Great week with INFP male....now he won't communicate | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

Great week with INFP male....now he won't communicate

It seems a lot of the bias is coming from those who've been burnt before. I have to, sometimes we just must accept that this will happen in love and life. You can't walk into a new relationship thinking that 1) because you slept together means that you're now in a committed relationship and 2) being paranoid that you're going to be cheated on.
"Slight flirtation" isn't cheating and all your Facebook reaction said was "I am a paranoid and untrusting individual." Maybe work on those trust issues before serious dating.
 
[MENTION=11526]Artemisia[/MENTION], you seem pretty clueless about relationships. I'm not looking to be mean to you, but basing this on several threads you've posted which all have a very similar pattern of you doing/saying something wrong and then wondering why they're not responding.

FYI if a man has sex with you, it doesn't mean he wants to date you exclusively. Seems like you get ahead of yourself (and the other person) with a bunch of assumptions about the relationship that may not be real. I think I pointed this out in your other thread. So instead of being mean (as you put it) and overreacting out of jealousy you may want to clarify the nature of your relationship before you demand exclusivity.
 
Peppermint said:
ll have a very similar pattern of you doing/saying something wrong and then wondering why they're not responding.

....Seems like you get ahead of yourself (and the other person) with a bunch of assumptions about the relationship that may not be real. I think I pointed this out in your other thread. So instead of being mean (as you put it) and overreacting out of jealousy you may want to clarify the nature of your relationship before you demand exclusivity.
Click to expand...

This is a fairly common trait amongst infj's tho, from what I've seen thus far online. It happens in both friendships and relationships.
 
Artisan said:
This is a fairly common trait amongst infj's tho, from what I've seen thus far online. It happens in both friendships and relationships.
Click to expand...

I haven't observed the same.
 
My experiences with men in the past have taught me a lot though. Perhaps I choose the wrong men, but my intuition doesn't lie and I catch potential cheaters fairly early these days.

If someone sleeps with you, they have to tell you if they are sleeping with other people. There are lots of STDs out there that one should be careful of. Also, it is not much to tell someone that you are seeing other people or that you are polyamorous. The last guy I dated told me that right after we slept together and I respect him for it. I still chose to end it, but I liked his honesty and we are still friends.

And no, my reaction to this particular guy in the OP was not about paranoia and/or jealousy. I wanted to give him the message that if we are going to continue seeing each other, cheating is out of the question. I think he got that now.

I believe in being open and laying my cards on the table. If that scares men, then so be it. But I am not going to wait forever for someone to make up his mind about what he wants. I tell them what I am looking for and if they do not deliver, I cut them off.
 
Update: today we met up and had a good time. The long cuddling continued and during that time I asked him what he wanted us to be (keep in mind we have only known each other for two weeks). I told him I wanted what we had to continue and he said "you mean like a relationship, commitment?" I said "well, yes". He said he was afraid and not sure because it would have to be long distance for a while (he is going back to his country in three days) and also that he needs some time to gather his thoughts.

I told him to think about it but that I am the kind of person who knows right away what I want and if a man takes too long to decide, I lose all interest in him.

He was both very passionate and kind of hesitant today. I could sense that there was a push/pull with him, literally his emotions tagging and not knowing what he was feeling. At some point, I was talking about how emotional I am in general and I cried a little in front of him. We are going to meet once more before he leaves, but I am happy I put my cards on the table. Now the ball is in his court.

Comments? Will this Nordic INFP drive me crazy?
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: endersgone
If a man were to send me a message like you did over a slightly flirty message viewable by everyone on Facebook, then I would know right away that he is the jealous, controlling type and that I am better off staying far away from him. However, I'm not sure how men would feel about it, but I can't help thinking that only ones with low self-esteem would have no issue with it. There are much more polite ways to deal with something like that.
 
La Sagna said:
If a man were to send me a message like you did over a slightly flirty message viewable by everyone on Facebook, then I would know right away that he is the jealous, controlling type and that I am better off staying far away from him. However, I'm not sure how men would feel about it, but I can't help thinking that only ones with low self-esteem would have no issue with it. There are much more polite ways to deal with something like that.
Click to expand...

What is interesting though is that when a guy behaves hot/cold with me, I assume he is not that interested and eventually I lose interest in him. A bit later, they show up again, asking for a second chance, but they go in the discarded pile. This works every time and is a source of annoyance to me.
 
You are wasting your time. If you want to send the clear message that sex with you is an exclusive and elusive thing, then stop having sex so early in your relationships. Have the talk before and not after.

What you really need is a man who is not having sex with anyone unless he believes he can love them.
 
  • Like
Reactions: invisible
Getting overly attached and as a result making hasty assumptions and overreacting.

That is not uncommon at with INFJ's at all, this pattern in some form is seen in lots of posts on this forum and INFJ FB Groups.
Something like this happened between a friend and me a swell and was covered in my blog.


La Sagna said:
If a man were to send me a message like you did over a slightly flirty message viewable by everyone on Facebook, then I would know right away that he is the jealous, controlling type and that I am better off staying far away from him. However, I'm not sure how men would feel about it, but I can't help thinking that only ones with low self-esteem would have no issue with it. There are much more polite ways to deal with something like that.
Click to expand...

I can only speak for myself but Pretty much the same.
(I do not have much self esteem either, but neither would I (knowingly) flirt with other girls when I'm in a relationship)

It depends on what Artemisia considers to be flirting, perhaps he was just being nice or used a smiley that winks. ;p
(that's why I said knowingly, I use wink smileys to everyone and that's definitely not flirting to me)


Artemisia said:
What is interesting though is that when a guy behaves hot/cold with me, I assume he is not that interested and eventually I lose interest in him.
Click to expand...
Just out of curiosity, over what kind of time-span are we talking?



Stu said:
If you want to send the clear message that sex with you is an exclusive and elusive thing, then stop having sex so early in your relationships. Have the talk before and not after.
Click to expand...
I agree. Talk before not after.

Now I wonder, were you officially bf and gf or just 2 people sleeping together?
Cause a solid relationship cannot be build purely on assumptions.
 
Last edited:
My experience with other INFP guys (not dates) in the past has been that they are pretty all over the place regarding feelings. One day they want you, the next day they do not.

As I said, it has only been two weeks and he is going back to his country in 3 days. He will be back in a few months though. I think I will just stop communicating with him altogether unless he initiates. In any case we are supposed to meet again before he leaves.

So he doesn't seem to like very hot; it's OK, I will switch to very cold with him then.
 
Artisan said:
Now I wonder, were you officially bf and gf or just 2 people sleeping together?
Cause a solid relationship cannot be build purely on assumptions.
Click to expand...

We only know each other for two weeks. We already slept together three times (and it was great!) I only brought up the conversation today because he is leaving soon. I just said "I would like this to continue" and things started unraveling from there. But both his body language and demeanor were hot and cold.....sometimes very hot, sometimes cold.
 
In any case, I was quite vulnerable with him today. That should have made an impression.
 
Well for what worth it's probably good that you decided to clarify what you want from him.
Now he has sometime to do figure out what he wants from you too and knows you see him as more than a fling.

Regardless of what the outcome will be, I hope it will be the best outcome for you.
 
Artisan said:
Well for what worth it's probably good that you decided to clarify what you want from him.
Now he has sometime to do figure out what he wants from you too and knows you see him as more than a fling.
Click to expand...

Yes, as I said, I had no choice because I knew from the beginning that he was going to be leaving soon. Hence why we rushed it a bit and why I had to put my cards on the table so soon (I would have waited a month otherwise).
 
Artemisia said:
Update: today we met up and had a good time. The long cuddling continued and during that time I asked him what he wanted us to be (keep in mind we have only known each other for two weeks). I told him I wanted what we had to continue and he said "you mean like a relationship, commitment?" I said "well, yes". He said he was afraid and not sure because it would have to be long distance for a while (he is going back to his country in three days) and also that he needs some time to gather his thoughts.

I told him to think about it but that I am the kind of person who knows right away what I want and if a man takes too long to decide, I lose all interest in him.

He was both very passionate and kind of hesitant today. I could sense that there was a push/pull with him, literally his emotions tagging and not knowing what he was feeling. At some point, I was talking about how emotional I am in general and I cried a little in front of him. We are going to meet once more before he leaves, but I am happy I put my cards on the table. Now the ball is in his court.

Comments? Will this Nordic INFP drive me crazy?
Click to expand...

He's going overseas in a few days...

I think he'll want one last ride on the town bicycle.
 
  • Like
Reactions: the and La Sagna
I think you should switch to cold immediately.

He doesn't know what he wants and wants to gather his thoughts? That would be a total buzz kill for me.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back