INFJ female dating INTJ male | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

INFJ female dating INTJ male

Well, its ironic because we had discussed about breaking up before, it was about him not being sure about commitment, which was brought up in this actual breakup. He had always said he would want me in his life, he asked if we would still be friends if things did not happen to work out right now. I told him maybe eventually that I would need time, but now it seems that he is the one that needs time and I'm the one that is trying to grasp for something. My emotional approach did not work, he told me he knew if he had seen me in person or even called me, he would hesitate on everything and regret everything. Though, the next day when we did talk on the phone, he already said he had regret. When I think of him already having regret, there must be some doubt in his logic, right?

I deleted him off of my steam account, and I tried to delete him from skype, but I just couldn't do it, tried like 3987493874 times to remove him and I couldnt.

The only option I can think of at this point is send him one last email, state things that you said in a logical type manner and see if he responds and let him know that if he does not respond then I don't know. I just don't want this to backfire. I feel that I have to fight because I feel like he's making the biggest mistake he could make.
 
What about commitment worries him?

he told me he knew if he had seen me in person or even called me, he would hesitate on everything and regret everything. Though, the next day when we did talk on the phone, he already said he had regret. When I think of him already having regret, there must be some doubt in his logic, right?
not enough info to make a judgment.

I'm inclined to agree with you, I think he's making a mistake too. We INTJs are not always so keen on the value of love. I say fight. Be careful not to get too emotional about it, but fight. I think it's one you can win. If you choose to and want a second opinion on your email/correspondence, I'll critique it for things that could freak an INTJ out. Post it, pm it, whatever, the offer stands.
 
I'm in the process of writing it right now, I know I will need help with some wording or how to say things, I will send you what I have so far though, I honestly really appreciate it
 
All he kept saying is he didn't want to hurt me.

It is understandable you seem quite conflicted. He is giving mixed signals which makes you question yourself. However, what he said above is quite important: He doesn't want to hurt you.

In my experience, it means that he doesn't think you're the One. I might be wrong here, and certainly I don't know you nor him to make a proper assessment, so please take my analysis with a grain of salt. But when a man tells you "he doesn't want to hurt you" it means he doesn't see himself with you in the long run.

Perhaps he is being selfish by not willing to let you go completely. Perhaps he loves the comfort you provide, but it seems as if from what you say that there is someone else that he is looking for or in love with, and you're not the one. Also this tendency to have long distance relationships only are representative of an inability to commit.
 
He tells me I am the one he can see super long term, the one that he can settle down with. Except he would tell me the kind of relationship he has with me is one he is not ready for. I'm the first woman that made him even think about getting married, there are other reasons why a man can tell a woman he does not want to hurt her. He felt himself changing and with that change he thought the relationship would change and how he treats me, again, I think this has to do with the heartbreak he had from his first relationship.
 
Email was sent, but to no surprise he hasn't responded. Not sure he needs time to think about a response or if he just needs the time period.
 
I hope it works out for you. Best wishes to you both!
 
Thank you, I really hope so too. If he doesn't respond the hardest part is just trying to sit tight and be patient, hoping he'll realize, if he ever realizes, but if the emotions he had were as intense as they said, and our lives as routine as they were, he should eventually come back around though, right?
 
Dohavior - For what you said, I'm glad to hear some negative parts of this kind of relationship, but, I cannot say that would be true for all INTJs. The guy I'm with now has so far not lied to me, if he has done something wrong, he tells me, if he has something to say no matter how forward it might be, he says it. I'm not going to spill his business here as to why he's become how he is, but I do think that the conflict is very real. So far I have not seen any real red flags, at least not in my eyes and yes, he's told me things that you just don't tell to other people for the simple fact that...well, it would scare a lot of people away. I am not trying to be biased, but I've been a good read on people before. On the note of saying its both our 3rd real relationship, I didn't mean it as "3rd times a charm" was just stating our past experience in relationships before, as those are what curve our mindset going forth into a new relationship.

What is a lie to you? For a lie to ever be plausibly believable it must bare some deception of truth.

INTJ is true for that which is INTJ, this is undeniable. I know all about "relevance" that is what you insinuated I did not have, and if you knew enough about it which you did not when you ascribed such to my character you could have stated that word, I just quoted it. I think in negatives and counterfactuals for this is my type INTP, I like to transcribe and verify and it saddens me that you have such an opinion of my methods.

Have you ever heard the term Antihero or Martyr? The authors of MBTI Meyers and Briggs used the research of Carl Jung to form the tests. He describes the function of Introverted Feeling as a self destructive impulse quite similar to martyrdom and false heroism.

"He's become how he is...", yes but what has he done? He rubs his misdeeds in your face and you do nothing. It will escalate I hope you know this. Its all about control, everything. One could think of your relationship as a sandbox or experiment, and he is INTJ the "scientist".

Any past is experience, use everything you have to be all that you can be. Try finding someone or something that you can spill his business to even if its just talking out loud to yourself or a pet. This should remove that curved mindset going forth into a new relationship and provide clarity.

Have you ever heard of posturing or stances? One often hears about such when discussing any of the careers that are recommended to INTJ by the MBTI. When a type is under distress they fall back to their subconscious Anima which is of the opposite type, such in this case would be ESFP also known as the Actor. Now Actors in general don't get angry they posture, its all an act. To an INTJ if one is angry which they never are then they are at fault for they are not like them and vice versa hence the Tall poppy syndrome that might be disturbing you at this point. Its a term often used in UK, Canada, Australia, New Zealand which are culturally well known for their leaning towards Extraverted Feeling.

Often times complexity is mistaken for intelligence. Intelligence is the ability to maximize possibilities. Now if one plans too aggressively they remove the will/possibilities of another, seeing as plans are fixated/static/defined by some sense this will always occur. If one is left with no possibilities and therefor by inflation/deflation/sympathy the other has all the possibilities this is the best strategy to put all the cards in one's hand so to speak and they get to be that "false hero" they wanted to be towards that other person. This is the premise behind Machievellianism a self defeating method that destroys one's net worth in reaping the success of others and is much laughed at by the Dilbert Principle, it has been more modernly redubbed Objectivism. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PL0Xq0FFQZ4

I will pm you more sources if you like so they aren't as viciously assaulted like my thumb count. What beautiful Notoriety my audience has given me. I love you too! (^_^) ,O *thumbs down* /denial Now to plug those usernames into a list and refine my algorithms, for your opinions will always be assimilated and put to use.