INFJ males: are you "the rebound guy"? | INFJ Forum

INFJ males: are you "the rebound guy"?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by analyst, May 16, 2010.

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  1. analyst

    analyst Newbie

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    It's taken me a long time to realize this pattern in my life, but in over half of my relationships, the woman has been coming off of a major long term breakup, and fled to me for security and comfort. This almost always ends in heart ache for me, as the female is blowing off steam, learning that it's ok to be loved again, while at the same time, I am developing feelings.

    Anybody else have this problem/pattern? Any ideas on how to avoid it? The provider in me always wants to help...
     
  2. the

    the Si master race.
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    help yourself first.
     
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  3. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    No, I refuse to date someone if they are just coming out of a serious relationship.
     
  4. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
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    I know I'm not a guy but I have been the rebound before. I think it's important to start slow with someone coming out of a long term relationship. They need time to become independent again and to analyze their past relationship and grow from it.
     
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  5. Tamagochi

    Tamagochi Sushi Destroyer
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    As Dragon had suggested, just stay away from the crash site for a few months. Let her weep on someone else's shoulder and then come to you for the goodies. It's better that way.

    If you absolutely want to help, then do realize the consequences of doing so.
     
  6. NiennaLadyOfTears

    NiennaLadyOfTears Goth Hobbit Lass
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    Not all rebound relationships end up badly. My husband and I started out as a rebound (my not-so-serious boyfriend didn't want to do long distance) but things went very smoothly for us until we went long distance due to his health reasons. We were in a long distance relationship for nearly 5 years before we married.
     
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  7. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    Yeah. I'm not a guy but being the rebound isn't a good idea whichever side you're coming from, unless you don't mind being just friends or the person (in most cases) eventually moving on. The person rebounding is in a phase of healing and it creates an inherent imbalance within the relationship.
     
    #7 Soulful, May 16, 2010
    Last edited: May 16, 2010
  8. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    I've been the rebound guy before. Not really a pretty place to be in, and you really do have to give the other person time to heal. Also, you owe it to yourself. It sucks when someone else comes through and makes the slam dunk after you.
     
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  9. VH

    VH Variable Hybrid

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    Boy howdy!
     
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  10. Ergo Christobal

    Ergo Christobal Talking Lightbulb
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    I've helped on the rebound before, but I've been happy to. I like to lend a shoulder, but usually I'll keep it platonic out of respect for the dumper and general emotional instability of the dumpee.

    INFJs might be more prone to the "rebound guys" for our insight, willingness to help, and inability to deny someone a good listener in a bad spot.
     
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  11. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    Well, I sorta am with the guy I am currently with. He was with someone for 3 years, and had broken up a month before we got together. That did raise alot of warning signs for me. The thing that make me think it was forgivable though, was he was in a LDR with this person for 2 years up until they parted, only seeing each other once or twice a year. They just fell out of love really, ended on a good note. Hence it didn't make me take that into concideration much as not much attachment to him still would be there.
     
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  12. Faye

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    I think a situation like this is fine. What it comes down to really is whether or not the person has emotional baggage from the previous relationship. If they do, then you don't want that baggage getting dumped on you because that can lead to massive drama and may doom your relationship from the start.

    You can't really help it though when the person (and I've only seen girls do this but I'm sure guys do it too) lies about not being in a relationship. A few girls I know got new boyfriends when they went to school without telling the old boyfriend and usually the new one as well- that caused some problems (for me as well even though I wasn't even involved).

    I feel bad often that I'm not in a relationship, but there are a good portion of relationships that people I know are in that I wouldn't want to be in anyway because they are such poor relationships. The moral of the story is that people are crazy and really bad at handling emotional baggage.
     
  13. bagelriffic

    bagelriffic Community Member

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    i did this twice in high school, both ended badly. but is was so nice for a change to have girls approach me instead of the other way around. for a quiet awkward teenage boy this was a dream come true. or so i thought anyway lol
     
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