Looking into peoples eyes | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

Looking into peoples eyes

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Jill Hives, Nov 11, 2010.

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  1. Ming on Mongo

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    Well there you have it, feeling "entitled", even though you already know that "most people aren't that comfortable". That's what "boundaries" (and the folks who ignore them) are all about. Do you appreciate it when others find excuses to ignore your boundaries?
     
  2. tfg345i4u5lw

    On Holiday

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    I don't like to make eye contact with people very much. I feel like i'm challenging the person if I make too much eye contact. It's much easier for me to make eye contact with women than with men because I don't think women would see me as "challenging" them.
     
  3. StarsPer

    StarsPer Regular Poster

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    I think you have to realize that you don't own the rights to peoples ability to look at you, just as you don't own whether I use your name in a bad way, or that I can talk about your person as much as I'd like when you're not around.

    I don't imagine you defending the rights for others to not have to go to a grocery store where people have exposed legs, even though some may find that that makes them very uncomfortable, or is even something considered heinous by their religious beliefs? Nor do I imagine you defending the rights for recent victims of rape to not have to hear jokes about sex? And for vegans who are doing it for ethical purposes to not have to be around people talking about meat consumption?

    These are situations where some people will feel uncomfortable, and some won't. They are also situations where one persons preference is going to win out over anothers. It's important that we be sensitive to the possibility and reality of making somebody uncomfortable, and make a judgement call as soon as we can. But that doesn't really take place before having any idea how things are going to go, or what potential issues may even exist. Using my intuition beforehand, I really don't know that everybody or even most people are going to have so much of an issue with being seen.

    The fuller view of this topic includes that some people may like the attention, may feel flattered, may hold your gaze, may be just as interested and all sorts of other positive possibilities. And these possibilities are being lived out all the time, all around the world by all kinds of people who are different than you. And those people have preferences, too. They may have the preference to look at things, and to say things; we would simply hope that they (as I do) use their intuition and sensitivity to make decisions that respect us.

    It is not a conclusion that if you have a hand in making somebody uncomfortable, you have made the wrong choice. Consider the position of gays in a world full of discomfort.
     
    #43 StarsPer, Feb 1, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2011
  4. CorLeonis

    CorLeonis Community Member

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    Yeah. It freaks me out NOT to make eye contact (when engaged in conversation)... I stare directly into the eyes. Can't help m'self.
     
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