Making an INFJ friend! | INFJ Forum

Making an INFJ friend!

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Feelings, Sep 27, 2009.

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  1. Feelings

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    I'm kinda lonely. I think an INFJ would make a good friend for me. Yes, I know, typical INTJ strategizing. I work with one, but she thinks I'm an insensitive douchebag because I wasn't sending and receiving on the INFJ sensitivity wavelength this whole time, which I -can- do. INTJ's have such a feature :m114:

    How in the world am I supposed to befriend this INFJ? We're compatible, I'm sure. Save me some guesswork, ok? And save this INFJ some grief :D

    Pierce
     
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    #1 Feelings, Sep 27, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2009
  2. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    Heya :) Welcome :wave: Plenty of INFJs here!
    Vancouver.. lucky :)
     
    #2 Soulful, Sep 27, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2009
  3. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    Be more sympathetic to her troubles? But not overly so, or falsely. INFJs can usually tell when someone's not being genuine and it's not something they like.
    Hmmm, maybe try to find a similar subject of interest (work is a good one to start with) and try not to dominate the conversation (I've had this problem with my sister who is also an INTJ and it's kind of irritating after a while).
    Overall, just show your 'feeling' side a bit more and try to relax around her as much as you can. INFJs sense your fear O_O
     
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  4. sparko

    sparko Newbie

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    well for a start, this person has already given you some feedback about why there is distance between you.

    i develop friendships very slowly and i get resentful if people force intimacy on me and demand that i have a closer friendship with them. just get to know her, listen to what she has to say, focus on your similarities as people rather than compatibility as types, and don't worry about it too much. friendship is a mutual thing and if she turns out not to want a close friendship with you there won't be much you can do about it anyway. so chill out!

    disclaimer: my advice is totally subjective!
     
  5. Indie.J

    Indie.J Community Member

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    Well personally I like people who have integrity, a sensitive side and an openess to ideas other than their own. If I percieve someone as narrow minded and insensitive I will keep away. Being genuine is definitely important as well. If somebody is genuinely interested in knowing more about me then usually I'll tell them. I don't like people who are in your face though.

    It's hard to tell you what to do about a particular INFJ because we're all so different but I think spending some time on this forum is good for starters. Read around because you'll find a lot of our likes and dislikes and how we interact can be found within our posts. Getting to know what's common between us may help. By the sound of things though you may need to show more genuine sensitivity and show you want to know her as a person and not because of her type. INFJs can generally spot a facade from a mile away.
     
  6. Zero Angel

    Zero Angel Permanent Fixture

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    Show your humanity somehow. You are after all human, and even the strongest of human beings possess weaknesses and things which move them and affect their morale. In addition you also share the process of introverted intuition. While you may judge things to different criteria, you share a common mode of perception, this is a very good thing to have in common. INTJs possess a surprising amount of depth.

    I do not believe that most INFJs would exploit that, but rather encourage and protect it. Keeping our guard up is the job of many an INFJ, we do not believe it should necessarily be yours.
     
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    #6 Zero Angel, Sep 27, 2009
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  7. Indie.J

    Indie.J Community Member

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    I agree with this. All my closest friends show a very high degree of humanity within their personality.
     
  8. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    spend most of yr time in yr 'feeling' mode when yr with her... remember that as well as being an INFJ, she's also a female which equals being 'sensitive' more so anyways, lol

    good luck!

    and as I was about to click submit, I thought of something else... pls refrain from bad jokes as (I'm just thinking of myself here), it can b pretty off putting ;)
     
  9. slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    I don't know I'm still working on befriending my INFJ. Apparently, he keeps getting depressed and shutting off, losing his medication, and having a lot of stuff happen in which he constantly apologizes about. I really need to get him out some time, to do something.

    INFJs are tough nuts to crack, and it's frustrating when they are not direct.
     
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  10. OP
    Feelings

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    I'm pickin' up what yer puttin' out there... interesting little observation: "normal" people prefer to see your stronger side. An INFJ wants to see your vulnerabilities? I'm a private person too, but I suppose I can sack up and squeeze out a few nuggets of humanity:

    Well I'm going from Finance to Medicine. If I had gone straight for Medicine, I would've "saved" 4 years. Although I'm proud that I had the nuts to turn back. The money is the same. I can complete my CFA charter in two years and be making tons. Or, I can complete my medical pre-reqs in 2 years and be at the very bottom rung of med school. I'm doing it because my passion is to make a significant contribution to humanity. At present my focus is on medical research, although I absolutely see and feel the humanitarian problems in the world. Yeah, we need to learn to love each other, but we also need to cure cancer and migraines.

    I'll care for and protect my younger sister above all else. This is forever on the top of my priority list. It's above career ambitions, and above caring for myself. Nobody else carries this level of status to me.

    One of the things on my "to do" list is to send my parents travelling. They're very good to me.

    I suppose I'll slip these odds and ends in somehow.

    Pierce
     
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    #10 Feelings, Sep 27, 2009
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  11. Wyote

    Wyote Dad of the Ded
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    Unless you know her really well, stating those things just makes you sound like a douchebag. And you want to stop being an "insensitive douchebag."

    Give the why behind those things, the feelings you have about your pursuits. Like caring for your sister, that part is great. That will get her attention.

    You seem like a good person, just be genuine.
     
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    #11 Wyote, Sep 27, 2009
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  12. Us er Na me:

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    Me personally. The first thing I notice is manners and how you treat others. I cant stress that one enough. If you have a generally negative attitude towards others, are insecure etc. I will keep you at a distance. Always. INFJs have a special knack for seeing through everyones bs, before we have even been formally introduced. We know what your intentions are before you do most times. If you are just trying to "crack" her because you want the challange, she more than likely already knows it, and you wont get far. I work with a girl thats an INFJ too. We might talk once a week. If she has something to say she will. I the same. Other than that I dont say Hi to her or other small talk. We know each other are there so we dont have to go the usual chit chat. What you expect or want her to be is probably not who she is. Its REALLY hard for an INFJ to be what someone else expects them to be.
     
  13. Gaze

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    Same here.

    Seems to be true.
     
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    #13 Gaze, Nov 1, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2009
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