Our Masks

There's one more crucial question that I forgot to ask, and it is:

How do you know these answers, and how can you be sure of your answers?

I wouldn't say that I can be totally sure of the answers I've given. All I know is they are, at best, an approximation of how I am and how I present myself. My concept of my projected self is constantly shifting - I'm entirely different from how I was a week ago, and I'll be different still a week from now.

As for knowing, I'd say it's mostly derived from a serious amount of introspection, that reaching-within-and-pulling-ideas-out function we all know and love, and reflection. You hold the idea up to the light of your memories and see if it rings true with how you've seen others perceive you.
 
There's one more crucial question that I forgot to ask, and it is: How do you know these answers, and how can you be sure of your answers?

How do you know these answers? I know these answers because I have taken the time to get to know myself. This is not to be confused with all knowing or completely knowing. Simply put, at this stage in my life I know myself better than I ever have before. However, I do not feel that knowing oneself is dependent on age. My experience has simply been - my experience.

How can I be sure of my answers? They are subjective questions with subjective answers, and subjective answers are subject to change. If you ask me what 2+2 is I can give you a more definitive answer :becky:.
 
I wouldn't say I wear a mask in the 'outside world', but I am much more reserved. After having the time to grow and mature, the need to pretend to be something I'm not has eroded away; now it's more of there being a time and place for certain actions or words.

However, I am still in a state of transition and have not found a new identity to call my own/embraced a new stage in my life. That's just what being a recent college graduate is like, I suppose.
 
Isn't a mask just your real self when placed in a certain situation?

*When in situation A I act this way towards people
*When in situation B I act a different way.

I believe that people are always their true self. Sometimes high pressure or stressful situations can set off the coward in a person, but being a coward is still part of who they are. Being around certain people or strangers can make you feel uneasy, but being distrustful of people is part of who you are. Being guarded or being open, thats your true self. There is no sense in saying your true self is open and loving when you only act like a guarded and cold hearted person. The "True Self" sounds like wishful thinking of who you wish you could be.

Calling it a mask just seems like a gimmick to sell self-help books to suckers.
 
Isn't a mask just your real self when placed in a certain situation?

*When in situation A I act this way towards people
*When in situation B I act a different way.

I believe that people are always their true self. Sometimes high pressure or stressful situations can set off the coward in a person, but being a coward is still part of who they are. Being around certain people or strangers can make you feel uneasy, but being distrustful of people is part of who you are. Being guarded or being open, thats your true self. There is no sense in saying your true self is open and loving when you only act like a guarded and cold hearted person. The "True Self" sounds like wishful thinking of who you wish you could be.

Calling it a mask just seems like a gimmick to sell self-help books to suckers.

Was it Jung who talked about the way we see ourselves vs how others see us? I think it is something similar to that.
 
Was it Jung who talked about the way we see ourselves vs how others see us? I think it is something similar to that.

We need some clairity in here or Im going freak out.
 
Isn't a mask just your real self when placed in a certain situation?

*When in situation A I act this way towards people
*When in situation B I act a different way.

I believe that people are always their true self. Sometimes high pressure or stressful situations can set off the coward in a person, but being a coward is still part of who they are. Being around certain people or strangers can make you feel uneasy, but being distrustful of people is part of who you are. Being guarded or being open, thats your true self. There is no sense in saying your true self is open and loving when you only act like a guarded and cold hearted person. The "True Self" sounds like wishful thinking of who you wish you could be.

Calling it a mask just seems like a gimmick to sell self-help books to suckers.

Spoken like a true Sensor. :D
 
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Isn't a mask just your real self when placed in a certain situation?

*When in situation A I act this way towards people
*When in situation B I act a different way.

I believe that people are always their true self. Sometimes high pressure or stressful situations can set off the coward in a person, but being a coward is still part of who they are. Being around certain people or strangers can make you feel uneasy, but being distrustful of people is part of who you are. Being guarded or being open, thats your true self. There is no sense in saying your true self is open and loving when you only act like a guarded and cold hearted person. The "True Self" sounds like wishful thinking of who you wish you could be.

Calling it a mask just seems like a gimmick to sell self-help books to suckers.

I'm actually inclined to agree with you on this, that the mask is just the same person from a different perspective.

Dr. Brian Little, a professor from Harvard, has an interesting view on personality called "free trait theory." Basically, the belief that we do not act predictably the same in every situation, but tweak our behaviors and responses according to context, and how it's inherently a normal and honest way to react.
One of his articles:
http://www.brianrlittle.com/articles/personal-projects-and-free-traits/
 
  • Like
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Isn't a mask just your real self when placed in a certain situation?

*When in situation A I act this way towards people
*When in situation B I act a different way.

I believe that people are always their true self. Sometimes high pressure or stressful situations can set off the coward in a person, but being a coward is still part of who they are. Being around certain people or strangers can make you feel uneasy, but being distrustful of people is part of who you are. Being guarded or being open, thats your true self. There is no sense in saying your true self is open and loving when you only act like a guarded and cold hearted person. The "True Self" sounds like wishful thinking of who you wish you could be.

Calling it a mask just seems like a gimmick to sell self-help books to suckers.


I agree. I think it's more multidimensional, like particle/wave duality that I mentioned earlier, but at its core I think this is it.

People like for things to be in phase but it can be hard to even detect phase from a relative standpoint.

It's like asking if steam is the gas form of water or is water the liquid form of steam. They are both the same element from any direction and one is not simply an altered state of the other. It's easier to demonstrate phase by saying that steam is the gas form of water as we typically do, but in reality steam does not necessarily begin with water.
 
I agree. I think it's more multidimensional, like particle/wave duality that I mentioned earlier, but at its core I think this is it.

People like for things to be in phase but it can be hard to even detect phase from a relative standpoint.

It's like asking if steam is the gas form of water or is water the liquid form of steam. They are both the same element from any direction and one is not simply an altered state of the other. It's easier to demonstrate phase by saying that steam is the gas form of water as we typically do, but in reality steam does not necessarily begin with water.


Which leads me to the question of "what do people mean when they say that person A doesn't know their true self"?

I guess all you can ever know of a person is their true self - within the confines of how that person acts given yourself and certain external circumstances. I assume they mean that the person doesn't know the qualities that they want them to know... Or perhaps they know too much and must be killed.
 
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i don't get what you mean by mask exactly but there are different types of people and every type should be treated with a suitable way , as a result , each type will have a different look at you .
 
I don't think that people are always their true self, because they get nervous or uptight about things sometimes, and there's always a code of civility that some people feel obligated to follow or bend to, and I suppose that some people enjoy that. You could always argue that doing that is 'their true self' but I don't think that I always have a complete sense of what's going on or who people are… though I do think that being aware of this probably helps me in figuring that out.

I also think that a lot of people feel obligated to impress you or make you like them more-- but it's not much of a mask because that's something that I can always see through.

When I realize that I'm in a situation with someone that I disagree with, I tend to censor myself and probably withdraw, depending on how outspoken/dominant this person is, which is probably a mistake but I sort of like to preserve the harmony. I don't do this online because it's a completely different sphere and I think that online discussions thrive on conflict-- and I'm always assuming the other person assumes the same, even though this isn't always the case.
 
I feel that in order to let someone truly know me, I should get to know their motives first. I know it sounds selfish but once I care about someone there is usually no going back. I will do my best to make that person happy. I know it is a bad decision to let the wrong people become these types of friends to me. So I do a screening with the "masks". Like someone else said over time my mask with that person will dissolve leaving me standing metaphorically naked for them to see all my flaws, insecurities and secret thoughts and feelings. I give them my all after I trust them and some people don't even realize how big of a deal it is to me. I know it sounds bad and it makes me a bit of a hypocrite, but honestly I feel it is needed especially in this world we live in.
I always know who I truly am because it doesn't require effort and I will always naturally regress into it.
 
I mask many of my emotions. Doesn't everyone? Helps to keep the peace. De-escalates. Have to mask my happiness at times so it doesn't seem too forward or out of place.....Yes: more often than not. My true self most likely includes my masks. They just help me get by in a world I do not fit in with very well unless I'm around certain types of people. Maybe they are not masks at all, but part of my responses.
 
The true person is a myth. It's all personas and constructed identities.
 
If a true person doesn't want to show his/her feelings because that person does not want to hurt someone else's feelings, how is that untrue?
 
If a true person doesn't want to show his/her feelings because that person does not want to hurt someone else's feelings, how is that untrue?

Maybe the true person is the Neanderthal in us all: uncivilized, no tact, takes what he or she wants, disregards others in order to express their own needs.
 
Do you wear a mask for the outside world? Different masks for interacting with different people?
Nope.

Do you consider yourself aware that you wear a mask? To what extent do you think you wear one; how different is it from your true self? When do you feel comfortable removing it?
I only wear gas masks. Yup, I feel comfortable wearing it wherever and removing it whereever.


What is your mask like?
It's an Israeli Military Gas Mask with a Nato Filter - it's cheap. Then I have a Russian and Czech one.

Are you sure of who you are underneath it?
Yeah, I'm Bionic, Bitch.

Are these really masks or do you consider every mask we have as just different parts of who we truly are?
Yup, legit masks. I have many angles to who I am and they are all authentic. I wear different gas masks for different play.


Do you wear a mask that prevents you from seeing yourself, or to prevent you from seeing yourself?
Sometimes it gets foggy if I breathe a lot.
 
Do you wear a mask for the outside world? Different masks for interacting with different people?
- yes.

Do you consider yourself aware that you wear a mask? To what extent do you think you wear one; how different is it from your true self? When do you feel comfortable removing it?

- I'm not sure. I used to be fond of the idea that no one knows my "true self" because I may build up walls or barriers to protect the real self. But I am my self for better or worse :). I don't think I hide it anymore at least not from myself :D. But I definitely keep some aspects more private. I disagree with those who say you are always your true self. We don't always have the luxury of showing how you are or truly feel because of social norms, expectations, customs, and civility. I think the thing that's most misunderstood are my motives. They see actions and then misunderstand why these actions are being taken. But that could be said for many people so I'm not unique in that respect in any case. But I've had too many experiences of people who just don't want to see certain aspects so you keep those parts hidden. They don't want to deal with reality, just the facade. So, you give them that. whereas for me, I want people who are real with me even if I don't share that much with them. I like people who allow me to be quiet and not feel as if something is wrong because I'm not expressive or always happy or smiling. Those people annoy me. It's like those people who think you should be friendly or comfortable relating with everyone. That's not me. Always depends on the person. I don't want to have to feel that letting my guard down involves compromising myself or being vulnerable. Not the same thing. You can share things about yourself and still not feel vulnerable to anyone. Another lesson I learned.

What is your mask like?
- I can be quite intense and rarely does anyone want to see that - they don't expect that. They see me as calm, reserved, nice, etc. But that ain't me when I'm around friends or family. That's just the face I show at work or publicly because that's the demeanor they need to see or feel comfortable with. I used to think I was transparent, and to some people I am, but to others, they see complications or simply put, people see what they want to see. My point is, sometimes these masks are not created by us but by those who perceive us to be a certain way. Sometimes, it's self fulfilling prophecy. Someone sees you in a particular way, you believe it's true, you internalize, and act out those perceptions in the way you see yourself, how you behave, or what you say or think.

Are you sure of who you are underneath it?

- I know who I am but it's not meant to be a mystery. I was too caught up on this idea of mystery once upon a time. I don't think everyone's a mystery. Many who are mystery to others for me are transparent. While some who seem to be exactly as they are, may be a mystery to me. I've had more than 30+ years to know myself well enough. I've even found a sense of certainty in it that I never had before. But it's not something outstanding or unusual or complicated. You just tend to become more aware of yourself as you get older. New situations reveal things about you to yourself and you grow from there. There's no big secret that needs to be discovered.

Are these really masks or do you consider every mask we have as just different parts of who we truly are?

-There are various faces we put on for various situations and different reasons depending on what's appropriate or acceptable. There are some parts of me people will never see because they are not appropriate for social or public use. So, of course you show those aspects which may be more accessible or easier to process for others than give them the whole enchilada at once. I also found that people were scared off when I showed them too much too soon and too intensely. So, I held back, and started using a more appealing persona. On the other hand, this also teaches you to feel negatively about who you are and hide it because there's always this fear you're going to give a bad impression or overwhelm someone with the other more intense aspects of the self. This is probably why some including myself are not going to share too many things unless you know someone is willing to accept the whole self. But for many, It's probably the same, you reserve some aspects of the self only for family, friends, or SOs. But one personal lesson I've learned is that it's NOT appropriate to make everything you feel or think public. It's rarely a good idea. Some things should remain private. There was a time when I'd tell everyone everything about myself and it was a bust. So, I learned some difficult and important lessons about sharing personal things with others especially in public or social situations. I never understood those kinds of boundaries but I definitely do now.

Do you wear a mask that prevents you from seeing yourself, or to prevent you from seeing yourself?
-Yes. When people impose expectations for how you act or behave or present yourself socially or publicly, it can mask who you are and cause you to believe you are the mask or face you present rather than someone who exists separately from these masks. This happens even with family.


And another reality is, no matter what persona you present, people will interpret your actions or persona based on their own cultural, social or personal schemas. You will never be more than a certain type or kind of person to them because that's the only way they know how to process you based on what they know of people in their world or environment. They may perceive you as A, B, or C even if you are the opposite because they don't have the words or categories to classify something that doesn't easily fit so they simply shove it a familiar box and label it A, B, or C. Sometimes, people are not interested in letting go of their feelings or beliefs about who someone is even if that person shows a different self than they thought. They'd rather see it as an anomaly than a true self. As a result, you show people what they expect or want to see, because it's easier than showing how you really think or feel and have people misunderstand. For example, some think I'm too serious that I don't really laugh or can't have fun or they think I'm boring. Many used to think I need to lighten up and I have. But my idea of fun and interesting is not their idea of fun and interesting. They believe there's is superior which is their right.

You can't please or be the same person with everyone.
 
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