How parent-type influences who we are | INFJ Forum

How parent-type influences who we are

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Kwistalline, Jun 11, 2008.

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  1. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    Satya or Elizabeth ought to know this one, but are there studies about how the MBTI of parents may or may not influence their childs MBTI?

    For example, take me, the INFJ: http://www.cognitiveprocesses.com/infj.html
    Father: ISTP
    Mother: ESFP

    The first thing I think of is, I must have become a J out of a reaction to their P's (My J older sis and I were the only clean ones!!).
    Second thing I think of is, my mother is an excessively strong E, so much so that any desire for me to become an E was squelched by how exhausting it was simply to exist with her. I told inkling once that I must have come out of the womb, took one look at her, and said, "aw man, send me back! I'm tired already!!". Her E alone has aged me years!! Hence my development into all of her cognitive shadow processes.

    http://www.cognitiveprocesses.com/esfp.html

    My fathers influence was very strong. He's the nurturer, gave us lots of autonomy. I was drawn towards his quiet expression of love, hence my development of all of his cognitive primary processes. They merely express differently in dominance.

    http://www.cognitiveprocesses.com/istp.html

    Thoughts? Who are your parents, or which type do you think they are? My whole family has been typed since my father is intrigued by this idea. It has furthered his understanding of himself and how his daughters are so similar and yet so different from him.
     
  2. OP
    Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    Inkling and I are discussing the various influences into development and birth order.

    Some observations we've seen:

    Firstborns: Our older sister is and FJ. My BFF is an FJ's, as well as inkling's b/f. I am a functional firstborn (seven years between me and the firstborn) since the secondborn and I switched positionally (Two years difference and I am more dominant-she is also most likely and FP). I've noticed a lot of the INFJ's here are also firstborns.

    My youngest sister, my BFF's hubby, and my mother are all the youngest in their families, but have 5+ years difference between them and the predeeding child, making them all functional only children. They are also all FP's.
     
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    Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    website on birth order: http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/hstein/birthord.htm
     
  4. Motor Jax

    Motor Jax randomness included
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    that is all interesting stuff... all of my family (mom side) are "IN" types... my dad is an "IS" type, though i haven't ever met his side of the family so i don't know about the rest...

    ... i have a cousin (daughter of my uncle who is INTP type) in Florida that is also an INFJ...

    i am the oldest then my brother, who is more ISTP type (which is probably linked to dad since my bro is an exact replica)...

    i am also the oldest grandson in the family, second oldest grandchild (9 days younger than the oldest cousin, she's an INFJ type)


    but growing up, mom always nurtured me in my INFJ-ness, exppounding on it and letting me grow into the person i am today

    but, i was thinking about this, that living alone and being who i am, does that enhance the predominance of the INFJ preference?
     
  5. Elizabeth

    Elizabeth Regular Poster

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    Someone is doing an informal but long-running poll on the Facebook INFJ group. Out of 125 responders, 58% were firstborn or only children, 25% were youngest children, and 17% were somewhere in the middle.

    I have no idea how much, if at all, this differs from the numbers in the general population, but there it is.

    I'm a firstborn. My mother is ESFJ and my father and younger brother are both ISTPs. The only other intuitives in my extended family are my mother's first cousin, a psychologist (I think she's INFJ too) and my second cousin/godfather, who I think might have been INTP, though it's hard to tell because he was mentally ill for many years. He committed suicide two years ago.

    Otherwise, my mother's family leans heavily toward ES__ types. My grandmother was the ESFJ, an extreme, not-so-healthy example of the type, and my grandfather is ISTJ. It was not a happy marriage. My mother is a middle child. Her older sister is ESTJ and her younger brother, ESFP. Their kids are an ESTP, an ESFP, and the one introvert in the bunch, an ISFP. My father has no siblings, and his family is in India and Canada so I haven't seen them very often, but I get the sense that there are more introverts on that side of my family.

    For the first fifteen-or-so years of my life, my grandmother and mother teamed up on a mission to turn me into them. It didn't work, though I suspect I'm more adept at using Extraverted Feeling than I otherwise would have been because of it.
     
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  6. CokeNut

    CokeNut Community Member

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    I have not idea what my parents are with regards to type. Maybe if I tell you guys about them you can help.

    My mom is definately an E, not doubt about that. Now lets try to fill in the other 3 ... she can be very generous, but always expects something in return (a simple thank you or something tangible depending on what she gave you). She can be manipulative and I think she actually sits up at night to figure new and improved ways to give those around her a guilt trip. She is very naive, not stupid, just naive. She is a magnificent cook, and she does not follow recipies, she just goes at it and yummy stuff appears! Not sure what else, let me know and I'll answer questions.

    My dad is also an E, no doubt about that either. Now lets try to fill in the other 3 ... He can be very generous and expects absolutely NOTHING in return (he does appreciate a thank you once in a while), in fact he feels its his obligation to assist those less fortunate. He is very outgoing and likes pretty things. He doesn't hug much or say I love you (I'm 36 and still waiting! I know he loves me, but he wont say it :cry: ) He is very smart and loves to learn new things. He is hand on and can do anything around the house and on a computer. Not sure what else, let me know and I'll answer questions.

    From the little bit I know about types I think my mom may be ENFP and my dad may be ESTJ.

    What do you guys think? Sriv? You like figuring things out ... Help! please :D
     
  7. Elizabeth

    Elizabeth Regular Poster

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    I see signs of Extraverted Feeling here. People who prefer Extraverted Feeling tend to expect reciprocity when they do something nice for you. For example, I hate it when I hold a door open for someone, only to have that someone pass right through without managing to mutter a simple "Thank you."


    Your dad is a bit of a harder call, but based on your descriptions, I'll guess that your mom is E_FJ and your dad is some kind of E__P. Edited: No, I've changed my mind. Could be E_TJ too.
     
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  8. Motor Jax

    Motor Jax randomness included
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    talking to Coke's dad, he seems to lean more towards the "T" type

    i agree, her mom is an "FJ" type
     
  9. sriv

    sriv Community Member

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    My parents had strong influence on me as a child. Still do.

    Mom - ESTJ
    Dad - ISTP

    Pretty much, I took the traits from them that I felt most comfortable with. My mom's J served her well (she was always yelling at my dad to finish things). My dad's thinking was always common sense oriented and step-by-step which gave me a very strong thinking faculty.
    I used to be somewhat extraverted, but after joining school and having a horrible time dealing with the blur that was external reality, I turned inwards. My parents used to encourage me to get friends, but they are strict about leaving the house so I don't get much hanging out time anyway.
    I think I was predisposed to be N, but my parents tempered S into me. I always adapt to new problems and my parents put up this problem: if I listen to them and do what they say, they will like me; if I backsass, show attitude, or say "What?", they will get ticked. So I started doing whatever they told me to do. My Si is not bad at all regarding certain events, but most of my past is a blur of experiences. What's important to retain are the lessons learned so I don't get too worried if I don't know specific details.

    IMO Nature - 30%, Nurture - 70%.

    Can personality be Nature? Anyone have any studies about it?

    @ Cokenut --- I agree with Elizabeth. Got any more details?
     
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  10. CokeNut

    CokeNut Community Member

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    Based on the info from the personality page ...

    We are Sensing when we:
    Taste food
    Notice a stoplight has changed
    Memorize a speech
    Follow steps in a plan

    We are Intuitive when we:
    Come up with a new way of doing things
    Think about future implications for a current action
    Perceive underlying meaning in what people say or do
    See the big picture


    I guess I will go with my mom being S, and my dad being N. So now that I can figure that Mom is ESFJ and Dad is ENTJ i wonder where my P came from?, lol! All lettering aside I can tell you that i get my emotions and hot temper from my mom, but fortunately I managed to get common sense from my dad.

    Thanks guys!
     
  11. Silently Honest

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    My mom was ESTJ, sent me to private schools for half of my life. That along with her always working, I was basically always alone.
     
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  12. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    My mother is an extreme E, very social and competitive and also mentally ill which was hidden from all but the family. My father is INF?. I would say my INFJ personality came about as a direct reaction to their combined personalities.
     
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  13. CokeNut

    CokeNut Community Member

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    My son tested as INTP, but bordeline ENTP. He read up on both types and says he actully feels that ENTP may be closer to the truth, but he's going with xNTP for now.

    He has always been introverted, but it was just me and him for so long that I think he trained himself to be E and now its part of him.
     
  14. Eric86

    Eric86 Community Member

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    I would say that whatever types my parents are, it didn't have any effect on me because aside from providing for me physically and [my mom] helping me with my education (mostly when I was really little, though), they didn't have much of anything to do with me, especially because they got divorced when I was 5 and I've only seen my dad a few times since then. I've never had any sort of role model in my life, or anyone that even wanted to really be a part of it (not even my mom).
     
  15. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    :( ((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))) I cry for you inside...My parents werent very interested in me either...but not even close to the same situation....

    As a parent I am probably too attentive and have developed a very clingy child :oops:
     
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  16. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    My dad is ISTJ I think, he is pretty awesome I never had a lot to do with him untill I developed common interests as a teen. What does bother me about him is that he is overly concerned with "the bottom line" and being "productive". He can be really goofy at times too but that is hilarious.

    My Mum is an ISFJ I think, she was very overprotective of us kids. Since she retired she has become a hermit, absorbed in cheesy romance novels. Occasionally she will organise and completely go overboard on huge banquets, she then spends the whole time complaining about having to organise and carry out said banquet.

    My brothers are (at a guess):

    Oldest ENFP
    Second ISTJ
    Me INFJ
    Last (I or E)STP
     
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  17. Shaz

    Shaz Community Member

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    MBTI:
    iNfj
    mom : ESFJ
    dad : ISFJ

    oldest bro : INFJ
    bro : ENTJ
    sis : INFP
    autistic bro
    me : INFJ

    Oldest and youngest are INFJs... S parents, N children... odd.

    As far as my parent's influence, I think they've always accepted me as I was, apart from trying to develop my Si more (my dad is a medieval history teacher, and you can tell when you see him). Both my parents are strong SJs. Because I'm the fifth though, and because they didn't have much time to take care of me because of my brother, they didn't try too hard to "shape" me (and when they did it didn't work). Mh. They probably encouraged me to develop my F more than my T (they're also catholics, I went to church every sunday until I told them I didn't want to anymore when I was 14 - that was hard for them).

    To be honest I think my brother had much more of an influence on who I am than my parents. Much more. We all developped around him, especially my sister and I.
     
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  18. frozen_water

    frozen_water Community Member

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    MBTI:
    INTP
    Mom: ISTJ
    Dad: ENTJ
    Older brother: ENFP
    Me: INTP

    my parents have basically grated against us constantly from the moment we left for (elementary) school. They seemed to equate J characteristics with thinking, so they thought we were both being stupid and immature kids by leaving things til the last minute, not planning ahead, and not trying to be organized, etc. My mom also did most of the raising us... and she wouldn't budge for intuitive reasoning in the slightest. They tried to get my brother to use reason and analyze things, but (true to the ENFP profile) he made much, much better decisions when he went with instinct and didn't think at all. The thinking actually made his decisions worse. They basically tried their absolute hardest, as you'd expect, filling their room with "how to raise kids" books and following experts' advice... but that just resulted in excessive rules for my brother (even into his early teens, when he finally freaked out on them) and trying to turn me into an extrovert who cares what other people think of him.

    I can't say they didn't give it their all... but blegh, we turned out very, very differently.
     
  19. OP
    Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    That was actually my first thought when I realized you were the youngest! I was thinking "something kept her from being more laid back and casual . . musta been the brother". I "switched" positions with a sister b/c of . . . well. a teeny bit similar.

    It makes sense!
     
  20. Shaz

    Shaz Community Member

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    I'd never thought about as far as types go, but it does make sense! From the moment I was born I felt like I had to be reponsible and take care of myself without the help of my parents... Maybe that's part of my J.
    This said, my INFP sister was born a few years before him and she's still the one who suffered the most from it, partly because of her type I'd say. I think I was probably already more J to begin with, otherwise I wouldn't have coped with it as well... But it certainly made me more independant, responsible and strong willed (wow you're making me see the good sides of it :eek:)

    It made me more introverted though I think, I was so insecure because of the lack of attention that I ended up with a very low self confidence, not daring to assert myself enough. I was a very quiet child - except when I would get into fits of anger and fight with my mom. When I reached 10 I got more extroverted (I think I mentally detached myself from the family) and stopped being as angry.

    Do you have a handicaped (or something) person in your family too?
     
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