[INFJ] - INFJs and Texting? | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] INFJs and Texting?

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shygirl

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Jan 5, 2017
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Hello, friends. I'm very close friends with a guy who is an INFJ. We've been friends for a few years but I recently started to develop feelings for him. The trouble is, I can't figure out how he feels about me. I've thought about asking, but I don't want to make our friendship awkward.

He acts like he likes me because he seems to be nervous around me, is very protective of me, I catch him staring at me a lot, we'll have a few seconds of intense eye contact, he called me beautiful (which ive never heard him call anyone else before - I've heard beautiful is usually saved for someone special... Right or wrong?) and initiated the two of us hanging out a couple of times (usually we just hang out in a group) and has offered to help me with multiple things.

However, I'm receiving mixed signals because while he does all of this, he also acts like he doesn't like me sometimes. He'll intentionally avoid eye contact with me occasionally, looking at everyone else in the room while talking but me, he takes a long time to reply to my texts and usually replies with short answers (unless it called for a long answer) and sometimes doesn't even reply at all, hes extremely quiet around me when the two of us are left alone, he seems almost more extraverted around other girls. I don't know if this is an INFJ thing or a shy guy thing, but if anyone could help me out I'd appreciate it. Sorry this was so long!
 
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shygirl said:
You're not, I agree it's funny :) I just feel silly now that I basically posted the same thing twice on here lol
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It's okay. But for reals, take it from someone who has agonized over stuff like this in the past: it's not worth it! No matter how awkward or nerve-wracking it may be, it's so much easier to just get it over with... Have the talk. Otherwise you're going to keep over thinking and waste a lot of valuable time.
 
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INFJ16 said:
It's okay. But for reals, take it from someone who has agonized over stuff like this in the past: it's not worth it! No matter how awkward or nerve-wracking it may be, it's so much easier to just get it over with... Have the talk. Otherwise you're going to keep over thinking and waste a lot of valuable time.
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Thank you for this :) I think I will talk to him.
 
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shygirl said:
Hello, friends. I'm very close friends with a guy who is an INFJ. We've been friends for a few years but I recently started to develop feelings for him. The trouble is, I can't figure out how he feels about me. I've thought about asking, but I don't want to make our friendship awkward.

He acts like he likes me because he seems to be nervous around me, is very protective of me, I catch him staring at me a lot, we'll have a few seconds of intense eye contact, he called me beautiful (which ive never heard him call anyone else before - I've heard beautiful is usually saved for someone special... Right or wrong?) and initiated the two of us hanging out a couple of times (usually we just hang out in a group) and has offered to help me with multiple things.

However, I'm receiving mixed signals because while he does all of this, he also acts like he doesn't like me sometimes. He'll intentionally avoid eye contact with me occasionally, looking at everyone else in the room while talking but me, he takes a long time to reply to my texts and usually replies with short answers (unless it called for a long answer) and sometimes doesn't even reply at all, hes extremely quiet around me when the two of us are left alone, he seems almost more extraverted around other girls. I don't know if this is an INFJ thing or a shy guy thing, but if anyone could help me out I'd appreciate it. Sorry this was so long!
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Hey:) Like the awesome people on here are saying, best thing is to just talk with him about it. Yes an INFJ guy on here might be able to give a little bit of insight, but every single one of us is unique and you know him better than any of us. Thing is, if he is an INFJ then most likely he would respect you for your honesty. Nothing gets me closer to people that raw honestly, even if it goes against what I say, do or want.

Now these are just what I would be doing/thinking as an INFJ male. It does not mean that your friend is thinking the same at all but I guess you already know that. Just making sure hahaha.

When I begin to have feelings for someone, I tend to distance myself. I have found this is probably from the fear of getting hurt. INFJs don't love easy but when we do, we love deep and if something goes wrong, we know that the pain is going to be unbearable. So I step back almost subconsciously; I'm trying to figure out if I should let that person in. Because letting them in, I'm opening myself up to the risk of pain as well as love.

Also, I only let someone into my inner-circle if I think they'll be in my life 'forever'. That sounds weird I know, but it's just how I am. I'll either try to be the best lover in the world or no-one at all. The best friend in the world, or nothing. There's just no middle of the road. So I would step back and think if I can see that person in my life 'forever'. I did find someone like that but they left, but that's another story:tearsofjoy:

Also, INFJs need time to recharge on their own sometimes. If someone disrupts me during this time, I can see how I could make them feel I'm being distant (which I kind of am) and I can even get passive-aggressive sometimes when my space is invaded:/ But remember, this time to recharge is so that we can come back into the world with love for the people we care about again.

Hope these ramblings help you. All the best.
 
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Babygirl, just send him a text: "I like you. Do you like me?" or some such.
Just let him know you like him in a more-than-friends way and ask him how he feels about that.
Texting will make it less awkward for both of you.
Good luck!
 
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I realized that most of my texts are largely related to getting other people to do things.

"Hi, let's go to X on Thursday."

"I want to see you at Y this week, drinks are on me."

Be a jerk like me.
 
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Pin said:
"I want to see you at Y this week, drinks are on me."
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But you tell me I have to wait for years before we can have a beer :cry:
 
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