I find myself less bothered by the "how do you feel?"s now than I was when younger. Up until 14ish, that was probably the second worst thing you could ask, next to "do something [vague/unspecified/creative]." I still don't like the second types of situations, but the first bother me a lot less now. I maaaay have had very detail oriented/nitpicky parents, though.
I can say with relatively strong confidence that INTPs are out for the inner person, not physical attraction. Besides knowing a fair few of them, there have been threads where this discussion has popped up on INTP boards, and people were typically "oh... wait... shoot... we do have bodies, don't we?" I know my sight is so glazed over that, when walking around, I don't think I ever once thought "huh... she's especially pretty" until I was about 19. Even now (I'm 21), I could probably count the number of times it's happened on my fingers.
I think you're mostly right that INFJs have the patience, skill, and character to put up with us... but to be honest, ENFPs win that battle. I have known way more ENFPs than I have INFJs, so maybe that's just it, but I've learned sooo much about dealing with people from the ones I've known throughout my life.
For relationship experiences.... unfortunately, I've only had one, and it was mostly online (though we did visit, of course)... so I'm not sure how much help I can be to you there. It lasted about a year, and the girl was a mostly-incredibly-sweet INFP. I loved the fact that she also thought about ideas, rather than events/people, and the different perspectives were also nice. She taught me that it was possible to stop, focus on it, and actually find the locations in your body where various feelings would settle... as well as making some very good moral arguments concerning watching out for animals and things like that. I still stop and dislike swatting flies just because they're annoying (though I sometimes do it by instinct still), and I'm generally a lot better at seeing peoples' feelings as substantive parts of a problem, when they complain about whatever situation (whereas before, I'd give them some short, easy way to fix it, and lose patience/stop talking to them if they didn't take it and couldn't explain why it was a bad one). She also made some of the most gorgeous music I've ever heard. Her other artistic skills were fantastic as well, but I didn't appreciate them as much... it was more just like "oh... cool. That picture would've been hard to make." These were all things that I loved, though.
The things that I hated were that she was absolutely unable to deal with conflict in a reasonable manner at all, and when we would fight she would accuse me of thinking things that I simply wasn't. But after she would try to tell me I was doing something wrong by thinking whatever I did, I would start to do what she accused me of--which would make her accuse me of something worse still.
A concrete example would be like when I plainly disagreed with her on how to deal with people who wanted her to shave her beard (yes, she had some weird hormone thing and grew a beard if she didn't shave it. I delighted in teasing her about it, hehe). A friend asked her to shave it for a party he was having, and she was very "it isn't fair that people should hate me for something I can't control. I did it anyway, but I should have just forced them to deal with it. It's their own fault for having the prejudices that make them uncomfortable in the first place." I told her that, while I agreed people were at moral fault for insisting on something like that, her response for dealing with it was extremely dangerous, based on shared religious beliefs which we had. She tells me she couldn't believe I thought what they were doing was ok, and then proceeds to tell me that while my religious arguments are usually quite strong, that one was incredibly stupid (with no explanation as to why). Then I would start saying childishly-mean things, and she'd tell me I don't respect her as a person. Then a lot of my respect for her would die, and she'd compare me to the other 'cruel' people who wanted to change something inherent about her body. I never did dislike her body, but there was definitely a marked turn in my mind where I wanted to be kind of nasty, after that.
Somewhere around that point I realized what was going on and decided in my mind "enough of you." Half of what makes people who they are is what you tell them they are--there have been many psychology tests done on it--and I wouldn't tolerate the unfair criticism. It happened to work out, because (as I learned during that argument), when she said at the beginning of the relationship "I need support when I'm upset/fighting," what she really meant was "I need absolute agreement from you when I'm upset/fighting." It's not in my nature to lie or hide part of myself from someone (ironic, given the fight XD), and even if I tried to, I wouldn't be able to agree with someone just for the sake of agreement. My true opinion and thoughts would seep through over the course of talking to them... especially with someone as perceptive as she was. And besides that, I don't even think I would be willing to tell someone I thought they were right when I thought they were wrong... so it just wasn't gonna happen. And luckly, she knew she was unwilling to be with someone who didn't support her when she fought with people, so she was equally content to put an end to it. So I put her out of my mind as much as possible and, minus a few isolated times, haven't really looked back.
So I guess that's all I'd say. The more you talk about ideas/timeless/important things, the better your chance of truly connecting with them (though of course beware... because that could either lead to great connection or huge fights). Talking about those ideas in hypotheticals greatly reduces the chance of starting fights, and increases the chance of their respecting how you process things. Don't make enemies out of people who aren't enemies. Really, the less people you hold as enemies, the better (that inferior Fe really does lurk in the background, avoiding conflict with people when we actually sense it). Be careful with your criticism, because you may turn them into the people you tell them they are. I'd also say it's a bad idea to try to hide yourself at all. If you're going to hide some part of yourself, then make sure you hide it honestly ("don't feel comfortable talking about that" or something). Dishonesty or "playing games" to try to find out what they "really" think of you will chase any INTP away faster than almost anything else.
Oh... and also make sure you snuggle often. Snuggles can help create the calm/close atmosphere that can lead to some awesome conversations. Plus, snuggles are win. ^-^
Really appreciate it.
I guess it's especially hard for the INFJ girlfriend since she always needs "validity" in order to feel comfortable.
Superficiality and shallowness are probably the things I detest the most. It literally makes me gag. So of course, it would be the worst insult in the world for someone to "love" me because of this material thing---my body. My attraction to my INTP began in the first place, because he was the only guy in my uni that seemed so awesome. 