My relationship experiences are poor...

It sounds like it was going pretty well. She may not have had time to type out a response to your long letter. Why don't you send a short message and suggest meeting?

 

Plenty of fish in the sea

SamE

First and foremost, EVERYONE is datable, though sometimes finding someone who satisfies your compatibility comfort level can be a bit of a process.

If you are directly wondering how to continue to converse with this particular individual, then I recommend that you simply ask why they suddenly stopped exchanging messages with you. Be prepared for any variety of responses, and remember that there perception of you does not reflect those of everyone.

It sounds like you automatically assumed that you did something wrong, when in fact that may not have been the case at all. If you follow my advice, and they respond in my manner that blames you, then forget about them and move on.

If you are referring to a general explanation of why you have a difficult time navigating the "dating world", then it could be that you have standards that many people may not live up too. Don't get my wrong, having standards is a good thing, but you are ultimately left with 2 options. Keep your standards and expect that the search for the "one" may be a long process, but you will eventually be very satisfied with the result OR lower your standards and accept a compromise.

Another explanation, that I myself find myself in, may be that you have a personality that very few people can relate to, and therefore they may be intimidated to pursue the relationship further. In this case, I have come the the conclusion, that again, you can be fully yourself and accept that the search may be long. Or you can tweak your personality in the initial stages of the relationship, and slowly introduce the depth of yourself over time.

It is in my experience that 99% of people are happy to oblige to the social conformaties and find comfort in seeming that they are like everyone else. The other 1% may want to conform to alleviate the pressure produced by social anxiety , but are not satisfied that "this is the way it should be".

One last piece of advice,
Be who you are to the fullest and don't worry if this means relationship may not come your way as often as you wish. If you compromise yourself, you will ultimately not be satisfied with your relationship with other people and especially yourself.

After all this, it occurs to me that you never described why these relationships are so important to you.

Is it because you feel that this is the social norm, or is it related more to sexual gratification?

Knowing why and what you want from relationship can often times help you to understand how to achieve it.

 

This is definitely true. I've had similar experiences on dating websites. If someone stops replying to my messages, I just assume he's decided I'm not his type or maybe he's in a relationship and was just bored and flirting. She could also be busy or nervous and trying to think out a thoughtful reply...I agree with Christmas' suggestion. If you really want to meet her just ask.

 

She could possibly be uninterested in any sort of relationship at the moment.
I definitely don't think you've done anything to upset/offend her. I am sure
she will reply with time. Sometimes responses are difficult to make, so many
options of what to say and so on.

 

^i wouldn't take it personally. her not responding probably has less to do with what you said and more to do with her and the other guy. i think you are really nice SamE. one tip though~ i wouldn't talk about my entire life story as soon as the other party showed the faintest amount of interest

 

It's good you are taking steps.

Please note though that the following tend to be turn offs to experienced daters (because they often lead to pitfalls in the relationship), and not saying that you are like this at all, but just giving some advice:

1. Clingy/not able to give the partner much needed personal space

2. Coming off too strong too fast

3. Coming off desperate for love

I think as far as dating websites goes, it's best to go in with a mindset that you don't need a relationship, and/or you are just looking to potentially learn about a friend that you personally relate to on a level that is important to you. That is where the most success is found I would think. Being able to message or recieve messages from other users and not go "IS THIS THE ONE?!" is very important to get a good experience and avoid you imposing your personal desires and expections on the other person (whcih isn't what relationships are [or at least should be] about). Approaching the situations and people you meet there very casually and following them by the ear would be best.

Personally, I don't really do dating websites. It comes off as too forced to me, and I am not comfortable being in a relationship with someone "for the sake of it" or because "it's how it should be". It just is too shallow and meaningless. If I am going to meet someone I met first online, I'm not interested in dating, and I think that's the big thing. I don't want to date the person, I don't them to be my boyfriend (I am gay by the way, so girlfriend if I was straight). There might be attraction there, and I might really like the person from chatting with them online, but I take it with a grain of salt until I can get real-world attraction (because everyone is different in person). When I find myself wanting to be around the person all the time and me being excited to hang out with the person to go do something again, that is when I will start being interested in a relationship, and only if I know he'd be the person interested in me too.

If it sounds hard, it isn't. Thats one thing I've recently learned that dating really isn't all that hard as it's always sounded to me. It's as simple as being yourself, and not being afraid of rejection or you rejecting. All you gotta do is just be who you are honestly, and if you find out that overall you two are not compatable, then no sweat - the two of you, who you both REALLY were, just weren't the types to work out on a relationship level.

I take it pretty seriously though. I don't date for funsies, and I find being close to someone as being sacred and not something that can be forced. So why force it? I'll hang out and maybe even go out with a guy I am interested in, but I don't cling or take my fantasies seriously at all until I truely feel comfortable inside and out about these thoughts.

 

Your disdain for nice just shows you buy into the notion that nice guys do finish last. You see it as a road block and as the end of any shot as soon as you see it... "Nice". I own it, affirm it and make it a centerpiece. I can be one of the nicest guy you can meet. I may be a single(technically) nice guy but that hasn't stopped me nor do I care. If they don't like me being so nice well then I probably want nothing to do with them. Just because I'm nice doesn't mean I don't have a spine and can't be assertive; they aren't synonymous and mutually exclusive respectively.

You're choices of steps to cite revolve around figuring out what women want simple answer: It's a crap shoot; there all different what one wants is not going to be the gold standard.

The one thing I will agree with is the list should be more than nice, dimension to one's personality is good and healthy.

 

I am proof that Aspies can get married. I married another Aspie.

 

ok, you're a kind & really good guy. make ya feel better?
nice is synonymous with the aforementioned words in my mind, so take it as a compliment. and with all due respect SamE, that stuff you posted about nice guys is a load of bull. like @Kavalan said, nice isn't equivalent to spineless or dateless, it's more than possible to be nice and still assert your will.

 

tch.

@OP: You know, if you think being nice is a bad thing, you should try being not nice. I'll be interested in hearing how that turns out.

 

Nice and spineless are not mutually exclusive. It's quite a large misnomer to think otherwise.