INFJ + ENFJ relationship dynamics.

[grt$5vb]

The ones I've known, both male and female and most I've lived with for years, have been very fun, we got very close, but there were so many arguments, so much attempted control, so much manipulation... and they seemed to take as much support as they could from me and when I took a stand they threw me out and or moved on to the next sucker. Extremely materialistic and they just never wanted to be alone. They will seriously nap in the middle of a chaotic room with kids and dogs all around them. W.T.F.

They've each been addicted to their phones and social media to the point of infuriation. I just never felt of much importance to them unless fulfilling a service. I always got an air of... "I wanna talk about someone else, everyone else is busy or I need help, can you get on board with this?" I call them used car salesmen. Except Saru, whom I adore.

However... I am glad you are happy and your ENFJ sounds highly developed. I wish you well.

 

[IrenaShav]

I don't know if this is a thread about all kinds of relationship or just about love relationships?
I'm INFJ and I have an ENFJ friend. The good thing is that we can talk about pretty much everything and understand each other perfectly.
The bad thing is that she is extremely extroverted and literally can't keep her mouth closed for longer than 5 seconds, which can be very draining for me.

 

[Nettl]

This is my first post as a member of this particular forum. I am an INFJ in a 13 year relationship with an ENFJ, and although we have experienced our share of bumps and difficulties, I have to say that this relationship is the most satisfying and definitely the most compatible one I've ever been in. I've never met anyone who understands me as much, nor who shares the same values in the way I do. We stimulate one another intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally. We're talented in the same areas and share the same interests. I see this relationship going until death do us part.

 

[isabellajay]

I'm happy I found this thread. The person I'm in love with is ENFJ and I always wondered if it would work.
We are extremely good friends - we get along very well and share many common interests. Maybe we will
remain friends throughout life, but I can say our friendship has been of great value. He always helps
me see things more clearly and I help him see things from different angles.

 

[Reblis]

I have an ENFJ bestfriend too, and an INFJ-ENFJ relationship is the best! Perfect harmony! I love how we always have the same values and I love his Fe side! It really inspires me. I read somewhere that it is important for INFJs to have bestfriends that are very similar to them. The only thing that bugs me sometimes, and the only reason why we would start fighting, is that I use logic objectively, which he does not respect at all.

In our last argument he asked me if I've led a guy that I just met on, giving him false hope or something. I said I couldn't be sure before I asked him if he liked me that way. To my friend, that was an unacceptable answer, because he meant I was able to read people well enough to know that. So I said it was possible, maybe 70%, but I still had to talk to the guy to be absolutely sure. My friend got so pissed at me! He thought I was refusing to answer his question, maybe because he thought that's what happened and that I was trying to avoid taking responsibility. I asked him "isn't it more important to get actual facts than to just believe whatever my gut is telling me?". He screamed "no". That's the main difference between us, which kinda makes me happy that INFJs are the most "logical"of all the feeling-types

And one thing: although I love harmony, and it's very important to me to have a level of harmony in all my relationships, I don't think I could be romantic with an ENFJ. I've thought about it a lot, but it is just not for me. All the harmony is what makes the relationship great, but I would be missing out on the passion-part. In my last relationship there was a lot of passion, and a lot of drama as well, but it is so worth it! At least right now, when I'm only 20

 

[Mary Shelley]

I have an ENFJ bestfriend too... In our last argument he asked me if I've led a guy that I just met on, giving him false hope or something. I said I couldn't be sure before I asked him if he liked me that way. To my friend, that was an unacceptable answer, because he meant I was able to read people well enough to know that. So I said it was possible, maybe 70%, but I still had to talk to the guy to be absolutely sure. My friend got so pissed at me! He thought I was refusing to answer his question, maybe because he thought that's what happened and that I was trying to avoid taking responsibility. I asked him "isn't it more important to get actual facts than to just believe whatever my gut is telling me?". He screamed "no". That's the main difference between us, which kinda makes me happy that INFJs are the most "logical"of all the feeling-types

Are you sure he's not crushing on you?

 

[Reblis]

Are you sure he's not crushing on you?

Nah, he used to but not anymore. He hasn't always agreed with my choices when it comes to relationships though, because there was a time he felt that I put my romantic relationship before my friends. It probably affected him a bit when he got mad, but he has always been that way. He actually said that I needed to stop "acting like a man", whatever that means He uses his value system to define what is right and wrong, and if my argument is not based on values/feelings it's not as relevant.

 

[5r6jhd]

[MENTION=7673]Reblis[/MENTION] Hmmm your reasons for not wanting to date an ENFJ are interesting! Not that you should date an ENFJ -- but I disagree with you completely.

We're very passionate! We love harmony, but we can also be a bit dramatic and we do get fairly intense in romantic relationships.

Also to everyone who doesn't see the ENFJ as manipulative -- chortle! -- We're very manipulative. You might not think so because people usually see manipulative as a negative or a lying/scheming type deal, and that's not necessarily true. We have a way of reading people and being charming and we can usually very skillfully orchestrate a situation so that people will do what we want or will help us in some way. It happens to me all the time -- I'll just be talking and then suddenly people will start offering to do things for me. We're sometimes not even aware of it. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it' something I try to always be careful about.

 

[Reblis]

[MENTION=7673]Reblis[/MENTION] Hmmm your reasons for not wanting to date an ENFJ are interesting! Not that you should date an ENFJ -- but I disagree with you completely.

We're very passionate! We love harmony, but we can also be a bit dramatic and we do get fairly intense in romantic relationships. .

I'm not saying that it is impossible to achieve, but generally the INFJ-ENFJ relationship strive to obtain a level of harmony, and not fireworks. You know the "I want to do whatever you want to do"-kind. But then again, MBTI is a type indicator, not a personality test, and personality has a lot to do with it.
A relationship with the perfect balance between harmony and passion is the ideal relationship, at least to me, but whether that means 50/50 or 70/30 depends on your personality. It's a difficult topic to discuss, because I've experienced that people have different ideas of what passion is; what level of "fireworks" is considered passionate.