Is there benefit in taking a child to church? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Is there benefit in taking a child to church?

I would say it depends entirely on the church and the parents in question. It also depends on the children and what they think (believe it or not).

It is what the people involved make of it. It could be anything from a positive pillar of support in the children's lives to something that they come to loathe and that drags them down. So if people are going to do it, they ought to do it with pure intentions and intend to practice what they preach (as well as have a preacher that is also authentic). Or if there are good social benefits, then that works too. But if you're not getting those things, then you're both a hypocrite and wasting your time and might as well sleep in and do other things.
 
Harpy said:
I loved going to mosque as a child. I got to wear nice clothes and my Mom would let me wear some of the special perfume (It's called attar, made from Frankenscience). We'd usually go out for ice-cream after Friday prayers. I would pray next to my father and afterwards we'd say hello to our friends (well my parents said hello, I usally ran around like a crazy person with the other kids). It was a family tradition and a deeply comforting one. Going to a mosque wasn't just hoping in a car, driving to a select location to performing muslim aerobics or muslim chanting. There was a lot of love and attention endowed in those tiny, what were then meaningless, acts. This is not to say that mosque was always a very happy place, but really what is? I don't believe in outright rejection of anyone-anything, particularly my religion. It's part of the gift my parents give to me. It's the legacy of my ancestors. Moreover, it is MY tradition (And 'aint nobody gonna tell me what to do in my house). I'm going to change it to suit my needs. I follow what I like and find meaningful, I change what I can and I don't follow what I don't like. I'm not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

So much of my adherence to religious practices is following tradition (not blindly of, course, but shifting, playing and endowing new meaning on tradition to meet my needs). It's nice for me to think that I am performing the same action that my parents, my grandparents and my ancestors did. It creates a chain on transmission, a living story. It's lovely to know that you are part of something greater than the concerns of oneself. The act of performing a ritual almost breaks down the idea time of time and space. When you are performing the ceremony, someone somewhere in the world or at some given time in the world is performing the same act. With the performance of the act, the distance between you and the person is removed, it is almost as if for a few minutes there exists no you, no them- just simply the one. The rituals, these ceremonies become powerful conduits to realize that one is not alone.

Of course the caveat at the end, this my perspective and the approach I will teach the children of my house- respect tradition but do not become burdened by it. It is just another perspective to see the randomness we call existence.
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Dont mention tradition around here. They will label you ISTJ !!!! :)
 
I don't believe in forcefully indoctrinating anyone, I feel it is something personal that people should choose for themselves. However, I also believe a family has the right to actively practice their religion, and that is likely going to include having their children participate. But just because I believe it is a right doesn't mean I agree with it, but then again I have a beef with religion in general.

This is what I think someone who is considering taking a child to church ought to do: bring them along...if they like it and want to continue to go, let them. If they don't, then don't force them to go anyway. My parents did this and it just made me hate church even more.
 
I wont be taking my children to Church.
 
Absolutely, but if they don't want to go they shouldn't be forced.

My mother is a devout Catholic and she forced it down my throat. I appreciate her exposing me to God and as a little girl I was very interested in religion, prayer and developing a relationship with God. There did come a point to where the innocence of it all wore off and I began to uncover the hypocrisy and mind controlling aspects of organized religion for myself. Ignoring my dislike and refusing to hear my opinions, she turned me completely off "going to church" and stills pleads with me to go to this day.

IMO from my personal experiences, the human aspect of the church is corrupt. I am still very religious in my own way and very much believe in the existence of God --I've seen the gates of Heaven and know that it exists.

If I had kids, I would probably go to church for them and suck it up. A relationship with God/higher power is important for them to have and their experience could be totally different than mine. Ultimately it would be up to them.
 
Hoggle said:
Dont mention tradition around here. They will label you ISTJ !!!! :)
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Since when did liking tradition make you an ISTJ, J are supposed to like tradition.
 
Yes, the benefits far outweigh the possilbe negatives. I would never want to be without a religious community: who else will share my sorrows and joys? who else will hold me accountable if I act badly? who else will share my journey? who else gives me donuts after mass? JK :D Remember that you are the parent. If you conclude that church/synaogue/mosque/nowhere is best for your kid, it doesn't matter if the child doesn't like it. After all, I hated veggies and my mom made me eat them anyhow. I can't stand famlies where the children run the parents--its bad for both children and parents. So take a stand and do what you think is best for your kids.
 
Hoggle said:
Dont mention tradition around here. They will label you ISTJ !!!! :)
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Without our traditions our lives would be as shaky as... as a fiddler on the roof.

We INJF's really despise ISTJ's bossing us around and killing our joy. Some of us remember ONLY this when they think of religion. The truth is, that in an organized religion, each type has its own part to play. SJ's keep the utilites on. NT's keep us coherant and make great leaders. NF's write all the books on prayer and help create the aura of worship. And SP's? Come on, if you haven't been to a bottle dance at a bar mitzvah, then you just haven't lived, baby!

[video=youtube;PYuYojyDwN4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYuYojyDwN4[/video]
 
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I loved going to mosque as a child. I got to wear nice clothes and my Mom would let me wear some of the special perfume (It's called attar, made from Frankenscience). We'd usually go out for ice-cream after Friday prayers. I would pray next to my father and afterwards we'd say hello to our friends (well my parents said hello, I usally ran around like a crazy person with the other kids). It was a family tradition and a deeply comforting one. Going to a mosque wasn't just hoping in a car, driving to a select location to performing muslim aerobics or muslim chanting. There was a lot of love and attention endowed in those tiny, what were then meaningless, acts. This is not to say that mosque was always a very happy place, but really what is?
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This was so beautiful! This is why I think all kid should have some sort of religious upbringing. Who would want to cheat a child of this?
 
GracieRuth said:
Yes, the benefits far outweigh the possilbe negatives. I would never want to be without a religious community: who else will share my sorrows and joys? who else will hold me accountable if I act badly? who else will share my journey?
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This stuff doesn't exist outside of a religious community?
 
I would not until they were actively curious about philosophy/theology. Teaching morals is obviously important, but religion is another matter. I would do my best not to let my personal religious beliefs even touch them, honestly.

Is there benefit in church/organized religion for children? Sure, it gives a foundation for social interaction, faith in something, a pillar to lean on (the "trust" factor), and a fledgling philosophical understanding. That is not the only way to imbue these things in children, however, and as the parent you will have to pick a path for them until they can walk their own. You seem to be mindful of this; continuing the habit of exposing your children to myriad influences seems a good idea (as long as some coherent and organized foundation for approaching and understand life is formed, lest nasty psychological things happen later).
 
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well of course i can always hold myself accountable when i behave badly. but that's just my individual way; if it comes down to an assumption that god is necessary for morality, do we need a church to hold ourselves accountable for our actions, or a god? because in this case, a church fulfils no function differently than a generalised social community. i can also share my journey, my triumph and defeat, with my loved ones and friends - i don't need a church to do that.

the analogy of church to veggies is extremely problematic. there is no argument as to whether vegetables are good for physical bodies, but i understand that there is some argument as to whether church is really good for developing minds. it doesn't follow that just because a parent decides something is right for his or her child, that it will necessarily be right for the child. some parents may decide that the best thing for their child is to be beaten and starved. should we encourage them to take a stand and treat their child however they want, just because they decide it's right? i hope not! there have to be other more clear and justifiable reasons than just giving a parent free licence.
 
Some church services would indeed be boring for kids.....the concepts are too abstract and sitting still is not their natural state. In my case (and that of my kids) the church service was only one part of an entire lifestyle (friends, family, mentors) that exposed them to, and engaged them with, a truly diverse and rich community of faith...not just a Sunday service cut off from all the rest. It was this wildly (and uniquely) diverse exposure that (I think) gave them a range of ways to connect...ways that engaged the heart, the mind, and the many other part of their lives. They chose from there to form their own unique personal expression of faith...there was a lot of options and perspectives they could draw upon. In this way it was less about a choosing a faith life as it was choosing a life that actually works, one more based on Reality and less based on illusion....one that actually works in the real world.
 
Honestly, I never stepped foot inside a church until I was 14 or 15 years old. I grew up none the worse for it. In fact, it helped me understand religions on a more intellectual level than, I think, someone growing up in the middle of them would have been able to.

I didn't learn about hell and brimstone and fire, so I grew up guiltless and happy. I grew up, learned good morals from my parents, and ended up a good person for it.

Pros:
-Free childhood
-Ability to look at religions objectively
-Lack of hesitation to combine traditions/ pick knowledge from multiple sources to create something that worked for me

Cons:
-No donuts on Sundays. :p
 
udremeei said:
I grew up none the worse for it. In fact, it helped me understand religions on a more intellectual level than, I think, someone growing up in the middle of them would have been able to.
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I do get this. I went to Mass but not to Catholic schools, so I missed out on that whole scene, only to rediscover many aspects of my faith as an adult. This made a huge difference for me personally. Maybe it was just the time and the place though...my kids were more immersed in the religious culture than I was but (again, time and place) it was with some pretty authentic people in a pretty authentic setting.
 
I thought I would give you all an update. We have recently begun attending a large Methodist Church. Both my sons tell me that they enjoy it and want to continue returning. My oldest sits in the service with Mr.S and me. My youngest goes to Sunday School. We have several friends at this church and are already familiar with the pastor. Mr.S and I have been enjoying it for ourselves as well. On a funny note I was cleaning up the kids playroom one day and found a Lego man that looked like the pastor, so I gave it to him. He laughed hysterically. It's nice being around people with a sense of humor and humility.
 
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Dragon said:
I would say it depends entirely on the church and the parents in question. It also depends on the children and what they think (believe it or not).

It is what the people involved make of it. It could be anything from a positive pillar of support in the children's lives to something that they come to loathe and that drags them down. So if people are going to do it, they ought to do it with pure intentions and intend to practice what they preach (as well as have a preacher that is also authentic). Or if there are good social benefits, then that works too. But if you're not getting those things, then you're both a hypocrite and wasting your time and might as well sleep in and do other things.
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This is pretty much what I think.

Mr. Temporary got way too much church as a child, and flatly refuses to go, so if I'm taking the children, I'm taking them alone. I can't hear anything when they preach, and can't stand sitting still, so it seems pointless for me to go, and the children won't sit still for the sermon at all, and have expressed little interest in church the couple of times I took them. I would take them to any church or synagogue or whatever if they asked.

That said, I do like some of the churchy people I know very, very much, and I wholeheartedly support their efforts to do things I agree with (food banks, for example) and will selectively participate in some of the groups and community-based activities. And I admit when the children were younger and I was a bit overwhelmed I was tempted to go for the very un-religious reason that church provided free daycare one morning a week. (yes, I know.)

OTOH, I would not want to bring them to a group that undermines their science education, or makes them feel fearful and guilty, or promotes cliquiness and intolerance. That, in my opinion would be very bad for them and I wouldn't do it. However, not all churches are like that, so the bottom line is a very wishy-washy "It depends.: :D
 
I started trying to reconnect with the Catholic faith I was born into. I started 6-7 years ago. I wanted a family tradition to raise my children in. My family has been Catholic for as long as God knows when. Also, I felt a spiritual connection with the Church, probably from the brief time I was exposed as a child. So I had my first child baptized. For a brief time I was going to Church on my own to reestablish a connection and planned on taking my kids at some point, but I felt they were too young. I always hated going alone. Perhaps if other people in my family went with me I might have stuck with it longer, but soon after I started taking my first child to church I started having strong doubts going, especially when she'd asked questions about where everyone came from. It is hard to reconcile certain faiths with evolutionary theory. Having studied evolution extensively in college, I cannot possible believe that we came from anywhere but a long lineage of evolutionary progression. So taking my child to church gave me fear that even though I wanted a strong family tradition to be passed on I was more concerned that my child wouldn't feel free to inquire on her own. I suppose I'm essentially some kind of agnostic when it comes to actually knowing, but at the same time I am a very spiritual person. So when it came to my kids I decided to focus on the variety of religions and spiritual practices that exist around the world, so they can see that religion and spiritually are universally human conditions that still have a place in today's world. I discourage any kind of fundamentalism. But, that's just me :)
 
Sitting still is a good thing, children need to learn that at some point. Having some type of faith in something larger, greater than us, also a necessity for psychological health. That being said, those things can be learned without having to once introduce "church" or God in to the picture: learn to meditate, learn science, appreciate art, write stories/poetry.

Church, in my eyes, stunts a person's growth if it's handled incorrectly. "You're not responsible for anything, good or bad, because God preordained it and made us this way." is a destructive, irreversible lesson to learn when you're still developing psychologically.
 
I found Church boring as hell and even if I still believed in Christianity, I wouldn't force my kids through an hour of mundanity.
 
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