Making friends

Soulful

Soulful

life is good
MBTI
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How do you get to know people? How do you make friends? What's the process like?
And where do you meet these people?
 
Usually it's in a trapped setting... i.e. school, work, volunteering or hanging out with current friends. It's only when I'm forced to be around people that I get to know them and vice versa.
 
I know them all in school. usually I meet someone and that someone makes a group of friends and I just join them (I'm incapable of taking the initiative....pride, maybe?)
 
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I usually just hang out with the people who live near me...I've been living in residence for the past 5 years and my friends before that were friends from grade 1. I meet other people usually by just going up and saying hi and introducing myself. Seems to work pretty well. If I find out I don't really like them that much, I add them onto my list of acquaintances and just say hi to them whenever I see them. Otherwise I get to know them better and invite them to things that go on in my life...
 
I wait for people to come to me. I usually won't approach someone, and just wait for them to talk to me first, then go to there. Once someone first talks to me I will almost always respond in a friendly way (unless they are mean, or I simply do not like their vibe). It is very rare, but sometimes I meet someone where I just know I will get along with them, and will go out of my way to establish friendship. I have done so with 3 people like that, one turned into my best friend, the other two I am very close with.
 
Yep.. I agree with trapped setting and networking through already established friends. I met most of my friends and acquaintances (bar friends) through previous jobs and current work after the initial coming-out-of-my-shell 3 or 4 month period and just joining in on their ridiculous antics when invited, or being friendly when they approached me or invited me places. It seems like if you're just nice to people and give off a mellow vibe they start talking to you. Or you could start by talking to someone you're interested in getting to know and figure if they don't respond well at least you tried and that's pretty admirable... but most people will respond well.. unless you're wielding an ax with a crazy "murderous look" in your eyes..
 
i usually use my flirtation methods...

"ah, is that a good book?" then i start taking a keen interest in what they are telling me about said book (it could be about their choice of groceries, movie, etc)... then it goes onto what they like, their interests... then their manner, how they carry themselves, how they react to others... then their looks, their hands (i love hands, and will usually complement good looking hands)... and then the discussion itself, whether its engaging or not...

... if they are a good conversation, i will be back...

... i flirt this way a lot... but only that, no thought on relationship really...

... i try to make them fill comfortable (which they usually are)... and i end up with a lot of chick friends...

.. the guys wonder how i do it...

... i have guy friends also, but i don't talk to them like that... i find a good conversation, then go about my way... if i find someone who can think further than his pants and his next date, i will consider talking with him again...
 
gOpHeR said:
Usually it's in a trapped setting... i.e. school, work, volunteering or hanging out with current friends. It's only when I'm forced to be around people that I get to know them and vice versa.
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I agree 100%. I actually can't imagine making friends any other way, I mean, what are the alternatives? Are you going to just walk up to random strangers and say: "Hey, be my friend"? But, I must say that being on the forum is helping me become less guarded with people in real life.
 
Soulful said:
How do you get to know people? How do you make friends? What's the process like?
And where do you meet these people?
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From school and work. It takes decades to know they are my friends. Just kidding... It depends. There are different kinds of friends. Some of my friends are nice but we cannot really connect too deeply, may be because of different temperaments. They have a great sense of humor, unlike me, and are always fun to be with. Only very few can really connect and understand on the same wavelength but it usually does not take long to become friends with them once found because it feels so effortless and comfortable talking with them.
 
I usually just walk up to someone and say ... Hi! My name is Maly. It works like a charm!

If I'm at a bar I may offer to buy them a drink, or I'll ask them to dance, or I'll just make small talk and see where it goes.

I met my dearest friend at work 16 years ago, but I have many close friends and acquaintances that I just happened to meet doing all sorts of things. One good friend came about through a third party that neither of us speaks to anymore.

Funny thing is that I am entirely incapable of seeing anyone off alone at a gathering ... I'm sure I may have pissed off more than one INFJ in my lifetime. I can't tell you how many times I have seen someone alone in a corner of the room and I've singlehandedly moved the "party" to that corner so that they wouldn't be alone. It never occured to me, until I joined this forum, that they well may have WANTED to be alone in their happy corner ... oh well, I've always meant well ...
 
CokeNut said:
I'm sure I may have pissed off more than one INFJ in my lifetime. I can't tell you how many times I have seen someone alone in a corner of the room and I've singlehandedly moved the "party" to that corner so that they wouldn't be alone. It never occured to me, until I joined this forum, that they well may have WANTED to be alone in their happy corner ... oh well, I've always meant well ...
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It was you?! :m080:

Hehe. Yeah, I learned not to go to parties anymore because I was expected to partake in this strange ritual called socializing... odd.

:m083:
 
CokeNut said:
Funny thing is that I am entirely incapable of seeing anyone off alone at a gathering ... I'm sure I may have pissed off more than one INFJ in my lifetime. I can't tell you how many times I have seen someone alone in a corner of the room and I've singlehandedly moved the "party" to that corner so that they wouldn't be alone. It never occured to me, until I joined this forum, that they well may have WANTED to be alone in their happy corner ... oh well, I've always meant well ...
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More often then not, I feel very unconfortable off on my own at a party. Mostly because I need someone to iniate the conversation and get me involved. So usually this makes me happy when someone helps get me into things. :party:

However, if I do not like the company at a party, and can not leave, this will make me obscenely mad, upset, and is just very emotionally taxing, more so then it already is because I am purposly sequestering myself to said corner. :sad:
 
I usually do something that I find personally interesting, and see who shares my interests. Like joining up with a club, or like when I began attending my dojo. I just got on with those that shared my interests.
:m080:
 
IndigoSensor said:
More often then not, I feel very unconfortable off on my own at a party. Mostly because I need someone to iniate the conversation and get me involved. So usually this makes me happy when someone helps get me into things. :party:

However, if I do not like the company at a party, and can not leave, this will make me obscenely mad, upset, and is just very emotionally taxing, more so then it already is because I am purposly sequestering myself to said corner. :sad:
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thats why I choose the parties I go to. I make sure I know almost everyone there and make sure that the possibilities of any surprises poping up are slim. If theres someone there I dont like, i wont even consider going to it.

topic wise though, my good friends were made through forced circumstances. Still, I resis anyone getting too close and thus even under forced circumstances ( i had to meet and talk to this guy, everyday of the week and more as we went to the same tution and were in the same class) , it took him almost 6 over months of talking for me to trust him and allow him in. I cant imagine anyone doing that now. 6 over months of time with someone is something that will not happen now due to school and stuff.
 
CokeNut said:
Sawy ... :m033:
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It's okay. :-) Sometimes I must be forced to have fun and sometimes that means interacting with others.

I remember a friend coming to my house and dragging me out to take me to his b-day party, that night was one of the best times I've ever had and I actually socialized with everyone. (Of course the large amount of alcohol consumption assisted with that). However, I don't know that all the socializing was worth the 3 day hangover afterwards, maybe it would've been if I could've remembered it.
 
[SIZE=Default]"You must have failed deeply on some level or experienced some deep loss or pain to be drawn to the spiritual dimension. Or perhaps your very success became empty and meaningless and so turned out to be a failure" -Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now[/SIZE]
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This is off-topic, but that's a very interesting quote BlackSwan.
 
CokeNut said:
I usually just walk up to someone and say ... Hi! My name is Maly. It works like a charm!

Funny thing is that I am entirely incapable of seeing anyone off alone at a gathering ... I'm sure I may have pissed off more than one INFJ in my lifetime. I can't tell you how many times I have seen someone alone in a corner of the room and I've singlehandedly moved the "party" to that corner so that they wouldn't be alone. It never occured to me, until I joined this forum, that they well may have WANTED to be alone in their happy corner ... oh well, I've always meant well ...
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Apparently extraverts like to involve others and don't appreciate others trying to involve them while introverts like to be involved by others and don't appreciate others who expect them to involve them.

Would be interested what you guys think about that cause I certainly relate to the extravert part.
 
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