I’m dumb for thinking this song is because of me. | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

I’m dumb for thinking this song is because of me.

Honestly, I don't care if he is a teen. His behavior is dangerous and teens can still be harmful. He needs professional help.

OP: No, the girl does not like you. You're behaving like a stalker. Stop it. Leave her alone. Never go near her. Never look at her Spotify or social media. Let it go.
If you are a normal guy who has a big crush, please realize how much you are hurting her and scaring her by behaving this way and how unhealthy it is for you to behave this way. You're behaving like a predator. You need help.
 
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Dylan98 said:
So when I was going though my crush’s Spotify playlist and she had a playlist called pop icon and I saw the song brown eyes by lady Gaga and I thought that song was because of me cause I have brown eyes. But I’m dumb to think that song is because of me.
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So with love songs or any songs about relationships or life you tend to recognise things in the lyrics that are similar to what you are feeling now, that's why they're called love songs. As Jenny said, most people in the world have brown eyes, so yeah it isn't about you, it's coincidence.

You're in love, I get that. But as Hos already shown in his reply with the list, you made a ton of threads that just scream "obsession".

And to be honest, looking at the way you are describing everything in your threads, I think you are just trolling.
If not, get your feelings together mate, staring means nada. Obsessing about her like that will only get an adverse reaction from her.

Asa said:
If you are a normal guy who has a big crush, please realize how much you are hurting her and scaring her by behaving this way and how unhealthy it is for you to behave this way.
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We're being too nice. Having stalkers is not that unusual for women. I have zero tolerance, even if it is a joke. This guy is a creep.


I hope he gets arrested.
 
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Asa said:
We're being too nice. Having stalkers is not that unusual for women. I have zero tolerance, even if it is a joke. This guy is a creep.


I hope he gets arrested.
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That's a bit rough. What has he done to deserve being arrested? Was there something in another thread about him stalking her?

Sounds to me, if he is indeed 21 and has been coming here randomly over the 2 years his profile shows just to ask the same basic question, that he has no friends to set him straight.
I won't disagree that he could use some therapy. I can't think of a single person who couldn't benefit from some, but to me it sounds like a cry of loneliness. A dose of reality and learning from some clear minded folk in his day to day life would help.
 
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MoonFlier said:
That's a bit rough. What has he done to deserve being arrested? Was there something in another thread about him stalking her?

Sounds to me, if he is indeed 21 and has been coming to this forum ever so randomly over the 2 years his profile shows just to ask the same basic question over and over that he has no friends to set him straight.
I won't disagree that he could use some therapy. I can't think of a single person who couldn't benefit from some, but to me it sounds like a cry of loneliness. A dose of reality and learning from some clear minded folk in his day to day life would help.
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It is rough, but not unexpected.

A weak man is the least sympathetic creature in our society and social kryptonite when exposed. I'm trying to think how people would react if it was a girl obsessing over a guy; maybe they'd tell her to approach him or something, I don't know. Murderers are literally more sympathetic.

I wish I was this guy's buddy just to take him aside and say 'mate, what the FUCK are you doing!?', because this sort of vibe can kill any chances he might have of a normal social life. It's a ticket to leper town.
 
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Deleted member 16771 said:
It is rough, but not unexpected.

A weak man is the least sympathetic creature in our society and social kryptonite when exposed. I'm trying to think how people would react if it was a girl obsessing over a guy; maybe they'd tell her to approach him or something, I don't know. Murderers are literally more sympathetic.

I wish I was this guy's buddy just to take him aside and say 'mate, what the FUCK are you doing!?', because this sort of vibe can kill any chances he might have of a normal social life. It's a ticket to leper town.
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Okay, I get it a bit. But by this standard I've had three such men in my life when I was back around this age and a bit older. None of them deserved the harsh attitude Asa is tossing at this guy. Lord knows, if we were to throw every guy who has a crush in jail, or send them to the school therapist we'd need revolving doors on the places.
 
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MoonFlier said:
Okay, I get it a bit. But by this standard I've had three such men in my life when I was back around this age and a bit older. None of them deserved the harsh attitude Asa is tossing at this guy. Lord knows, if we were to throw every guy who has a crush in jail, or send them to the school therapist we'd need revolving doors on the places.
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Oh, I agree with you! Maybe I wasn't clear - I'm not saying that it's a good thing that 'weak men'/creeps are treated like vermin. I think it's pretty bad.
 
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I deleted my comment. I'm not comfortable sharing that much. Moonflier
It's good to know you choose siding with boys who have predatory behavior over the girls and women who suffer, and are afraid, and get hurt, or killed, because this behavior is considered acceptable and people are apologists. We'll simply have to agree that we're different kinds of people and keep out of each other's way.
 
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I admire your position, @Asa, and you've argued it well.* Perhaps this kid needs to hear something as vehement and uncompromising as that to shake him out of it, even though I doubt anything will get through to him.

I disagreed with the implication that his obsession was necessarily a criminal obsession - I know you have good reason to fear the trajectory of this young man's actions, but I do not think we should presume criminal intent at this stage. He's just not a criminal, not even that dubious phrase 'criminal yet'.

Also I don't think women & girls are any more accountable for this kind of behaviour. There are very little consequences for groping a guy in public - and this has happened to me plenty. I've had one 'stalker' who would ring me up crying begging to be with me, &c.. Of course the difference is that I never felt under any kind of physical threat, so the risks are definitely dissimilar.

*I refer to a post that Asa deleted for reasons of privacy.
 
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The OP doesn’t sound healthy (particularly in having repeated the post), but the brevity of the post leaves much to the imagination. Obsession and stalking are two different things, though one can definitely lead to the other.
 
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Unfortunately in this day and age, it’s always best to be cautious. OP’s actions are troublesome regardless of age due to his incessant focus on this girl; it’s just downright obsessive and creepy.

He needs to be called out on his shit otherwise it will most likely escalate and there’s a probability he will get a restraining order in the near future if he doesn’t change quick.
 
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Deleted member 16771 said:
Lookin' at you, middle-aged women in high heels.
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Never had that to me before, just long stares, wonder how you get that charm. (having said that jokingly, that's just bizarre dude and grabbing anything in the personal region...I get your perspective, fuck that. But damn; kinda jealous?!)

JennyDaniella said:
OP’s actions are troublesome regardless of age due to his incessant focus on this girl; it’s just downright obsessive and creepy.
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If anyone would go a step too far too far in that regard to my sister, I'd beat them to a pulp. No remorse.
 
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We don't know what he does that he isn't posting about. He does see her in person and has mentioned she is uncomfortable with his behavior when he sees her in person. I was trying to illustrate that tolerance for a behavior like obsession/potential stalking is opening the door to criminal behavior. He comes here* for reassurance that he can continue on this path. I was also trying to illustrate that being young is not an excuse to get away with being predatory.

Girls are held accountable for being abused, being raped, having unwanted pregnancies, etc: Is she pretty? Did she flirt? What was she wearing? She is "slutty". It was god's intent. While apologists say things like, "Boys will be boys," and, "He's just a kid!" People with real potential to harm are given slaps on the wrist, let off for good behavior, given second chances, etc, and girls and women die because society repeatedly lets boys and men off the hook. There is an attitude that men and boys can behave a certain way – in a predatory way – and that is allowed and women and girls must tolerate it, or that it is romantic, because boys will be boys and a guy who doesn't give up will eventually win the girl. If no harm comes from it, which happens sometimes, everything is OK. The woman is called 'extreme' or 'paranoid' or 'dramatic' for being worried or upset. If harm comes from it the woman is critically hurt (attacked or raped) or even killed. Even if the woman is raped she is the one on trial, not the male.

So, to this boy, I say STOP. You are headed down a path that is very dark. Leave her alone. If you don't leave her alone, I hope you get arrested. I care more about her safety than your age or your feelings.

*Unless he is a troll, then he's just a jerk using the classic dichotomy of male as predator/female as prey scenario for kicks, which is not acceptable, either.
 
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Asa said:
We don't know what he does that he isn't posting about. He does see her in person and has mentioned she is uncomfortable with his behavior when he sees her in person. I was trying to illustrate that tolerance for a behavior like obsession/potential stalking is opening the door to criminal behavior. He comes here* for reassurance that he can continue on this path. I was also trying to illustrate that being young is not an excuse to get away with being predatory.

Girls are held accountable for being abused, being raped, having unwanted pregnancies, etc: Is she pretty? Did she flirt? What was she wearing? She is "slutty". It was god's intent. While apologists say things like, "Boys will be boys," and, "He's just a kid!" People with real potential to harm are given slaps on the wrist, let off for good behavior, given second chances, etc, and girls and women die because society repeatedly lets boys and men off the hook. There is an attitude that men and boys can behave a certain way – in a predatory way – and that is allowed and women and girls must tolerate it, or that it is romantic, because boys will be boys and a guy who doesn't give up will eventually win the girl. If no harm comes from it, which happens sometimes, everything is OK. The woman is called 'extreme' or 'paranoid' or 'dramatic' for being worried or upset. If harm comes from it the woman is critically hurt (attacked or raped) or even killed. Even if the woman is raped she is the one on trial, not the male.

So, to this boy, I say STOP. You are headed down a path that is very dark. Leave her alone. If you don't leave her alone, I hope you get arrested. I care more about her safety than your age or your feelings.

*Unless he is a troll, then he's just a jerk using the classic dichotomy of male as predator/female as prey scenario for kicks, which is not acceptable, either.
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Thank you for saying this, Asa.. I didn’t have the emotional strength. This is all true and really, really needed to be said.
 
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