I try to remain flexible in my thinking, really I do...
...it has all to do with how I understand a man's ego. I think we as INFJs can really get deep into another person's psyche. In retrospect, I think that men can't handle emotional intensity from a woman early on, even though subconsciously they crave it.
Nothing's wrong with women being intense early on if that's who they are, but if a guy cannot handle that, that just means that he is not the right person for you. To coldly generalize this is just.... wrong.
that does not mean that I need to change my emotional intensity to suit a man who is scared.
Of course that does not mean you need to chance your emotional intensity. Being yourself is a great way to filter all men who are not compatible with you.
But how am I being manipulative when I back off and don't initiate contact?
it feels like you're playing games with someone by doing that... I'd run too if I felt that I was interacting with someone who was emotionally manipulative towards me.
I did get angry that he would give me such a short notice. He's been online waiting for my reply and I can literally feel that he is panicking.
You're not officially dating yet, as such he has no such obligation. Don't you grasp that unlike you he does not feel that he is officially in a relationship yet?
He'd only panic if what he wants is a relationship with you. He might have felt like he should give you a solid answer and thus hoped for you to meet him,
but if it was a no and you just left him hanging, then he ain't feeling a thing and you will be the one wondering what hes thinking, whilst his mind is way somewhere else entirely.
Men take our interest in them for granted from the very beginning.
You keep waving around that men keep taking women for granted, but perhaps you attract those kinds of men because you take men for granted more then they do you...
That shallow generalization of all men will steer any supportive and sensitive men away from you, and those are the kind that generally are looking for (positive/healthy) emotional intensity.
This will teach him that women are not to be played with and not at one's beck and call. That said, he is a nice guy overall though.....just needs some training.
Honestly, being a assertive is great, but acts like these make me feel like you instead want to domineer another persons life.
Like hush said, we're not dogs and as a man I sure would not want to be treated like a dog with an abusive master.
(at-least be one of them hot dog loving girls who makes their dogs feel super special and loved ;p )
You basically train people to respect you.
I'm beginning to feel unwell, you do not train people to respect you, you earn their respect.
What you say is like using a whip with sharp stones attached to it to beat a horse bloody and raw if it does not do what you want,
instead of just patiently, gently guiding it until it grasps what you want it to do.
I said this earlier to youheimmein, but I think this counts for you as well Artemisia. A healthy relationship is when you and your beloved are to each-other a partner, and not a conquest.
Yet your choice of words in this topic indicate that not only does your approach mirror that of a conquest, but you also indicate strong negative emotions towards men,
to the point where I feel like you actually hate all of us, look down on us and/or feel superior to us.
If want you want is to have mutually supportive, loving, respectful and emotionally intense relationship then it would be good to tap into your positive side, take a more soft-handed approach and treat others as you want to be treated.
