How often should you say "i love you"? | INFJ Forum

How often should you say "i love you"?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Apr 28, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    Do you need someone to say "i love you" often to feel or believe they do? Does the need to hear it change throughout the life of the relationship? Are you more likely to say it more or less in the early or later stages of the relationship?

    Do you need to hear it said at all? Or does action speak louder than words?

    In other words, how often should you say "i love you"?
     
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    #1 Gaze, Apr 28, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2010
  2. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    Do you need someone to say "i love you" often to feel or believe they do? Sometimes...

    Does the need to hear it change throughout the life of the relationship? I suppose it gets more less frequent, but you still need to hear it every so often...
    Are you more likely to say more or less in the early or later stages of the relationship? early stages is always more...

    Do you need to hear it said at all?
    oh no...I need to hear it...its often a quarrel between my husband and I
    Or does action speak louder than words? yes and no... Yes because you can see in the actions that a person cares for you, but no because sometimes you really just NEED to hear it.

    In other words, how often should you say "i love you"? IMHO as often as you feel it...or think it...
     
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  3. Siamese cat

    Siamese cat Madame Cat strikes again

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    Fairly often. I do say it only if I mean it, and if I mean that a lot than I'll probably be saying it a lot.

    When it comes to hearing it, I don't expect immediate response, sometimes I don't expect any response at all, and sometimes I think that good response would be action rather than word repeated. I recognize that people have different emotional needs, and that they can be different than mine, so if I sense that the other needs to hear it and I do feel that I love them, I'll say it more often than I otherwise would.

    I'm not unsure of myself and of the relationship that I'm in, so I don't measure that kind of thing really.
     
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  4. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    Every time it wells up and you feel like saying it says I
     
  5. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    I am glad that you asked.
    The correct answer to how often you should say I love you is as follows:

    Every consecutive eight minutes and twenty nine seconds if not intercepted by other conversations, work, lack of availability of visibility (driving) applying for Monday through Sunday except for on Tuesdays when attending a barbecue, which in that case, the frequency would be reduced to every thirteen minutes and fifty seven seconds on a four hour cycle.
     
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  6. OP
    Gaze

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    Hmm . . . see, I'm not sure everyone would agree that it should always be said whenever it's felt. Saying it too often could make someone question whether you're being sincere. And if it's not followed by a show of respect or understanding in the relationship, then it just becomes words said to appease someone who doesn't feel that their partner's actions reflect love.
     
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    #6 Gaze, Apr 28, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2010
  7. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    I like hearing it and saying.

    I live lovingly anyway in thought, word and deed. It's something i believe to be important in my close family relationships.

    I tell my children and my boyfriend that I love them, every day.

    I'm just a sappy Italian mamma though :mhula:
     
  8. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I need to hear it said every once in a while once it's already been said the first time. I rarely say it first though, not even when I'm getting off the phone or leaving.. so what does that mean? Probably that I'm selfish and emotionally stingy.

    Though there are some instances where I can't help but say it, when the feeling of it is just overpowering and the only reasonable thing to do is fall all over myself and say "I love you." Those are the only times I initiative an "I love you."


    I say it non-stop to my friends. It's easier to tell my friends I love them. I tell my mom I love her everytime I talk to her.

    I don't really think there is a standard on how often one should say I love you. Say it as often as you feel it and mean it.
     
    #8 acd, Apr 28, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2010
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  9. WellNoWonder

    WellNoWonder Peace Through Action

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    This. I'm BIG on actions. I can ignore "I love you" if a person is acting contrary to the words....
     
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  10. OP
    Gaze

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    Agree
     
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    #10 Gaze, Apr 28, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2010
  11. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    You say it only when you mean it. Not when its forced or told to say it or anytime else.

    I hate having people try to push me into saying when I don't say it. when I say I mean it and I do it not because I have to but because I feel it.
     
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  12. Quinlan

    Quinlan Right the First Time!

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    As often as you feel it.
     
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  13. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    It's relative, and means different things at different times and with different people, but I always mean it when i say it. It would help if there were more words in active english usage for love, that separated out some of the unique meanings and love relationships. It would resolve some of the confusion, and allow me to say it, genuinely to more people.
     
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  14. OP
    Gaze

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    True.
     
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    #14 Gaze, Apr 29, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2010
  15. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    100% agree.
     
  16. Sloe Djinn

    Sloe Djinn Idiot with Internet Access.

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    Just make a customized t-shirt with "I love you" printed on it or tattoo it on your forehead. Then, make that your sig on all forums you attend. Done.
     
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  17. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!! :mhula: :m200:
     
  18. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
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    When my boyfriend and I were getting to know each other we had a system of meters. We would say things such as "friendship is here and we're here." After we got passed that we had to climb a wall from friendship to love. It was pretty cute even if it sounds ridiculous. It was as if neither one of us wanted to admit we loved the other person because we invested a lot into the word. I'm not the type of person to tell random friends that I love them. They have to be special.

    I've noticed that people tend to say "I love you" a lot during the early stages of a relationship. Depending on the couple, I almost believe they are trying to convince themselves that they're right for each other. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing. When you first start dating you have to try things in order to push the relationship further. Seeing how those words feel in your mouth is one of the ways people do that.

    I don't need to hear "I love you" very often. I need a lot of personal space to recharge after interacting with people. If someone is continuously pestering me, even if it is to tell me they love me, I can get extremely withdrawn or irritable. So, in actuality, if someone tells me they love me too much I end up liking them less.

    It's important to not get stuck in rituals as your relationship grows. I'm talking about the set times people say "I love you." It's good to have them but I think it's important to not have those be the only times you say it. Bring the person flowers as a surprise on a Wednesday with a love note attached.


    /end ramble
     
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    #18 That Girl, Apr 29, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2010
  19. NeverAmI

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  20. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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