Great week with INFP male....now he won't communicate | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Great week with INFP male....now he won't communicate

JJJA said:
The natural instinct of a man is to cheat? I don't think I need to explain why this viewpoint has so many wrongs with it. But I would like to consider myself outside of this circle of men you speak of and make such bigoted and sweeping generalizations about. Pathetic.
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I may not have communicated my point effectively then. What I was trying to say was that men have a natural instinct to be attracted to attractive sexual partners. They can then choose whether they act on it and violate their integrity, or uphold their integrity and resist the temptation to cheat. Having a sexual attraction isn't cheating - it's how a man chooses to deal with said attraction. Feed it or resist it.

If this didn't come through in my original post, I apologize. If you still disagree, I am willing to have a civil and logical conversation about it.
 
courteouskitten said:
I may not have communicated my point effectively then. What I was trying to say was that men have a natural instinct to be attracted to attractive sexual partners. They can then choose whether they act on it and violate their integrity, or uphold their integrity and resist the temptation to cheat. Having a sexual attraction isn't cheating - it's how a man chooses to deal with said attraction. Feed it or resist it.

If this didn't come through in my original post, I apologize. If you still disagree, I am willing to have a civil and logical conversation about it.
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I don't agree that cheating is uniformly about attraction to outside beauties.

I think cheating is about an implicit belief which creeps in when a relationship is unhappy/burdensome - that deficits in personal life/relationships might be remedied by external supplementation/alternatives.
 
hush said:
This. I am saying this as a lady, this right here. Well put, Endersgone.

It is damaging and insulting to make such sweeping generalizations about 50% of the world's population.
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Less than 50%. Women outnumber men. My sociology teacher said some shit about 50/50 men and women. Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy and his stupid stupid brain. FUCK YOU HOMANN!!! FUCK YOU!!

*exits the conversation again*
 
Flavus Aquila said:
I think it is the case that slut attracts slut; and serious attracts serious.
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Unless they call you a slut because you're looking for serious and think you've found it but instead keep finding slut...because that's all there is.
 
Allow me to point out that currently I feel that men are not wired for monogamy. I think that's why men of many cultures have had polygamous/polyamorous relations. I think the idea of monogamy probably originated as a way to manipulate women into sex, by showering with attention and affection, making a woman feel like the one and only object of desire and romantic interest. If we weren't taught to be jealous or practice monogamy, I highly doubt anyone would participate. But I think men are especially susceptible to bend and sacrifice integrity, home, family for the thrill of sexual conquest because biologically, they need to spread their seed, so to speak.

I also really don't care for men at the moment, all things considered.
 
youhemmein said:
Allow me to point out that currently I feel that men are not wired for monogamy. I think that's why men of many cultures have had polygamous/polyamorous relations. I think the idea of monogamy probably originated as a way to manipulate women into sex, by showering with attention and affection, making a woman feel like the one and only object of desire and romantic interest. If we weren't taught to be jealous or practice monogamy, I highly doubt anyone would participate. But I think men are especially susceptible to bend and sacrifice integrity, home, family for the thrill of sexual conquest because biologically, they need to spread their seed, so to speak.

I also really don't care for men at the moment, all things considered.
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While I agree that the majority of men can't be monogamous, I have to say that there are still a lot of men out there who are. I believe in the monogamy gene theory. In my experience, a man who was monogamous in past relationships is likely to stay monogamous in future relationships/marriage because he forms a strong emotional bond with his partners.
 
By the way, he explained that I had misinterpreted that slight flirting on his FB page; that girl was in fact his friend's girlfriend.
 
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youhemmein said:
Men are pigs, even "nice" guys. Every last one is a filthy liar and would bed an attractive person outside a monogamous relationship if the opportunity presented and they knew they wouldn't get caught. Sorry, but you can think like a man and be called a slut, or you can let your sexual prime pass you by and dry up like a desert.
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This is very bias. All your points are just as applicable to both men and women.
Just because you choose unfaithful partners does not mean that all people of the opposite sex are.


youhemmein said:
Unless they call you a slut because you're looking for serious and think you've found it but instead keep finding slut...because that's all there is.
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Or you're just a sucker for cheaters that most people spot from a mile away...
I got some housemates who keep complaining about guys they fall for, and not one of the guys they brought home looks even remotely reliable...
AND they come across as being rather comfortable with being here, which is like the most obvious warning that coming to a girls house is not uncommon to them.


youhemmein said:
Allow me to point out that currently I feel that men are not wired for monogamy. I think that's why men of many cultures have had polygamous/polyamorous relations. I think the idea of monogamy probably originated as a way to manipulate women into sex, by showering with attention and affection, making a woman feel like the one and only object of desire and romantic interest. If we weren't taught to be jealous or practice monogamy, I highly doubt anyone would participate. But I think men are especially susceptible to bend and sacrifice integrity, home, family for the thrill of sexual conquest because biologically, they need to spread their seed, so to speak.

I also really don't care for men at the moment, all things considered.
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More bias thinking... I prefer a strong bond with one woman. I don't find group stuff or multiple partners on the side even remotely interesting. Many others share my thoughts on this. Generalizing men on your own choices of partners is uncool. The fact you think in terms of sexual conquests already proves you attract those who think alike. I do not see women as a potential conquest but as a potential partner.

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youhemmein said:
Allow me to point out that currently I feel that men are not wired for monogamy. I think that's why men of many cultures have had polygamous/polyamorous relations. I think the idea of monogamy probably originated as a way to manipulate women into sex, by showering with attention and affection, making a woman feel like the one and only object of desire and romantic interest. If we weren't taught to be jealous or practice monogamy, I highly doubt anyone would participate. But I think men are especially susceptible to bend and sacrifice integrity, home, family for the thrill of sexual conquest because biologically, they need to spread their seed, so to speak.

I also really don't care for men at the moment, all things considered.
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Here is what I was trying to say last night when I was tired and apparently couldn't express myself very well. (I'm not going to exempt women from this, but I'm a man, so I'm thinking in reference to men right now.) Do men have a tendency to be susceptible to this? Yes. Do they all succumb? No. As Endersgone put it (much better than I did), some deeply value moral integrity.

Your conclusion is also related to your worldview, in that you're referencing a biological/evolutionary need to propagate the species. I'm not going to turn this into an origins debate, but simply will point out that there are other worldviews in which that part of your argument would not hold much weight. And really, if we're talking about morals and integrity anyway, those are typically defined by one's worldview, which is not the focus of this thread.
 
Flavus Aquila said:
I don't agree that cheating is uniformly about attraction to outside beauties.

I think cheating is about an implicit belief which creeps in when a relationship is unhappy/burdensome - that deficits in personal life/relationships might be remedied by external supplementation/alternatives.
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I agree 100% with this.
 
Artisan said:
More bias thinking... I prefer a strong bond with one woman. I don't find group stuff or multiple partners on the side even remotely interesting. Many others share my thoughts on this. Generalizing men on your own choices of partners is uncool. The fact you think in terms of sexual conquests already proves you attract those who think alike. I do not see women as a potential conquest but as a potential partner.
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Isn't that the typical INFJ mindset?
 
courteouskitten said:
Isn't that the typical INFJ mindset?
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True, but I'm the only INFJ male I know IRL, and most other guys I know agree with this, the majority of guys I know are also introverts, which might be a contributing factor?
 
youhemmein said:
Allow me to point out that currently I feel that men are not wired for monogamy. I think that's why men of many cultures have had polygamous/polyamorous relations. I think the idea of monogamy probably originated as a way to manipulate women into sex, by showering with attention and affection, making a woman feel like the one and only object of desire and romantic interest. If we weren't taught to be jealous or practice monogamy, I highly doubt anyone would participate. But I think men are especially susceptible to bend and sacrifice integrity, home, family for the thrill of sexual conquest because biologically, they need to spread their seed, so to speak.

I also really don't care for men at the moment, all things considered.
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Female infidelity rates are about half that of male infidelity rates (in all the various relationship situations).

I suspect the ratio between the sexes would be equal, were it not for the fact that women can fall pregnant to a stranger, whereas men cannot.
 
Regarding the exact ratio of males to females in the world's population, that doesn't really matter. Saying roughly 50% would have been more precise, of course.

More important than that, and the point, is that no matter the exact percentage it's still a generalization made about and directed towards billions of people. That is all.
 
Artemisia said:
In the early morning, I saw on his FB wall that he was sort of flirting with a girl (only slightly) and I sent him a mean message that said "it seems like you are a player. It's a pity because I assumed you were a good guy".
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That is a pretty good indication that you are crazy. Not many dudes wouldn't be put off by that.
 
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Meer said:
That is a pretty good indication that you are crazy. Not many dudes wouldn't be put off by that.
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It's a pretty good indication that I do not tolerate cheating and am letting the guy know early on. I've had experiences in the past where I had suspected my exes might have been cheating and didn't say anything. Now I know better.
 
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