What kind of events, environments, circumstances, or personalities are likely to displace or distort your sense of equilibrium (mental, emotional, etc.)? Or to "throw you off balance", knock you off your inner feet, so to speak, or to feel your sense of self has been flooded over?
When it comes to events, this seems quite personalised to do with my issues because it's normally the sense that I have made a mistake. I get very, very anxious if I feel that I have made a mistake.
With people, there's a few different ways people effect me. There is a certain type of personality that I find unbearable and them just being them and being there just gets a rise out of me. These tend to be people that have a low self esteem and are overcompensating for it. Generally, they are challenging in conversation in that they see everything as being a competition and want to "win". They feel better about themselves if they are seen to be superior or deliberately respond to others in a way that appears to evidence their superiority - they try to embarrass other people, is the main gist of it. They do this because they want the person they're talking to to know that they are better, stronger etc. But often these are the most unhappy and least strong people. Even though I know that, and that they're doing it because they're unhappy, I still find them intolerable and I have no sympathy for them. Often they are status seeking and attempt to disassociate themselves from people they predict will be seen as having a low status. Often they get it wrong, and I love it when that happens. To disassociate themselves they will make it as blatantly clear to everybody, especially the person they wish to be set apart from, that they are not impressed with the lower status person - embarrassed for them, perhaps. I feel overwhelmed with anger by these people, though, not really upset.
To be overwhelmingly upset, it is generally that a person I love or just a person I know is good is upset and there's nothing I can do. I tend to (in that stereotypical Fe way) feel as they feel and I find that quite unbearable - for both of us, I suppose, so it's not really very selfless in any way though it may look like that to others.
I get very upset if I feel like I have upset someone and sometimes assume it's my fault when I see another person upset, even if this is totally irrational.
Oh, and irresponsibility - though I think that goes in the mistakes part.
Other things that have knocked me way, way, way off - as in times I've got very ill - have generally been external events that I wrongly assume at the time say something about me. It tends to be events that question the myth I hold about myself (and at least part of it is myth) which leads me to feel shame, despair and self-loathing. These myths tend to be around my capability and inner arrogance. I have a strong inner arrogance that constantly tells me I am amazing, though I'm embarrassed to admit it - overcompensation, though, trying to make myself feel better! Were I actually arrogant, I would not be able feel so sensitive to external criticism. I've just written elsewhere that I am not sensitive but as I write this I realise I am - this is the kind of confusion I often have about myself. In my life I have been thrown off course to a significant life changing extent a few times and it has been about 1) I am slim (this was to do with my mam having eating disorders, though, I was slim but she questioned that and that sent me insane for a few years). 2) I'm clever - straight A student but I missed my targets in my GCSEs because I was bulimic at the time and - yeah - not concentrating or eating. They predicted our A level results off of our GCSE results and gave me a slip of paper showing "what they expected from me" - it was so much lower than what I expected of myself that I stopped going to school for a while or when I did go, I didn't work. 3) I am a good girlfriend.
Is this something that happens easily in your experience or are you less likely to be de-centred or overwhelmed in this way?
Yes. Tends to be about mistakes, though. If I feel I have made a mistake I am thrown easily.
What, do you suppose, can this frequency or infrequency can be attributed to?
Distorted perceptions of the outside world.
How do you re-center yourself when it does happen?
My natural inclination is to think it through, work out "why" etc, normally discuss with others or look for reassurance - this gets me nowhere and makes me worse. I have since learned the best way is to trivialise the problem. If I am able to see that, in the long run, the mistake is not as important as it feels, that helps. Mostly it is distracting myself with other things so that I don't have time to obsess - I'm extremely obsessive and this really makes everything worse.
Ideas on how to lessen the frequency (I.e. Preventative action)?
Coming prepared. Having the skills from the start. I have been trying to teach myself, for years, to just look through a different lens and keep things in perspective. I also try to notice if I am becoming obsessed with something and try to nip it in the bud quickly. I also try to calm myself down i I get anxious that an obsession might start by rationalising to myself that the fear of obsession (not being in control) is almost certainly what drives my obsessions anyway.
