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Male INFJ Female ENFJ

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by BlackKnightKisses, Oct 3, 2008.

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  1. BlackKnightKisses

    BlackKnightKisses Community Member

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    Hi new to this forum. A also recently back in the dating game. I tend to be attracted to ENFJ ladies but don't know how compatible we would be long term. I haven't seen much in relation to this pairing and would like some insight.
     
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  2. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    Welcome to the forum, another convict huh? Sweet! :)

    I'm not sure if I've ever met an ENFJ but it sure does sound like a nice set of preferences.
     
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  3. Shaz

    Shaz Community Member

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    Ah! I have a situation of female INFJ male ENFJ here, the other way around.

    The ENFJ in question I call my "best friend" because I have no other word for it, but it is in reality a relationship which falls in a blury zone between friendship and a romantic relationship. It has been so for three and a half year (pretty much the first day I talked to him) and I'm not sure whether it will change one day. I guess I could call him a soulmate.

    We were never both single, and we always restrain ourselves (which is often quite difficult). In a way now I think it's a good thing and none of us know what would happen if we were single. Obviously we would cross the line we never crossed, but what then?

    The reason is that our connection is so intense that we are both afraid it couldn't last in the long term. In a way I feel he his so similar to me, it would just be too much, too intense, too surreal.

    From a more pragmatic point of view, I think I'm better off with an NT because we have more to make each other grow, to puch each other a bit further. If I was to date my ENFJ we would lock each other into our own little bubble.


    This said it is an odd relationship and I think there is much more to it than types, even if it partly explains it.
     
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  4. Silently Honest

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    Good luck with that.
     
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  5. OP
    BlackKnightKisses

    BlackKnightKisses Community Member

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    My own thought are we may try to out give each other. I did find this whilst searching the net,

    " As far as being an ENFJ, I don't think it would cause any major problems. You probably admire his depth, unshakable integrity, and thoughtfulness. He is probably attracted to your enthusiasm, energy, and confidence. They often describe INFJs as needing an extravert to make them force their inner creativity into the external world, and I can't think of a better type to do that for an INFJ. As an ENFJ, you could help him learn the value of breadth. As an INFJ, he could help you learn the value of depth."

    The only concern is find talk can be shallow and avoiding the deep issues it may be a trust thing and nothing to do with temperment.
     
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  6. Jess

    Jess Newbie

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    I've been dating an ENFJ male and I'm an INFJ female

    I've been dating an ENFJ male and I'm an INFJ female....our third date will be tomorrow night and he wont tell me where we are going cause it's a surprise! :D

    I prefer ENFJ's over any other type for romantic relationships!

    My sister is a INTJ female and her bf is a ENTJ male...they have a 16month daughter and they seem to be going good after 3years and living together. Maybe that would be the same for ENFJ/INFJ matches too...?? I think it could work long term.
     
  7. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    It could work, but I see a major problem, and is the precise reason why I wouldn't get in a romantic relationship with an ENFJ.

    INFJ's like to recluse, and turn inward, where as ENFJ's to the reverse of this. If the two parties are upset, the ENFJ will likely push to talk, and become very emotionally needy, which is not what they INFJ would want at the moment. While both types need feedback to feel ok, the approach it in different ways, and as such it can lead to conflict.
     
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  8. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    That's hardly a "major problem". It's an issue, but all relationships have them.

    I know one ENFJ and the mutual respect and understanding is pretty astounding.
     
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  9. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    My main problem with my ENFJ friend is that I can focus very exclusively on him without a problem, but he has a tendency to need to focus on many different people or events at once. That's more of a problem than the INFJ reclusiveness, I think.
     
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  10. bs98r3kjf

    bs98r3kjf Well-known member

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    This. I think the INFJ might feel that there isn't a balance in the amount of attention they give each other because ENFJs really do (try to) focus on many people/things at once so their attention can sometimes be divided.

    Personally, I sometimes find myself dividing my attention among a bunch of people/things sometimes. Other times, (and I feel guilty about this sometimes,) I find myself dropping friends or projects because of this. It's not like I don't want to give these people/projects the attention. It's that there are many I'd like to give my attention to but obviously can't do it all at once all the time. This isn't to say that the INFJ will always seem more committed to the relationship than the ENFJ, but it is tough for ENFJs to gear most of their focus towards one person most of the time, so they might seem like they are reserved or not so into the relationship, and this might hurt the INFJ if they don't understand it well.
     
  11. Billy

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    I am in a relationship with an ENFJ female, and its been the best relationship (so far) I have ever had. Shes sensitive, intuitive, in touch with my needs. And while yesm she may give attention to a LOT of people I never really feel like thats a bad thing. I think its funny how people are trying to say INFJs are reclusive in 1 post and wont like the attention and in the other people are saying INFJs are needy and wont like to divide attention... well which is it?

    For my part I feel like I am falling in love with her, annnnnd, we are really in sync with a lot of things. Its intense and emotional, but I like that. So does she.

    I have always loved ENFJs, my favorite friend growing up through highschool, and the only guy I could ever tolerate was an ENFJ, they exude genuine-ness which is something I am attracted to.

    Being meaning seekers by nature INFJs can do much worse then an ENFJ partner, because a good ENFJ will know what your needs are, will be in tune with what you want and know how to prioritize. A lot of people seem to say everything except that ENFJs are flakes, which is simply not true... Most of the ENFJs I know don't need to bounce around to everyone, that's an ENFP... ENFJs like genuine-ness too and tend to have a lot of acquaintances and few close friends (very much like an INFJ)

    We have a lot of fun together, but she is J enough to get serious when I need it, which is why I never understood the MBTI thing saying that the natural pairing for an INFJ is an ENFP or an ENTP, I disagree wholly, P's in general wear me out because they are so all over the map with what they want and think and do.
     
  12. Razare

    Razare Community Member

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    My sister is an ENFJ.

    They're great, but I could probably never date one because of the reason above. :)

    It's definitely doable in the long-term, but whether it works just depends on the individuals involved.
     
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  13. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    Compatibility depends upon similarity, which is more determined by factors outside of MBTI.
     
  14. xylene_free

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    I'm a male INFJ and have been married to a female ENFJ for 9 years. We argue quite a bit when we are not spending much time together, or should I say, she argues AT me :). Although during the times we do spend a lot of time together we get along famously. Because she fits into society better than I do and I work only from home, she's able to earn more money which puts a bit of stress on things but it's not too bad. She does fully understand me and while she does spend a fair bit of time with her friends in the end she prefers to talk to me since we share a lot of understandings about how things should be, which is why we are still married. The other females in my life and past that I've been attracted to that I know the type of are all ENFJ's or other INFJ's (which I found impossible to ever convince one to stay with me) so although I don't feel this is a perfect relationship, I guess it doesn't get much better for an INFJ.

    I will just add, my best (I have very few) male friends are ENTP's. They always like to bounce ideas off me to confirm their theories before they actually build something (which I would never get around to doing myself). I can also have good debates about what is real and what isn't with ENTP's, I think they help each other find a more normal middle ground
     
    #14 xylene_free, Apr 24, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2011
  15. Bird

    Bird Happy Go Lucky

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    This is an ancient thread.


    I could never picture myself happy with an ENFJ
    but that could be because of being raised by one
    and being all too familiar with the bad sides and
    my own paranoia.
     
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  16. xylene_free

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    Yes ancient... state the obvious much :)? Do you guys have a ban on posting in threads older than the milk in your fridge. That's bad form. Anyway as no one had answered the original post after 2 years and I'm the one who's married to an ENFJ rather than just guessing, I've made my small contribution to making the thread more complete for future generations :)
     
  17. purplecrayons

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    I have a love/hate relationship with ENFJs. They are SO argumentative, and will NOT let things go! Even after an HOUR... UGH! Just leave me alone! I would never date one...
     
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  18. Ness

    Ness One

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    Either way..someones getting fucked.
     
  19. lynchman

    lynchman Newbie

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    I am now two years with an ENFJ and the relationship is the closest I've come yet to bliss. She is the first female to truly get me
     
  20. GYX_Kid

    GYX_Kid Regular Poster

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    Male INTP Female ENFJ. :thumb:

    How about Male INFJ Female ENTP?
     
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