from the artificial reality of high school into more realistic social constructs-college, work, life in general . . . you will find that your maturity has the appearance of improvement when it is actually met at it's level in reality (going on the assumption that most of us here matured earlier than our peers. For example, I felt equal to adults when I was about thirteen, and was treated accordingly)

 

[sumone]

I've read in INFJ descriptions that we are 'prone to hypochondria.' I can see why outsiders might give us that label but I don't think it's accurate. It would be more accurate to say 'prone to people allergies'.
I have gone to parties that have had a devastating effect on me within a few hours. I can be completely overloaded by others and completely drained of myself leaving me weak and even feeling sick. Once out of the 'arena' I can peel it all off and recover quite fine and even quickly at times.
But how do you say to your host, "Thanks for the party but I have to go now. The people here are making me sick! But thanks, I enjoyed myself." If you have to leave early because of energy overload it's sometimes easier just to say you're not feeling well, otherwise they will badger you into staying.
Before my husband truly understood what went on with me he would say 'it's all in your head' but now because of what he has observed and witnessed over time he knows I'm not faking it! On the empathy front he and I are exact opposites and it took him a long time to understand how deep mine goes. When we go to a party now he always asks sincerely how I feel and if I'm up to it. While we're getting ready for the party he'll say, "Get your shields up!"

 

[sumone]

And my endurance rate decreases sharply when someone makes fun of me. Ever get that feeling where your heart drops and your face starts to feel warm?

I understand exactly what you mean, I felt the same way in school. When my friends or classmates would get into the mocking and hurtful sarcastic stuff I would feel uncomfortable, whether it was being done to me or someone else. It wasn't 'me' to go to that level and it wasn't in me to compete in that way either. When I would rise to the bait and respond in kind I wouldn't like myself afterwards, even though my friends might be impressed. Those high school games were very tiring to me. But Kwist is right, it gets easier with time and you won't react to it in the same way.

 

[Motor Jax]

I've read in INFJ descriptions that we are 'prone to hypochondria.' I can see why outsiders might give us that label but I don't think it's accurate. It would be more accurate to say 'prone to people allergies'.
I have gone to parties that have had a devastating effect on me within a few hours. I can be completely overloaded by others and completely drained of myself leaving me weak and even feeling sick. Once out of the 'arena' I can peel it all off and recover quite fine and even quickly at times.
But how do you say to your host, "Thanks for the party but I have to go now. The people here are making me sick! But thanks, I enjoyed myself." If you have to leave early because of energy overload it's sometimes easier just to say you're not feeling well, otherwise they will badger you into staying.
Before my husband truly understood what went on with me he would say 'it's all in your head' but now because of what he has observed and witnessed over time he knows I'm not faking it! On the empathy front he and I are exact opposites and it took him a long time to understand how deep mine goes. When we go to a party now he always asks sincerely how I feel and if I'm up to it. While we're getting ready for the party he'll say, "Get your shields up!"

that just makes me feel much more needing to go... but then i give in since i feel this "obligation", and then just sit there in my self-absorbed guilt, and just spend the rest of the evening in a crappy 'i-need-to-get-the-f^&k-outta-here' kinda mood... and others just think you have a problems socializing... no, i just want to leave (my usual inner dialog goes, "you have a problem with that? well, sounds like your problem...)

i used to get cranky when peopled out and forced to socialize...

but the years have taught me much about tact and being my own person... i have found that in an older environment, people are a bit more understanding about someone's personality...

 

[ensign_m]

Those high school games were very tiring to me.

Tell me about it. What's even worse is when the high school games are played by 40- and 50-something year old professionals. That's when it gets really old (no pun intended). Makes want to go live on a deserted island by misself....

 

[gokartride]

My life includes a good bit of solitude so I don't get "peopled out" too often, although one might say I have institutionalized my need for alone time....they'd probably be right.

I see people at work all day (along with the typical office drama) and then I ride a big commuter train with a different group of friends. Following this I eat most meals at the same restaurant and have friends there. In all this (in typical INFJ fashion) the conversation is nice and easy and social....but bypasses many of the things I hold most important.

Anyway, once I go home I have plenty of alone time, and I have lots of other things to do there...hobbies, reading, my guitar...stuff like that. So solitude is kinda built in to my schedule and if I'm feeling overwhelmed, I know some quiet is generally right around the corner.

I do enjoy people...I just enjoy solitude, too.

 

[Motor Jax]

the conversation is nice and easy and social....but bypasses many of the things I hold most important.

Anyway, once I go home I have plenty of alone time, and I have lots of other things to do there...hobbies, reading, my guitar...stuff like that. So solitude is kinda built in to my schedule and if I'm feeling overwhelmed, I know some quiet is generally right around the corner.

I do enjoy people...I just enjoy solitude, too.

i can totally relate to this... one of the qualms about living alone...

 

[CokeNut]

At what point do you get "peopled out" (tired of socializing). Is it triggered by physical, emotional, or mental stimuli? In other words, when you fatigue of being around others, do you know why? Too much physical presence/action, emotional overload/stress, or debate/thinking?

Peopled out? Huh? Inconceivable!

Seriously though, this is something entirely unimaginable to me. I do like quiet time, like when I'm reading or just working on something, but I am rarely if ever bothered by the presence of people.

 

[gokartride]

I am rarely if ever bothered by the presence of people.

It's a bit of a balancing act for me. If I'm around people with a good bit of drama going on, I do need a break from that. Still, if I'm alone too much I'll definitely go seek out people to chat with.