INFJ Friend Is Done With Me?

[Cealie]

Maybe try and look at it from his side. He is an INFJ who has made a decision may debate the wisdom of that decision everyday.

I'll tell you from my viewpoint a similar situation. I stopped seeing a very very good friend several months ago and we have not spoken or seen each other since. For two people that spent much of their day texting each other, going on road trips and shooting the shit it was phenomenal to just ... stop ... contact.

But I made that decision and after several weeks of soul searching have recognised it is the best decision going forward.

Guess what? That decision doesn't mean I don't hurt still EVERY SINGLE day. That I don't think about this person EVERY SINGLE day. If this person contacted me now, after all the pain I have been going through and slowly getting back to living a life without them, then I may well explode as well. Its not because I don't want to see them. Its more (for me anyway) that I have done so much work to reconcile my feelings for my decision and start restructuring my life that I cannot bare to be reminded again after all this time. To go back to that place that was just post breakup. To be reminded of your decision, your possible mistake. Hundreds of things in fact.

So my point after all this is, don't think of that person as different to who you thought they were. Cherish what was, and that people react and think differently when ceasing a relationship with another person.

I would have agreed is he had wanted to hang out with me. But he never wanted to hang out with me. He even told me he only hangs out with very few people. He also the second time I went to his place seemed disgruntled and the next day told me “Don't get used to it because he's moving soon". He moved soon after and never told me where his new apartment was. I guarantee you he does not miss me one bit.

 

[JustPhil]

I would have agreed is he had wanted to hang out with me. But he never wanted to hang out with me. He even told me he only hangs out with very few people. He also the second time I went to his place seemed disgruntled and the next day told me “Don't get used to it because he's moving soon". He moved soon after and never told me where his new apartment was. I guarantee you he does not miss me one bit.

I don't really see why the total shift away then. Maybe he sees more of something in what you have done, what he thinks you have done, to him.

You know in this I read a real spiral downwards of friends that just bounced one bad reaction on top of another until it became all too much for him.

People react very differently to situations and it doesn't mean that he doesn't still like you. He possibly has problems with expressing himself and communicating.

When you have few friends, the ones you do make generally have a profound effect on you.

 

[Cealie]

I don't really see why the total shift away then. Maybe he sees more of something in what you have done, what he thinks you have done, to him.

You know in this I read a real spiral downwards of friends that just bounced one bad reaction on top of another until it became all too much for him.

People react very differently to situations and it doesn't mean that he doesn't still like you. He possibly has problems with expressing himself and communicating.

When you have few friends, the ones you do make generally have a profound effect on you.

I did ask him to tell me what I did wrong in countless ways. He just said nothing has changed while getting more and more dismissive of me. I am not one of his good friends as he basically indirectly told me. Truth be told I don't think he ever really liked me.

I think he was just trying to be nice or polite as is his nature usually. But I don't think he wanted friendship. So the fact that I did got him more and more frustrated. I don't understand why he couldn't have been more upfront earlier, especially when he realised that I was trying really hard to figure out what I was doing wrong. I was always apologising and he was getting increasing dismissive.

He never wanted to be friends and he didn't want to say it. He took the cowardly way out and was hoping I'd figure things out and go away on good terms. The only thing I did wrong and which I apologized for no less than 10 times, was when he was heavily intoxicated and he and I fooled around a little bit. He told me he wants to forget that issue and that I should stop apologising.