Intimidating ENTP crush? What should I do? | INFJ Forum

Intimidating ENTP crush? What should I do?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Chalti, Dec 24, 2014.

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  1. Chalti

    Chalti Regular Poster

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    The person I like right now is definitely an ENTP. He's blunt, argumentative, highly opinionated (he doesn't like it when people argue poorly, and will pretty much show them how inadequate their argument is with pretty harsh, but truthful words), competitive, and insensitive at times - er, well, most of the time. Oh, and he's really loud...Especially when he's being competitive.

    But because of that, he's really intimidating? I'm a very quiet person, and it takes a long time for me to open up - heck, I don't really open up to my closest friends unless they're my best friends, so it's very difficult. Flirting is unnatural to me, as well - I'm so guarded, it's hard to openly express myself, and I feel a bit arrogant if I even try.

    Because he's intimidating though, I've ended up avoiding him, and he's noticed because he's been doing the same thing as well. I sometimes feel his gaze??? I feel bad, because I always turn down events that he participates in, and I'm sure he's starting to notice...He does; however, initiate a few things - It's pretty bad, though, because they're only Facebook things, but he does try to show that he exists in some way - which I know he does. I mean I've reciprocated back in terms of FB, but I know that's not enough.

    He talks to everyone, but me. He talks to me, indirectly, though. Like, if I'm in the same room, he'll mention my name in a conversation, but not really talk to me?? IDK.

    So, what should I do?

    I'm not sure if I like him or the intimidation really gets to me??? But I'm always excited whenever he does recognize me.
     
  2. Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    That doesn't sound like any of the ENTPs I know. He sounds like an ESTJ but with the not talking to you directly, maybe an ISTJ who is outgoing.
    I have no real advice for you here because I am avoidant with crushes as well. This has not deterred most people who are interested, so I do think that you will attract the person who fits you by being you. If you are too intimidated by him, maybe he is not a good match for you?
     
  3. OP
    Chalti

    Chalti Regular Poster

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    Yeah, I think I'll just continue to let whatever happen, happen...
    I'm terrible at typing, I just read ENTP articles and I applied it to him, but seeing ESTJ also kind of makes sense too. Hmm..
     
  4. iHeartCats

    iHeartCats Community Member

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    Caution, you're dealing with a weirdo
     
  5. Cornerstone

    Cornerstone Well-known member

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    I used to test as ENTP when I thought being happy was a simple as exercising free will in whatever way appealled to my intellect and that was fitting in as well as being ever-so-slightly superior. I liked a quiet girl, probably ISFJ. I couldn't bridge that gap without losing face and others around didn't like my attitude. I think she saw through something in a way but I don't think she suspected what was really going on under the surface.
     
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  6. Nixie

    Nixie Resurrected

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    I second the weirdo thing but doubt that "careful" will get you anywhere.
     
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  7. OP
    Chalti

    Chalti Regular Poster

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    A weirdo? Uh oh. I think I'll stay away, hahahaha...
     
  8. Peppermint

    Peppermint Well-known member

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    Highly opinionated, insensitive, competitive, overbearing? Doesn't sound like the best boyfriend for a quiet and sensitive person. Unless you think you can play at his level and not come out hurt, it'd probably be better to stay away.
     
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  9. nosferatu

    nosferatu Community Member

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    Don't box him in the ENTP box and rather pick apart the interactions - how does it really make you feel? Would it be worth pursuing if you will be feeling more drained and like you want to avoid him in the first place? It already sounds like he is holding back when he talks with you, because of the sensitivity. Also, why do you want to be noticed by him if you feel like avoiding him, would being noticed by someone else sound like a better option?
     
  10. OP
    Chalti

    Chalti Regular Poster

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    @noserfatu Me and another user had a rather comprehensive conversation about my feelings for this person, and I think it's safe to say that I am just attracted to him because of how opposite we are - which I know is kind of dangerous since I'm pretty sure my sensitivity and his poorly developed sensitivity would make things complicated.

    I avoid him like I do with other guys because I am shy with guys in general. I grew up with a very strict father, so it's a bit difficult for me to open up with men especially...
     
  11. Erlian

    Erlian Community Member

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    Loud and intimidating men are often insecure in some way. Maybe if you can collect the guts you could challenge him. If he likes you too I bet he'll appreciate it. No clue if you can pull that off though. Personally I love it if people challenge me in any way.

    Don't think in MBTI terms. Think you about who he is.
    I'm an advocate for not judging him on his extraverted sides. I'm also an advocate for opposites (but then again I love discussion and (contained/polite/reasonable) conflict), so if you say you're attracted to him because he's your opposite I'd say go for it!
    His insensitivity might only be his social mask or it might be his true self. Go find out!

    But then again I'm no girl and have no clue how you'd go about flirting like a girl.
     
  12. Rcs6r

    Rcs6r Must be the feeling~
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    Ask him out.






    Do it.
     
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  13. SealHammer

    SealHammer Flying Quesadilla

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    here, i made you a flowchart to help you visualize your situation

    [​IMG]

    good date ideas for mushy bleeding hearts (you) include coffee/lunch, a walk in the park, and hiking.
    good date ideas for hardcore ENTPs include hardcore chess and other such 'stimulating' banalities. ymmv
     
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  14. Reanbell

    Reanbell Newbie

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    NONONO don't just ask someone out ???

    I agree with the people that are saying to be careful first. Why get involved with someone if you're not absolutely sure about it? I wouldn't go after someone I was just "kinda" having feelings for or not too sure about. Maybe you just need to get to know him better (if you want to). If he's already intimidating and confusing, imagine how that relationship would be like. Sometimes opposites attract but sometimes it can also blow up in our faces.

    I dated a guy like the one you describe and while it was wonderful, I was pressured for physical intimacy, asked to go out drinking or smoking and 'party'. And that wasn't me. Our opinions clashed and while he said he "loves to argue" , it turned to fighting really quick.

    so yea be careful
     
  15. OP
    Chalti

    Chalti Regular Poster

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    [MENTION=12105]Reanbell[/MENTION], thanks for being a voice of reason. Not like everyone else WASN'T.

    I think I'm going to keep myself at a distance. I don't think I could force myself to initiate either way, especially with someone like this. All my past crushes have been timid, but kind people, so this sudden change in personality was new and - haha, I guess I'm not so gung-ho anymore...

    Thanks everyone!
     
  16. Rcs6r

    Rcs6r Must be the feeling~
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    Perhaps that is your brain subconsciously longing for growth and change, which you won't get if you keep at a distance. Maybe don't pursue this particular guy as he clearly makes you uncomfortable... Perhaps try finding a nice INTP or some such logic type that offers the same perks without the overbearing personality.
     
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  17. HunterO

    HunterO Community Member

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    I'm confused to what you exactly like about him? It appears that you're intimidated by him and describe him in a negative light.

    Perhaps if you could describe more what you like about him/ why you're attracted to him, people might be better equipped to help you aside from random ambiguities in which there does not seem to be enough information at hand to make an assessment.

    However, I also wonder how you know he is an ENTP if you do not know him well? I've seen ESFJs, ESTPs, INTJs, ESFPs act in a similar manner. It's really not conducive towards yourself to immediately type him without getting to know him, because oftentimes, people are wrong in their type assessments.

    I also think if you were truly interested in him, perhaps smiling at him would signal reciprocated interest.
     
  18. Nixie

    Nixie Resurrected

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    Crap! I haven't been pressured for sex or been forced to go out and "party" and drink and smoke in tooooooo long......
     
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  19. OP
    Chalti

    Chalti Regular Poster

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    [MENTION=10364]HunterO[/MENTION] Er, like I said I think it is because of that person being my complete opposite that I found myself attracted to their personality. I think his bluntness is funny, though, and I find his enthusiasm for the little things - refreshing! He's really loud when he's heated up, my friends are embarrassed about that, but I think it's somewhat cute. I admire his stalwart opinions, too - even if I might not like how he always wants to argue with someone, I think having that sort of trait is admirable in a way.

    Either way, I think I'll end up avoiding him. I think I'm still way too sensitive and cautious about having my feelings shot down by someone so direct.

    And I will try not to type people anymore! I'm horrible at it, and the title of this forum is pretty misleading - oops.

    Yes, I do smile at him, but I smile at everyone, so...

    Thanks for the advice!
     
  20. HunterO

    HunterO Community Member

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    From the way you describe him, he kind of sounds like an INTJ.

    Maybe you should get to know him before making any sort of decisions. The worst that could happen is that the two of you end up as platonic friends.
     
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