Male INFJs-Big Brothers?

[amplified83]

So I am a male INFJ, and a lot of my female friends refer to me as being a "big brother" because I'm very protective and supportive but not terribly needy. Out of curiousity, is this type of relationship normal between male INFJs and their female friends?

 

[Wyote]

That's what all girls say to all guys they aren't interested in having a relationship with. It's not type related.

 

[amplified83]

hmm true. funny thing is, one of them refers to other male friends as "little brothers" because they're more demanding lol. One of them's an ISTJ and the other's an ENFJ.

 

[squashballer]

From what I know, I am a guy, and I do get protective of people I care about.
Probably more protective of female friends and especially girlfriends, when I have one.

Actually, Wyote does make a good point. Girls see you as a saviour, like their protector who will come to the rescue, which is great if you just want friends. But most definitely she doesn't see you as a romantic partner.

Another thing to consider is to see if she appreciates your care and you being supportive. Does she give back anything or is she simply just using you.

 

[Faye]

No, the girls I know have never called me their brother.

 

[Zero Angel]

Therefore it is safe to assume that they want to have your babies.

 

[Faye]

Therefore it is safe to assume that they want to have your babies.

I was going to say that some of them probably want to have sex, but I didn't. Yes, I bet some of them do or at least they want to keep me as a backup option in their minds.

 

[Blind Bandit]

So I am a male INFJ, and a lot of my female friends refer to me as being a "big brother" because I'm very protective and supportive but not terribly needy. Out of curiousity, is this type of relationship normal between male INFJs and their female friends?

You have been friend zoned.

Once your friend zoned its pretty much impossible to get out.

 

[Bored Now]

You have been friend zoned.

Once your friend zoned its pretty much impossible to get out.

Aww its not all that bleak. I date friends sometimes. I actually prefer it. If you've been friend zoned your best bet is to be like the MVP of the friend zone if you ever want to get in any playing time on the field.

 

[amplified83]

Haha thank goodness the friend zone is pretty much mutual I was just wondering if male INFJs are supposed to be extra sensitive/reassuring or something.
Thanks squashball for the tidbit about making sure the support was reciprocated. I am actually taking that into account

 

[squashballer]

No problem amplified83.

The other thing I notice about myself is that I tend to be too nice to people, you can call me a people pleaser and thats actually becoming a bad thing because I just noticed something recently that someone was being nice to me but they actually wanted to take advantage of me.

That alone says to me that I can't stand my own ground, instead I cave in and do what others want.
Which in a way is fine but there is a fine line.

Does anyone else do this?

 

[amplified83]

I do that when I'm feeling overwhelmed or really stressed. It can get pretty bad. Most of the time I can control it after I've recharged.

 

[Motor Jax]

ummm, i guess...

i think because, out of me and my brother, i am the oldest ... so yea, i always grew up being big brother anyways...

 

[AUM]

So what you are all saying is that in order to avoid the "friend zone" we must be jerks?....

Isn't that the big paradox?

 

[Billy]

So I am a male INFJ, and a lot of my female friends refer to me as being a "big brother" because I'm very protective and supportive but not terribly needy. Out of curiousity, is this type of relationship normal between male INFJs and their female friends?

It is for me, I have been in this situation with many female friends, I am extremely protective even if im not sexually interested in them just because i worry about thier welfare. Im also an older brother to 2 boys and a girl, so i had a lot of practice.

 

[laurie]

Ha ha, that's not limited solely to INFJ males!
I'm a female INFJ and my friends say I'm like the father of the group ^^" I try to keep things light and sort of stuff between everyone (mainly because it's more comfortable that way).

 

[the]

That is cause none of those girls want to sleep with you... GET OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE!

Aww its not all that bleak. I date friends sometimes. I actually prefer it. If you've been friend zoned your best bet is to be like the MVP of the friend zone if you ever want to get in any playing time on the field.

very good analogy!!!

 

[the]

So what you are all saying is that in order to avoid the "friend zone" we must be jerks?....

Isn't that the big paradox?

No you dont have to be a jerk you just have to be "dangerous" or sometimes very macho.

 

[Billy]

No you dont have to be a jerk you just have to be "dangerous" or sometimes very macho.

This is not true, the way to avoid the friend zone it to make a declaration of intent early on. This takes balls though and men who try the "friend" routine often lack the balls to make that move so it becomes a self fulfilled prophecy. You don't have to be macho or a jerk you just have to be confident. Another good trick it to not put all your eggs in one basket. If you are a single guy you should be wooing multiple women at once until you find the one you like best, this way if any 1 rejects you you arent devistated, you have other options. Most women do this all the time, no reason men shouldnt eaither.

I find that men who go the "friend" routine are often more vile then men who are up front about how they feel. Befriending a woman just because you are sexually attracted to her is a false premise to be someones friend and its dishonest, which is why it often fails and the woman has to drop the guy when he starts getting pissed off that she doesnt realize that he is secretly in love with her. I mean... honestly...

There was a web comic one time I remember seeing, and its content was similar, it was a guy who tried to friend some girl, and she started dating what her referred to as "some jerk" which lead him to some tirade about how all women just want assholes and jerks. To which is friend replied, oh I see, he's the jerk because he had the balls to ask her out, and youre not the jerk because you tried to manipulate her from a secret agenda by becoming her friend and helping her do her homework etc etc etc.. it was pretty poingent.

If you like a girl, LET HER KNOW, dont try to befriend her with an agenda, you will rightfully fail!

 

[Eniko]

Off-topic but I have to agree with Billy. In fact there's been whole articles written about "nice guys". There's a difference between being a nice guy and being overtly nice to a girl to try and woo her. The latter smacks of insecurity and desperation. Most girls I know don't prefer jerks, they just prefer guys who don't feel the need to throw their all at a girl.

On-topic I'm not sure about INFJ males being seen as big brothers. I know I'm generally seen as the kid sister though. That's a pretty interesting dichotomy right there, isn't it?