How do children change you? | INFJ Forum

How do children change you?

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by TinyBubbles, May 4, 2010.

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  1. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    so one of the things that differentiates us here on the forums is that some of us are parents, and others aren't. being one of those that aren't, i'm curious as to how children would affect your sense of self, and your everyday life? have you matured as a result of being a parent? have any parts of your attitude undergone radical development?



    related q: would anyone here adopt a kid? why or why not? what about a CLONE? a little you, it would be 100% your DNA :D
     
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  2. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
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    I'd be interested in seeing if a clone had my personality or not. Is there something else that creates this? I know environment holds a factor but would she still like the same things I do? Would she wants to write? Would she be obsessed with theory?
     
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  3. bagelriffic

    bagelriffic Community Member

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    i have always hoped to adopt some day, too many children live life without a permanent home. i am not knocking the foster care system, imo its without a doubt necessary, but it has flaws just as any other system, and i believe i would benefit from feeling as though i am helping a child by giving them a chance they might not have had otherwise.
     
  4. Ecton

    Ecton Community Member

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    A lot of the people with a twin here have an opposite sibling on the T/F spectrum, so I wouldn't be surprised if a clone wouldn't end up with an opposite in the T/F category if it lived with you as a sibling.

    Life before used to be about ideas and projects. Now its about providing and growing. But all of the growth is on their end. Unfortunately, I haven't matured or grown as a result of being a parent. Its just that now I look down and there are two wonderful kids who need me, and so I play a role. Perhaps, with more time, that roleplaying as Dad will start to affect me more. It has changed the choices and decisions I now make, and it changes how I feel about my life. The former is more restrictive, the latter is better. Perhaps because i'm a natural nurturer, parenting hasn't really forced me to challenge my identity the way some might be challenged.
     
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    #4 Ecton, May 4, 2010
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  5. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    The thought of a clone is appealing (as long as the clone were INFJ as well), because there would be the aspect of being able to watch someone pretty similar to you grow up - Kind of to fill in the blanks about one's life.

    Although, I don't think I could be even half as good a parent as either of my parents. So it's probably best that I don't have kids.


    (Sorry, I didn't really stick to the topic).
     
  6. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    Well this is tailor made for me as I have many offspring May. I will answer as best I can. Of course it did change me, though not in the way that many people are changed by children. For a lot of men and women, having a child means becoming more responsible and less selfish. I was always fairly responsible and very unselfish, so it didn't change that in me.

    No, the changes brought on by my children in my life were more subtle, and more profound. Let me start by saying my mother always though I would be the one to not have ANY kids. I did much care for them when I was younger. I think my INFJ in-my-head attitude lead her to believe I wouldn't want to bother with them. I really didn't think I'd have any for a long time. I still shake my head sometimes that I have four and a step kid too. You can't really know what they will mean to you, how they will make you feel, until you actually have one. That sounds cliche', but is so true. They showed me a kind of love I didn't comprehend until then.

    When my daughter Chelsea was born I was a few months shy of 30. I felt bewildered and unprepared. But the miracle of life can do funny things to a soul. Watching her come into this world was one of the highlights of my life. The feeling of seeing your love combined with another and born anew is not something that can easily be conveyed. And so it was with each of them. All unique and wonderful. I endlessly contemplate what each will do and be in this world. And I try to impart a small part of my spirit into theirs. And they, in kind, do the same for me.

    It has made me a more thoughtful and caring person. It has made me see the beauty in the small things. In the laugh of the sublime and in the freshness of discovery. In a child's first word, or her tears at their first harsh situation. The wonder in their eyes as they walk onto that school bus for the first time. And the joy they bring when they come back home that same day full of new adventures. If these things don't change you and make you want to be a better person, nothing this life has to offer will. So yes, having kids has changed me. It has given me companions on a long and lonely journey. Com padre's of the soul. They have my back, and I will always have theirs........
     
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    #6 Questingpoet, May 4, 2010
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  7. middle1

    middle1 Hellur

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    Having kids has forced me to change in ALOT of ways. Life is not longer about me, and every single decision I make first has to first take my kids and their future into consideration. I was forced to grow up and get over myself real quickly!
     
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  8. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    a. Yes, I would adopt, because the world is overpopulated, and some are orphans. I would raise a child to be batman, or a lord of Shai Gar.

    b. Yes,i would raise me to be me, not a cookie cutter child.
     
  9. Siamese cat

    Siamese cat Madame Cat strikes again

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    I don't have kids so I'll go straight to the related questions.

    I would adopt and I think I will whether I'll have one or two of my own kids. I think that it's something that would change the life of that kid for the better as well as my own.

    I wouldn't want to clone myself, world is not prepared for one of me, let alone two of me at the same time. :p I'm partly kidding but the truth is that I would probably get bored with myself rather quickly. I want diversity and one of the reasons I'm here is that I enjoy the company of like minded but otherwise totally different people.
     
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  10. Gaze

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    I thought of adoption as a major possibility when i was younger. And although i still think it's a great idea, i'm not sure if becoming a parent (biologically or through adoption) would really change me especially at this point. But it would definitely get anyone out of their comfort zone, and give them a strength or fight they never had before because of the love and committment parents have for their kids.

    And i would never want a CLONE. I don't want a replica of me. A child should have their own physical, emotional, social identity apart from the parent. I would prefer it if my kid's a J though.
     
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    #10 Gaze, May 4, 2010
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  11. Matariki

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    I don't have children but I did grow up in a large family which from that I learnt the value of responsibility. I enjoy working with kids but I'm not eager to have any of my own anytime soon not without establishing a soild carrer first.

    Would I adpot a kid? Yes, cerntainly before considering having any of my own.

    Whould I clone myself? No. The world has enough on their hands dealing with one of me. If another me were to come along, the world would explode.
     
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  12. testing

    On Holiday

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    1. Children affect your sense of self in myriad ways... you love them more than anything else and will pretty much do anything for them. Your sense of self changes because you no longer are as self-centered or self-important. Also, things you thought you could handle easily are not nearly as easy as you thought, and you have a greater understanding of the cycles of life and how they affect us all. (We were all babies, most of us will experience all life's phases... these phases shape us and are sometimes more powerful than our "self")

    2. Children affect your everyday life in myriad ways. (Example: you no longer have the luxury of using the toilet unaccompanied, or without loud banging on the door and shouts of "MOMMY? Can we go to London so I can be a knight? Today? On an airplane? MOMMY!! ANSWER ME!!!!! Mommy, can I have a real sword? I promise I won't hit anyone with it! MOMMY!!!") Plus you have to clean things constantly, or else learn to live with chaos. Not easy for a slightly OCD J type!

    3. I hope I've matured... although if you are a parent, it helps to be able to enjoy things like theme parks and the Spy Kids movies, so you don't want to mature too much. Children keep you young! They also demand patience and self-restraint, so yes, in those respects, they should mature you. I've met some very immature parents, however, so it doesn't always work.

    4. The main part of my attitude that has changed after having children is that I place a greater importance on practical realities: i.e., having good insurance and steady income. Adventure and glamour mean much much much less to me than they used to. Dry cleaning and fashion no longer even blip on my radar. I'm also more aware of safety issues; I now see coffee tables as evil instruments of toddler injury, dogs as potential murderers, and don't even get me started on priests.

    5. Yes, I'd adopt a kid. I want to now.

    6. Good lord, no, not a clone! That's why we have husbands, to improve (hopefully) the gene pool! :)laugh: and other reasons) I'm not nearly perfect enough in my DNA or otherwise. I want my children to be themselves, they're much better and I love them that way.
     
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  13. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    I was nodding my head the whole way Janet. Spoken like a true parent! And here I though my kids were the only ones who wouldn't let me use the toilet in peace! *what do you think I'm doing?!* If my answer was a bit on the profound side, your was steeped in practicality and common sense. And a lot of truth too. And yes, combining DNA is WAY more fun than cloning! ;)
     
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