@MINFJToothFairy, I'm coming late to the conversation, but wanted to say that my experience with my INTP friend-lover-husband was super intense for the first several years, where neither of us had ever had the experience of being with someone who could open the door to our soul before, so we assumed we must be soulmates and got married. We were together for 22 years. At the end he basically just stopped talking to me for several months, shut me out, and then told me he wanted to "separate". It became clear very quickly that he wasn't interested in resolving anything with me, so we agreed to divorce, and yes, he got a resounding doorslam from me.
I think now that my doorslam was essential to our being able to continue to function, because when you connect with someone's soul that deeply, you can't turn off the awareness of them or their feelings unless you doorslam. It's self-protective. He seems to have done the same to me, though INTPs don't doorslam, right? So I think he just shuts himself down and turns himself off when we must interact. Because how else could he otherwise escape his awareness of me and how I am like a mirror reflecting back the image of himself from the deep darkness and pain he inflicted on me.
Anyway, I am *DONE* with Ts as romantic or life partners. (Sorry, Ts.) Whenever we had conflict, which as you can imagine, wasn't something we allowed ourselves to have very much of, it always sort of boiled down to his T against my F and vice versa, and we even talked about it that way. He just could not make space for my F, and for years he tried to rationalize me out of my feelings. It was very hurtful even if he didn't mean it to be. And the way he left the relationship was incredibly insensitive and cowardly.
So no, I do not think INTP/INFJ is the golden pairing. Though it surely felt that way when we were 15.
That said, my INTP endured a lot of emotional (and likely physical) trauma in childhood and I have often thought that he's just totally emotionally stunted because of that. He acts like an arrogant, self-centered 14yo. He never responds to my texts or emails if he can avoid it - and all I am communicating about is purely factual, nonemotional kid logistics. (I know how this works. No F means more of a chance he will actually accept what I am saying without discounting it.)
Now that I have met a couple of other people who have been able or seemed likely to open the door to my soul, even though they are not romantic partners, I know for sure that it's not just a once-in-a-lifetime thing, which is a great relief. The second person it happened with was an INFJ male, and he said he'd never felt that way with anyone but me. I had with my ex, but I kept that to myself. ;-) It has also come close with an INTJ (sorry, T - not for me) and an ENFP (married, so nope). But that allows me to be hopeful.
And honestly, the magic was gone after the first two or three years. By that time, he was already cheating on me. I don't know if that is rare or common for INTPs. Our marriage ended because deep down he was in love with another person - an xNTP. She can have him. I think they work because they are emotionally deficient in the same ways. Again, I'm not sure if that is from their T or from their childhood trauma (which she also has her share of).
So do with that what you will. I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out. It is so sad when it doesn't work out for INFJs; there is so much pain and suffering on our side. I wish you a nice, supportive INFJ or ENFP prospect in short order. I wish myself the same...
