[INFJ] Life after life

[MJ24]

Last week I unexpectedly lost my grandfather. It made me think a lot about death at all and on various levels.
What did you feel when you lost someone? How do you interpret death - as a process or short moment, in a biological or more spiritual, religious way?
When you think about dead person do you think about their personality, life, history or maybe does the sight of dead body haunt you?
What do you think about the life after life? Have you ever read any studies about death? If so, then what vision of death and what happens after it does convince you the most?
For me it's the first time when I lost someone close. I think I deal very well with that, but I don't have anyone who would like to talk with me about their reflections connected with death so feel free to tell anything what comes to your mind and please, share with me your stories.

 

[Roses In The Vineyard]

 

[aeon]

Last week I unexpectedly lost my grandfather.

I’m sorry to hear that, doubly so inasmuch as it was unexpected.

What did you feel when you lost someone?

Gratitude that my father’s suffering had ended. A warmth in remembering the significant moments and times we shared. A kind of calm. A sadness that I would share no more with him, and that he would no longer share with me. I would no longer be able to help him, and I felt an emptiness because there was nothing more to do in service of his comfort and well-being. I felt an almost unbearable pain in consideration of what my mother’s experience might be—which was later confirmed. I felt proud of my father, for what he had endured and overcome in his life. I admired him as a man, and loved him as my father. I felt something approaching shame in remembering when I had disappointed him. (In typing that, I am crying now, such is my sorrow for the missteps I made which he witnessed.) I felt a kind of peace, a stillness, a quiet. I thought about the things that were essential to his character, his presentation in the world, and I laughed inside celebrating those things and then also felt the loss of those things.

How do you interpret death - as a process or short moment, in a biological or more spiritual, religious way?

I see it through all of those perspectives, but ultimately it remains a mystery of sorts.

When you think about dead person do you think about their personality, life, history or maybe does the sight of dead body haunt you?

The former. I never think of his body, unless I will myself to do so for some reason.

What do you think about the life after life?

I don’t know if there is any. I’m open to the idea that there is, but also open to the idea there is not. I am okay with, or accept, that either may be true, or that it could be something else entirely.

Have you ever read any studies about death?

Yes, from a number of disciplines and perspectives, each with their own inquiry.

If so, then what vision of death and what happens after it does convince you the most?

I am not convinced by any of them—it remains a mystery to me. It is the unknown, a kind of final frontier, if you will.

For me it's the first time when I lost someone close. I think I deal very well with that, but I don't have anyone who would like to talk with me about their reflections connected with death so feel free to tell anything what comes to your mind and please, share with me your stories.

My heart goes to you. I hope I’ve given you a bit of what you are looking for.

Best to You,
Ian

 

[Sandie33]

New Last week I unexpectedly lost my grandfather.

What did you feel when you lost someone?

Those feelings for me are dependent on who passed and our relationship.
For example my paternal grandmother passed on my twelfth birthday. She had brain cancer, gone about 90 days after diagnosis. She and I were very close and as a young girl I viewed her as someone I wanted to emulate her gratefulness and fortitude. My mother passed when I was seventeen after a 3 1/2 year struggle with S4 breast cancer ...I felt cheated from the opportunity of knowing her from my adult woman's perspective. Honestly, I felt a deeper loss when my grandma left us than my mom. Mom's death was a blessing as an end to her struggle, whereas my Grandma's passing was an end of an Era.
The stony coldness that I felt just after each loss left different times of getting through, yet the sting is still there.

How do you interpret death - as a process or short moment, in a biological or more spiritual, religious way?

IMHO, death is a transition of spirit from one form to another.

When you think about dead person do you think about their personality, life, history or maybe does the sight of dead body haunt you?

yes, and yes.
On two separate occasions I witnessed two men put a gun to their head and pull the trigger. One was an acquaintance, the other a very dear friend I'd gone through school with. The resolve that I saw in my friends eyes haunts me if I let it...the fear and pain I saw in the other gentleman's eyes feels similar. Each event changed me forever. Times in our lives that once seen can't be unseen. ♡

What do you think about the life after life?

Yes ... and with deep felt hope that there is life after life. Our Earthly opportunities can't really be for naught, can they?

Have you ever read any studies about death? If so, then what vision of death and what happens after it does convince you the most?

Yes, some theories have merit, some not.
As for death, I've witnessed a gentle passing of a soul, and I've witnessed the violent passing of a soul, in each instance I felt there is more after death and it should be welcomed as a "passing" ... the passing from one state of being into another state of being, with the end game differing for each.

Take care, hoping you find a sense of peace.

 

[John K]

Hi @MJ24 and welcome to the forum. You have raised some pretty deep questions and I hope you find good sharing here.

Last week I unexpectedly lost my grandfather. It made me think a lot about death at all and on various levels.

I'm so sorry you have lost your grandpa. I hope you got to know him really well - it's a great gift if you grow to adulthood with grandparents still around. One of my grandfathers died when I was four, and my dad's parents by the time I was twelve. Mind you, my mother's mum lived until she was 99 and I was 50! I'd have loved to know the others when I was an adult - there's so much we could have shared but was lost.

What did you feel when you lost someone?

Oh that's complicated, because it depends on circumstances. My parents each died after several years deteriorating with dementia - it was a blessing when they passed away. Dementia is horrible because you lose them slowly until they are still alive but the person you knew is no longer there. Sudden death is very different and full of grief because it isn't expected. There was a lady I knew well at work who died like that. I had been her manager, but she'd moved into a different group and she was killed in a risky deep-diving accident. She left a husband and three young children they'd recently adopted. It was an awful tragedy. I have very mixed feelings about it - should she have been taking such risks with the family commitments she was carrying? I don't know - she lived life to the full in her own way and she died trying to assist someone else who had got into trouble.

How do you interpret death - as a process or short moment, in a biological or more spiritual, religious way?

Oh I'm quite mystical . I think death is a transition - a bit like water turning to snow or steam. What's more, who's to say we are the same person as we were yesterday, and maybe the person we are today will be gone in the morning and we will have moved on and become someone else. Something in us dies and is reborn as someone a little bit different every day.

When you think about dead person do you think about their personality, life, history or maybe does the sight of dead body haunt you?

I'm not bothered by the sight of a dead body. The person isn't there any more, though it should be treated with great respect. After I retired (I'm in my early 70s) I spent a lot of time researching my family history, going back to the 16th century in some places. What I hadn't anticipated is that it completely changed what I thought of as a person. We normally think of living people as they are now, but of course most of the folks in my family tree are long dead and I'd never met them. I started seeing each person in terms of their whole life from beginning to end rather than as they were at any particular age. I came to realise that we have no fixed identity until after we have died, because it's changing all the time before that. This is how I think of my mother and father now - not just as they were in their last few years, but in all their glory as they were through all their lives.

What do you think about the life after life? Have you ever read any studies about death? If so, then what vision of death and what happens after it does convince you the most?

Like I said, I'm quite mystical. I've known since I was a small child that I'm just passing though here to someplace else, and so is everyone else. I could try and express this in the vocabulary of quite a few of the various spiritual and religious systems, but that wouldn't really express it properly. It's more like something that I'm aware of directly - a bit like how you can tell where the sun is on a cloudless day with your eyes closed.

For me it's the first time when I lost someone close. I think I deal very well with that, but I don't have anyone who would like to talk with me about their reflections connected with death so feel free to tell anything what comes to your mind and please, share with me your stories.

Could I suggest that you put together the story of your grandpa's life while it's all still fresh in your family's minds. Include photos, and any good stories as well as the major events of his life - and who his parents and grandparents were. I found bags full of old family photos at my dad's place, and they go back to the late 1890s - of course a lot of them were in poor condition, but I restored them. It was quite magic - and many of them I'd not seen pictures of before. I felt that I wasn't just looking at old dead wood, but bringing real people back to life again in my mind and heart. I made this video with some of them and posted a copy in my blog here in the forum a few months after my dad died (he got to 98 years old). I feel it's good to remember and celebrate the lives of those dear to us who have passed on. You can keep you grandfather warm in your heart that way.
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