This thread….Wow. I am amazed at this thread. It is the big container for idealism, unrealistic expectations and fear of abandonment and being alone. It is the breeding ground for lack of self development, disappointment and realizing you’re unsatisfied with life later on when your high and mighty dreams are crushed with the single blow of divorce papers.
Society as a whole in the American and westernized cultures have built up the idea of love. It is no wonder that women want to get married and have children when their childhood idols were Disney Princesses, when they were given baby dolls for Christmas and overall treated throughout there life as if there was some sore of expectation for that. Men are pressured the same way romantic wise; in contradictory terms as well. One of the terms thrown at males is that they must be the prince charming for every woman, while, at the same time retaining a tough playboy exterior. All of these stereotypes have painted a society where it is natural to constantly be looking for that ‘one true love’ to be pining and searching for a mate to start a family with, and dating nonstop in a rabid search to find someone to marry, for that is the American dream.
I am a protester of marriage. There are a lot of systematic reasons why I think Marriage is a bad idea, including political ones that involve separation of church and state, but there are also some closer to heart practical reasons why I do not think most people should exercise marriage and that there are stigmas attached to marriage that, in the end, are disappointed to nearly everyone. A marriage is a union that bonds two people, and it’s become to the point that if you are together and not married your relationship is ‘not as serious’. It also comes about that it’s easier to terminate bonds with someone you are not married to, etc. The idea that you need to stay with one person for the rest of your life is an idea I have never caught on to. I believe that a healthy individual who is interested in dating will have on average 4-6 long term committed relationships for every stage of life.
This is how I break it down:
Adolescence: I believe dating should start here. This would be 13-17ish, probably on the upper half of 15-17. This is the point in time where children transition to adolescence, developing reproductive systems and kick starting hormones. One relationship will typically form that will be long term, with two individuals who share the same interests. A high school sweetheart, you could say. Typically this breaks off as the individuals reach the next stage and develop different sides of themselves
Young Adult 18-25: This is the Young Adult phase that will typically enable a new relationship to develop. Typically individuals are going to college, working full time, and developing a better sense of self. They are no longer under the care of their parents but still have not developed a certain idea of themselves; many people get married during the Young Adult phase, but this is a BAD choice. Each person grows as an individual at different rates, but for most, the Young Adult phase is better spent alone or in a long term committed relationship that is agreed upon will not last forever.
Adult 26-37: This is the ‘adult’ stage which lasts a lot longer than most of the other stages. Most of the times the direction a person is going is set and this is a good time to get into a relationship because you tend to be consistent in your thoughts and ideas and living situation.
Aging Adult 38-48: This is the stage where an adult is considered ‘older’ yet, not quite physically old. The body starts to weaken while the mind flourishes. For intellectual relationships this would be the ideal age because most people have their own lives going on and are set in their ways. It can also be detrimental to relationships that were created at adolescence because a person has changed so much by this point in time that a relationship is no longer even remotely the same. Unless individuals change at the same rate, one will be left behind wondering what happened to what they once had
Retirement Age 49-67: This age is unique for the human cycle; individuals bodies are completely shutting down, they are reaching a mature age and are leading less and less active lives. Companionship becomes very important, especially for parents, who’s children are grown up and have completely left the house. This is the ‘nesting’ phase in childhood development classes but a very important one for relationships. Individuals are vastly different from how they were as an adolescent and continue to grow.
Senor Citizen Age 68+: Diseases that impair the memory typically set in now. Individuals are onset with the symptoms of old age and are gradually phasing out in their activities and involvement with relatives and the outside world. Companionship is very important, though, to those with diseases it can be very painful.
For each of the phases I described a new relationship should form; although, I’m sure for the last two phases continuance would be understandable. People change vastly during these stages and I truly believe a new partner---if a partner is needed for that stage at all (sometimes it’s better to be alone for a while)-- should be found.
I am also not apposed to polygamy and believe those relationships can be very healthy.
If you are getting into a relationship, though, because you feel you -need- one to complete you or you want one really badly, DO NOT get into a relationship. Relationships you will fall into when everything is going good for you- if this does not happen, then you should feel content as well, like has been stated, a good relationship with the self will heal any loneliness wounds as long as you have a network of friends, family, co-workers and the such to support you.
My attitude towards marriage and love is that they do not and should not exist; if we eliminate these ideals and look at life with a bit less of rose-colored glasses we will feel more empowered by ourselves and less worried about society-pushed manners of living.
Even if things change, mistakes are made and growth happens.
