I believe I am losing touch with reality as most see it.

[Lee Taylor]

Hi Eventhorizon,

you sound sad, depression? I too have felt similar at different times.

I embrace the change as I see it as needed, but I am also worried that most may not be able to assimilate the data rate.

We don't need to assimilate all the data. Relax.

I could be happy the rest of my life I think. Finding true love, a nice cottage on some forgotten Oregon coast line. Let the cares of the world work themselves out absent my care. Or, I guess I just wait until after I die from pain and suffering alone. Choices choices. All the while my screaming at people to stop dancing on the cliff.

I think you need to smile. I've been looking for true love for a while and not found anything - and it's sad, but also I recognise that love is painful and cruel at times - I know someone who had an abortion at a young age - and that's a reason to perhaps avoid relationships too early in life. I have hope and I realise that perhaps I need to be the giver rather than the taker for it to work.

I have scientific data to strongly suggest nothing matters. Yeah, I am a bit thin these days.

Do you want to talk about it?

My opinion is, whatever the true nature of reality is, if we are kind to each other, things will be ok.

 

[Lee Taylor]

Screw it, I'm going to go one step further and say, you're too deep on this.

I can just about pass an INTJ as well so...

as an INTJ type I'd say you need to get out there and make it so.

I've looked inwards many times in my life and that's good in moderation, but you also need to accept that you need other people.

Recently for example, I left my job to try self-employment. I was making decent money and had a good career meeting and helping lots of people - I was even somewhat of a party-goer (eek). Months later and I'm all like: 'did I do the right thing' and there are two mood swings I alternate between.

1) Lonely, guilty, sad, get another job and be done with it...awwwwww

2) Sort of feeling ultra confident, clever and like this is the right thing.

The way I find I get through is with trying to: 'make every day count' for something, so I prove my progress to myself as well as others. When you're that deep, you need to recognise the value of actions. Take action every day to gradually improve yourself and help people as much as you can.

I always get better results when I'm helping people than when I'm just taking. Go meet people and share your gifts with them.

 

[Gul Dukat]

I'm pretty sure that reality is much too big and complicated for anyone to actually be in touch with it in the first place. Some people can confidently assert that they understand and other people will believe them, but they don't actually know anything and they're probably just really good at hiding it both from you and from themselves.

 

[Eventhorizon]

Hi Eventhorizon,

you sound sad, depression? I too have felt similar at different times.



We don't need to assimilate all the data. Relax.



I think you need to smile. I've been looking for true love for a while and not found anything - and it's sad, but also I recognise that love is painful and cruel at times - I know someone who had an abortion at a young age - and that's a reason to perhaps avoid relationships too early in life. I have hope and I realise that perhaps I need to be the giver rather than the taker for it to work.



Do you want to talk about it?

My opinion is, whatever the true nature of reality is, if we are kind to each other, things will be ok.

Sad an depressed... Not sure about that but maybe. I can think back to about 5 years ago, I wasnt happy, wasnt sad, I could get happy and sad. I was fine though day to day...neutral is probably the best word. These days are harder to explain. I do not think I am depressed but it may be I am feeling lonely to a point it bothers me. Everything else I do in life, put my mind towards I either excel at or do very well. I cannot figure out the combination to what I see many other people have, love, family etc... Heres another problem though, while I am so sure this is what it is going to take to sustain me (love, a family) I have put walls in my own way. I am sick, being sick by itself has its own problems with "willing" yourself to move. But it has a deeper problem in that I will not infect someone elses life with my own.

Is there a solution? I doubt it but I have not given up. I simply recognize its hard enough to lives ones life perfectly healthy, seemingly more difficult unhealthy. Self pity? I dont think so, as I said I think profound loneliness is accurate though. No one can help with that but me. I really enjoy this forum though because it makes me feel less alone.

Scientific data - Do I want to talk about it? Ill talk about it in philosophical context and discussion, from the aspect of it bothering me? It doesnt really bother me, I just accept it though still question it.

Kindness is huge. REAL kindness I am drawn to like a moth to flame.

 

[Eventhorizon]

Screw it, I'm going to go one step further and say, you're too deep on this.

I can just about pass an INTJ as well so...

as an INTJ type I'd say you need to get out there and make it so.

I've looked inwards many times in my life and that's good in moderation, but you also need to accept that you need other people.

Recently for example, I left my job to try self-employment. I was making decent money and had a good career meeting and helping lots of people - I was even somewhat of a party-goer (eek). Months later and I'm all like: 'did I do the right thing' and there are two mood swings I alternate between.

1) Lonely, guilty, sad, get another job and be done with it...awwwwww

2) Sort of feeling ultra confident, clever and like this is the right thing.

The way I find I get through is with trying to: 'make every day count' for something, so I prove my progress to myself as well as others. When you're that deep, you need to recognise the value of actions. Take action every day to gradually improve yourself and help people as much as you can.

I always get better results when I'm helping people than when I'm just taking. Go meet people and share your gifts with them.

All good points. This is the way I try to live but I find I have to remind myself to do so a great deal.

 

[Skarekrow]

Sad an depressed... Not sure about that but maybe. I can think back to about 5 years ago, I wasnt happy, wasnt sad, I could get happy and sad. I was fine though day to day...neutral is probably the best word. These days are harder to explain. I do not think I am depressed but it may be I am feeling lonely to a point it bothers me. Everything else I do in life, put my mind towards I either excel at or do very well. I cannot figure out the combination to what I see many other people have, love, family etc... Heres another problem though, while I am so sure this is what it is going to take to sustain me (love, a family) I have put walls in my own way. I am sick, being sick by itself has its own problems with "willing" yourself to move. But it has a deeper problem in that I will not infect someone elses life with my own.

Is there a solution? I doubt it but I have not given up. I simply recognize its hard enough to lives ones life perfectly healthy, seemingly more difficult unhealthy. Self pity? I dont think so, as I said I think profound loneliness is accurate though. No one can help with that but me. I really enjoy this forum though because it makes me feel less alone.

Scientific data - Do I want to talk about it? Ill talk about it in philosophical context and discussion, from the aspect of it bothering me? It doesnt really bother me, I just accept it though still question it.

Kindness is huge. REAL kindness I am drawn to like a moth to flame.

Can I say that I understand? Is that too pretentious? lololol I have Ankylosing Spondylitis...basically Rheumatoid arthritis in my spine...in fact I have been home from work almost two months now...unable to do much on my own...it's starting to feel a bit better with some drastic pain med manipulation/cessation (did you know giant amounts of pain meds will cause you MORE pain?...lololol). Anyhow, of course we all have had our own battles to fight and I am not diminishing yours, please don't think so. I do understand your point of "willing yourself to move", recently it has taken me 3-4 minutes to get out of a chair much more for the rest of the normal daily activities. You have to take down the walls my friend...if you do not then you will most likely be alone to put it bluntly. I know how that can feel to a INFx, to be vulnerable, open to be hurt in numerous ways. It is not only your choice to make to be alone...you should remember that...you have made that choice for the other as well. It is their choice to love you, not yours, you can only give your own love in return. "Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup." (Kahlil Gibran) Does any of that make sense?
You could find the love of your life, why would you let the possibility of being hurt by someone get in the way?

 

[Eventhorizon]

Can I say that I understand? Is that too pretentious? lololol I have Ankylosing Spondylitis...basically Rheumatoid arthritis in my spine...in fact I have been home from work almost two months now...unable to do much on my own...it's starting to feel a bit better with some drastic pain med manipulation/cessation (did you know giant amounts of pain meds will cause you MORE pain?...lololol). Anyhow, of course we all have had our own battles to fight and I am not diminishing yours, please don't think so. I do understand your point of "willing yourself to move", recently it has taken me 3-4 minutes to get out of a chair much more for the rest of the normal daily activities. You have to take down the walls my friend...if you do not then you will most likely be alone to put it bluntly. I know how that can feel to a INFx, to be vulnerable, open to be hurt in numerous ways. It is not only your choice to make to be alone...you should remember that...you have made that choice for the other as well. It is their choice to love you, not yours, you can only give your own love in return. "Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup." (Kahlil Gibran) Does any of that make sense?
You could find the love of your life, why would you let the possibility of being hurt by someone get in the way?

Regarding your illness - I do not know how to feel about it and heres why. On the news, they can show a single house burning down. One house in a billion others on the planet. First, why does the news show this? Slow news day and they are ever after sensationalism. I used to feel badly about these events, now I dont. One house in a billion. 39 people shot to death? If the news didnt tell me about it, I would never know. These are people I dont know, never will. I feel nothing concerning these events. Tornados, nope. Tsunami that killed 225k? Interesting but no feeling toward it. On the other hand humanity as a whole? Yes, I care deeply about this and have no idea why.

Also keep this in mind because it is something I have learned. There is not a single other person on this planet who knows what you are going through except perhaps someone with the same aliment. I could sit here and blow smoke, tell you how sorry I am for you etc... but the truth is I will never understand what you have to go through and are going through.

I remember when my mother was dying from cancer. How useless I felt, how insignificant and how much of a loser I was because I couldnt figure out how to cure her. Even after she passed away I felt like a loser because I didnt take up the cause to figure out how to cure cancer to show her that she had meant something to me in life. I got over that, forgave myself etc but it took a while.

So back to your illness. If there were something I could do to cure you, something within my power, I would. As it is I can only make suggestions. I suggest you go 100% gluten free for a couple of weeks at least and see what happens. I suggest this because I know what it did for me. The doctor told me I had arthritis because of the symptoms I described. It is all but gone now thanks to my diet. Maybe it wont help but what if it does?

Many people here have made statements after which they ask, "Does this make sense?" I have not found a statement here that doesnt make sense yet with exception to a few possibly concern deathjams avatar.. I am quite adept at understanding concept regardless of context if it even comes to that.


I bet this seems harsh, detached and its not meant that way. Its just that I find no value in saying I understand when I know I really dont. Do I care about peoples suffering? Of course. But if theres nothing I can do about it, saying I "Wish" it werent so is like, "Like" on Facebook or even here for that matter. Its empty and because of this, in some respects in my mind, slightly offensive.

 

[Skarekrow]

Regarding your illness - I do not know how to feel about it and heres why. On the news, they can show a single house burning down. One house in a billion others on the planet. First, why does the news show this? Slow news day and they are ever after sensationalism. I used to feel badly about these events, now I dont. One house in a billion. 39 people shot to death? If the news didnt tell me about it, I would never know. These are people I dont know, never will. I feel nothing concerning these events. Tornados, nope. Tsunami that killed 225k? Interesting but no feeling toward it. On the other hand humanity as a whole? Yes, I care deeply about this and have no idea why.

Also keep this in mind because it is something I have learned. There is not a single other person on this planet who knows what you are going through except perhaps someone with the same aliment. I could sit here and blow smoke, tell you how sorry I am for you etc... but the truth is I will never understand what you have to go through and are going through.

I remember when my mother was dying from cancer. How useless I felt, how insignificant and how much of a loser I was because I couldnt figure out how to cure her. Even after she passed away I felt like a loser because I didnt take up the cause to figure out how to cure cancer to show her that she had meant something to me in life. I got over that, forgave myself etc but it took a while.

So back to your illness. If there were something I could do to cure you, something within my power, I would. As it is I can only make suggestions. I suggest you go 100% gluten free for a couple of weeks at least and see what happens. I suggest this because I know what it did for me. The doctor told me I had arthritis because of the symptoms I described. It is all but gone now thanks to my diet. Maybe it wont help but what if it does?

Many people here have made statements after which they ask, "Does this make sense?" I have not found a statement here that doesnt make sense yet with exception to a few possibly concern deathjams avatar.. I am quite adept at understanding concept regardless of context if it even comes to that.


I bet this seems harsh, detached and its not meant that way. Its just that I find no value in saying I understand when I know I really dont. Do I care about peoples suffering? Of course. But if theres nothing I can do about it, saying I "Wish" it werent so is like, "Like" on Facebook or even here for that matter. Its empty and because of this, in some respects in my mind, slightly offensive.

It doesn't seem harsh, it is only the difference in the way your mind and my own work. Whereas you say you do not care about individual events, they affect me.
All I am offering you is my own empathy, of course I could never possibly understand the situations and personal/emotional struggle/strife that you have witness and/or fought through. I CAN understand the pain...this I have always been very good at. And I can tell you that it is helpful to connect with someone who has fought their own battle (though different than our own) and bounce ideas off of them. I'm not offended and do not feel your statement is "harsh" and hope you understand the offense if you feel any was not intended...I am only reaching out in the only way I know how. My only intent is to give a helping hand.
I am truly sorry about your Mother...I remember when my Father finally let go...my body just shut down, I got an instant migraine and could not move. And I was angry too, could more have been done? Did we fight hard enough? I had to come to terms that it was just his time...he did, so I had to as well.
I swear I will try your diet...I have been looking at all aspects of my illness and ways to combat it...the Doctors only frustrate me, order expensive tests then offer me NOTHING.
When I say "I understand" I know I don't understand who you are and what you have gone through, but the pain, the loss, the anger...I can empathize with and no one can tell me otherwise.
I hope you understand I only offer you friendship and am not talking down to you.

 

[Eventhorizon]

I hope you understand I only offer you friendship and am not talking down to you.

Talking down? No. If I thought that trust me you would know. Friendship? It either happens or it doesnt. Most of the time I dont look for it maybe because I feel I dont need it. though recently I have been looking for it from women. Sexual desire for women is easy, friendship is apparently so much more difficult.

There, I opened up a bit. Maybe envisioned a bit like a foot hold. Something I offer because I relate to much of what you have said in your posts.

 

[Skarekrow]

Talking down? No. If I thought that trust me you would know. Friendship? It either happens or it doesnt. Most of the time I dont look for it maybe because I feel I dont need it. though recently I have been looking for it from women. Sexual desire for women is easy, friendship is apparently so much more difficult.

There, I opened up a bit. Maybe envisioned a bit like a foot hold. Something I offer because I relate to much of what you have said in your posts.

I don't look for it either...mostly because it is draining to me being around certain people...in fact when I moved up north 5 years ago, I cut all ties with everyone I would consider a friend. I have certain people at work that I must have a working relationship with but it ends at work...I don't not go "have a few drinks" with anyone, nor do I ever attend any work function at all. I have ZERO friends up here and I like it like that....my life is much less complicated. Saying that, I hope you can trust that my friendship is offered and has no price connected.

 

[Eventhorizon]

I don't look for it either...mostly because it is draining to me being around certain people...in fact when I moved up north 5 years ago, I cut all ties with everyone I would consider a friend. I have certain people at work that I must have a working relationship with but it ends at work...I don't not go "have a few drinks" with anyone, nor do I ever attend any work function at all. I have ZERO friends up here and I like it like that....my life is much less complicated. Saying that, I hope you can trust that my friendship is offered and has no price connected.

This will be considered harsh probably. So you cut all ties with everyone you considered a friend and yet you offer me friendship? Personally, I have not offered anyone here friendship and I like you, have "dropped" perceived friendships instantly for various reasons. In my way of thinking, people either end up being friends or they dont. You do not "create" a friendship that lasts because you want one.

I relate to much of what you have said in your posts. In this, we may continue to discuss similarities which in turn may lead to friendship or may not. With me, no one should take the lack of a developed friendship personally. It is simply the way I am. These forums offer me a detachment that is...desired...needed? In other words, I currently see no price for it.

Friendship happens or it doesn't.

 

[Skarekrow]

This will be considered harsh probably. So you cut all ties with everyone you considered a friend and yet you offer me friendship? Personally, I have not offered anyone here friendship and I like you, have "dropped" perceived friendships instantly for various reasons. In my way of thinking, people either end up being friends or they dont. You do not "create" a friendship that lasts because you want one.

I relate to much of what you have said in your posts. In this, we may continue to discuss similarities which in turn may lead to friendship or may not. With me, no one should take the lack of a developed friendship personally. It is simply the way I am. These forums offer me a detachment that is...desired...needed? In other words, I currently see no price for it.

Friendship happens or it doesn't.

Agreed...
Currently, I do have one person I consider my friend, my best friend, she is the reason that I have not been here in over a year...we now live together for over a year. I consider her the one true friend I have ever had in my life...the reason I am on here now is because I have the time from work not that our friendship has diminished.
She and I met on here...we think exactly the same and it was/is such a wonderful breath of fresh air.
I can only tell you that speaking to another INFx person has done wonders for my own head/sanity.
That is all I am trying to offer you.
It will be or it will not...your post is not harsh.