Happiness & Lonliness | INFJ Forum

Happiness & Lonliness

Fake Plastic Alice

Fake Plastic Alice

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Jan 28, 2010
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Hey all,
I'm new here, i stumbled upon this site searching for Infj info.. i guess i kinda would like to know people's opinions and personal experiences. I guess you could say i've really started to find myself lately. While i spent a lot of my life depressed i've become a very happy person in the past few months, i've begun to completely accept myself and say YES to life, rather than the usual NO.. And while everything is great, there is one thing that i just can't seem to get passed... and that's lonliness. In a romantic way. I'd like to hear from other INFJs who feel the same way... or better yet those who have learned to move on from this.. or well..whatever you'd like to say on the topic:)

Thanks,
FPA
 
:wave:Welcome :) I'm really happy in your happiness - that you have found yourself and that this has enhanced your enjoyment of life. I could say the same thing about me, since I joined this forum of loveliness. I hope you gain all that you would wish to from being here. Regarding loneliness, the only long term solution (disclaimer: according to me) is to learn to love yourself and treat yourself as your very own best friend. Sounds crazy, but it works. My happiest times are when I'm kindest to myself (and after a lifetime of harsh self-criticism that sure is appreciated), and I never feel alone when I'm happy in my own company. Oddly enough, people are more often drawn to me when I'm in that mindset, but I don't need them, and this greatly enhances my ability to enjoy their company and appreciate them for exactly who they are and what they are able to offer, without the weight of expectation on my part.
 
It is an interesting dynamic...I have run into it in several places all employing different terminology, but the essentials are quite similar. That is, finding a way to get our eyes (focus) off of ourselves and onto something greater (life, others, God)....and then all of a sudden we are rejuvinated and seem more complete, more whole. Some introspection/self knowledge is always good, but I think a big part of our humanity thrives when we are simply engaged in life and focusing our energy outward!

As for lonliness...oh yes, I do understand. I have been single for the past 20 years. A friend told me once that "you will die a thousands deaths before you are content being alone." She was right.

The big thing I think is to realize that you will feel blue now and then, but that you will also feel energized at times, too. It's like the weather....my mood doesn't tank just because it is raining. I don't judge it. I just get my umbrella and keep on going, knowing that the sun will shine again....and it does. Both rain and sunshine happen...it's no scandal.

I also find it helpful to not define my humanity by my marital state....I have single friends and I have lots of married friends. I am me...and my singleness does not diminish that. In this regard I also think it's important to foster an inner life, "I," that can be whole and complete regardless of the ups and downs that "me" might be going through. This represents a more complex but accurate understanding of ourselves, one that can help keep us focussed and on track.

In the end, though, this is just a means of coping/understanding....if we long for connection with another and we do not have this, I think we will live with a part of us that is perpetually incomplete. Life just does this sometimes. We may be complete and whole in many other ways....but part of us will always remain lost. That said, sometimes disconnects like this, if we can leave room for them, can profoundly affect us for the better on some level. It's something of a paradox.
 
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is that Fake, plastic Alice, or fake, plastic, Alice?
 
The reason you feel lonely is because INFJ is the lamest type you can have. Now MBTI is a lie, but if it wasn't a lie, INFJ would be like the kid no one liked at school. Except at my school, that was me.
 
I feel the same way or at least very similarly. I don't know that there is a good way to deal with it. It is just painful.
 
Dragon said:
I feel the same way or at least very similarly. I don't know that there is a good way to deal with it. It is just painful.
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You heard it, it is just painful. Loneliness is such a huge topic, I imagine most here could open a vein on that subject. All I know is that it has gotten better as I get older and gets better all the time... but I've got some way to go.
 
My sister told me to "learn to accept extreme or literal loneliness, as in, having no one."

I find it a good lesson; it helped me appreciate other people's presence, and helping me adapt with my own. :p
 
Trifoilum said:
My sister told me to "learn to accept extreme or literal loneliness, as in, having no one."

I find it a good lesson; it helped me appreciate other people's presence, and helping me adapt with my own. :p
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I think being alone is a good skill, lol. I was surprised to find my extroverted friends are afraid of being alone. They genuinely were scared of the prospect of being on their own and only for a short time.
 
patricky said:
The reason you feel lonely is because INFJ is the lamest type you can have. Now MBTI is a lie, but if it wasn't a lie, INFJ would be like the kid no one liked at school. Except at my school, that was me.
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Why would you post on an INFJ Forum, then? Normally people come here because they like something about MBTI and/or INFJs.
 
TheLastMohican said:
Why would you post on an INFJ Forum, then? Normally people come here because they like something about MBTI and/or INFJs.
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He's joking.
But I think he's also playing with the fact that it seems that some infjs on here like to portray themselves as outcasts of society.
 
Oh so THAT's patrick.

Hi fpa, welcome. Sure I've felt lonley in a romantic way. The last couple of years mainly I have had periodic longings for eternal companionship and I want to 'fall in love' in the most cliche sense of the term. Obviously you're older than me and might have already gone through this, but for me I am mostly over (I think) the impatience of wanting someone NOW, and am fairly content with how I am so long as I keep my doors open and don't assume 'It'll never happen to me'.

How are you in terms of social life? I find that if I haven't had my recommended dose of daily/weekly socialising (however minor) I tend to become more longing for immediate companionship, so that have an impact on ones romantic lonliness.
 
Trifoilum said:
it helped me appreciate other people's presence, and helping me adapt with my own.
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I agree this is a positive outcome. A bit of a twisty route to achieve, but well worth the effort.

Yield said:
I was surprised to find my extroverted friends are afraid of being alone. They genuinely were scared of the prospect of being on their own and only for a short time.
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I have seen a lot of this. People are almost destabilized...strange things happen.
 
I don't want to "quote" everyone here cuz this would be ridiculously long and repetitive... however i really appreciate and enjoy hearing everyone's opinion.

HELFUL ELF: I thinking loving myself is definitely some of the best advice, and probably the biggest hurdle i have to overcome in my new found journey of happiness.

RANDOMSOMEONE: "I also find it helpful to not define my humanity by my marital state." I think you're right there, that is a big key, a little difficult when the rest of the world does tho, and everyday at work i get asked if i have a boyfriend about 10 times.. and all i can say is.. "kinda?" :p But i like that viewpoint!

APOSTELYIZER: Fake, Plastic Alice:p

PATRICKY: yea... we're just a bunch of sad sore losers that got picked on in school and nobody loves, kinda like u:p

YIELD: I'm far from unable to be alone, in fact i love being alone, but alone and lonliness are two completely different things in my book...before i started to find myself i would be in a group of people and feel lonely.

KRUMPLENUMP: My social life is perfect,for me, for the first time in a long time actually. When i want to be alone i'm alone and when i want to be around friends i'm around friends... mostly 1 or 2 at a time, ocassionally more. I guess i'm just a hopeless romantic... and it's not that there arn't people in my life.. maybe this is a hurdle i've yet to overcome, or maybe there will always be something missing until i find someone to go through life with.. i guess that's really what i want. I dont sit and sulk over it or anything.. it's just a feeling that's kinda always with me. I just wanted to know if other people felt this way aswell.. if maybe it was in INFJ thing or maybe an everyone thing:p
 
TheLastMohican said:
Why would you post on an INFJ Forum, then? Normally people come here because they like something about MBTI and/or INFJs.
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Are you saying that I should leave? : (
 
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TheDaringHatTrick said:
He's saying stop being a jerkface, Mr. jerkityjerkface.
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D:

No wait. I mean:

sad20face.jpg


INFJ's are cool.
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Well, I'll give you this: at least they're not sensors.
 
Strangely enough, I only feel lonely if I'm in a crowd and I think that's only because I don't want to be seen as an outcast or a 'loner', and not because I actually desire anyone's company. There's a saying that you are least alone in solitude and I would definitely agree with that.
When we're young, I think we all want to feel as if we fit in, as if we belong, but I've gradually learnt that it's okay to be different and that it would be pointless to pretend otherwise. I've reached the point where I accept myself as I am, and so long as I don't need other people's approval, I will never really be lonely.

Edit: Just realised that I missed the 'in a romantic way' part of your post, in which case, you can ignore my post. :D
 
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