Great week with INFP male....now he won't communicate | INFJ Forum

Great week with INFP male....now he won't communicate

Artemisia

Artemisia

Community Member
May 20, 2014
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MBTI
INFJ
I met this lovely INFP man ten days ago. I was about to leave from the lecture we both attended and he came to the door to stop me and get to know me. I gave him my contact details, we arranged a date two days later (which lasted 8 hours). He revealed that he broke up from his gf of 6 years four months ago, and I told him that I am currently single. Two days after that, I invited him to my place and we had sex and cuddled for hours afterwords. The day after that, we had sex again at his place and cuddled for hours. We talked about all sorts of things and opened up to each other about our families etc. I should say that he is 6 years younger than me (I am 33).

Here is the problem. We were supposed to meet today to go to a restaurant and last night he was out with friends and got drunk. In the early morning, I saw on his FB wall that he was sort of flirting with a girl (only slightly) and I sent him a mean message that said "it seems like you are a player. It's a pity because I assumed you were a good guy". No answer and it's been a day now.

What do you think is going on here? Is he not interested and trying to ghost me? He was so kind and sweet and is the nerdy type that you would not think would be a player.
But why has he gone silent all of a sudden? It hurts.
 
Artemisia said:
he broke up from his gf of 6 years four months ago................I sent him a mean message that said "it seems like you are a player. It's a pity because I assumed you were a good guy".
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He is 27 and dated the same girl since he was 20...that fish needs to swim.
 
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Stu said:
He is 27 and dated the same girl since he was 20...that fish needs to swim.
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I know. But they did break up 4 months ago and he said it was a mutual, amicable breakup. Otherwise, he has been very kind and cuddly with me.
 
And by the way, he did reply a while ago saying that I had misinterpreted what he posted on FB and that he is, in fact, not a player at all. Yeah, I guess?
 
I am the wrong person to answer this! HA! Myself (31) and my best friend (32) have recently both been "involved" with 25 year old males. Both of us have had amazing times with these (this is what we call them, but its what we call them all) boys. Both gentlemen, romantics, done things no one we have ever been with have done. Now both of us are sitting on the high and dry side. I havent heard from mine in nearly 3 weeks. I'm not the type to message first, so its pretty much over. Hers has stood her up twice now, and since she told him to fly a kite, he's in panic mode trying to get in contact with her.

I cannot console me, I cannot console her, I cannot console you. I am usually really good at consoling, but cant seem to in this situation
 
as an infp let me give you some insight to us... the stuff that you really cant find on personality sites.... the not so good stuff, lol Now granted every infp is different but these are things that i have found that most of us have/had in common. thankfully by age 40 (soon!), i will have grown out of most of these bad behaviors.

  • we kinda suck at keeping in contact with people
  • when were unsure about something or someone, we act stupid - can't count on us
  • we're kinda promiscuous... in love with falling in love...
  • most of the time we don't have a clue about what we want, or we tend to change our minds about what we want....quickly and often
  • it takes a lot of conscious effort on our parts to be in a long-standing and committed relationship
 
Angela said:
I am the wrong person to answer this! HA! Myself (31) and my best friend (32) have recently both been "involved" with 25 year old males. Both of us have had amazing times with these (this is what we call them, but its what we call them all) boys. Both gentlemen, romantics, done things no one we have ever been with have done. Now both of us are sitting on the high and dry side. I havent heard from mine in nearly 3 weeks. I'm not the type to message first, so its pretty much over. Hers has stood her up twice now, and since she told him to fly a kite, he's in panic mode trying to get in contact with her.

I cannot console me, I cannot console her, I cannot console you. I am usually really good at consoling, but cant seem to in this situation
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It's not an age thing though. I had men in their 40s behave in similar ways. He is also from a northern European country where women are expected to take the initiative so....I don't know.
 
Artemisia said:
It's not an age thing though. I had men in their 40s behave in similar ways. He is also from a northern European country where women are expected to take the initiative so....I don't know.
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I know, its just very coincidental to me. I've really only been dating for about a year now, after a 10 year relationship, and I really didnt date between my ex husband, and the guy before him, which takes me back into my early teens. I've seen so many flakes out there.
 
Misadventure said:
as an infp let me give you some insight to us...
can't count on us
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I tell people 'don't count on me' ALL THE TIME. They usually can count on me but the idea that they can't, and telling them that they can't, gives me an easy out if I really don't care to do it.
Anyhow, I just used this post to talk about myself. You guys can carry on analyzing relationship issues *waves bye*
 
What was the slight flirting that he said you misinterpreted?
 
Men are pigs, even "nice" guys. Every last one is a filthy liar and would bed an attractive person outside a monogamous relationship if the opportunity presented and they knew they wouldn't get caught. Sorry, but you can think like a man and be called a slut, or you can let your sexual prime pass you by and dry up like a desert.
 
youhemmein said:
Men are pigs, even "nice" guys. Every last one is a filthy liar and would bed an attractive person outside a monogamous relationship if the opportunity presented and they knew they wouldn't get caught. Sorry, but you can think like a man and be called a slut, or you can let your sexual prime pass you by and dry up like a desert.
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This makes no sense whatsoever.
 
youhemmein said:
Men are pigs, even "nice" guys. Every last one is a filthy liar and would bed an attractive person outside a monogamous relationship if the opportunity presented and they knew they wouldn't get caught. Sorry, but you can think like a man and be called a slut, or you can let your sexual prime pass you by and dry up like a desert.
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Ummm, no... just no. Some of us actually prize ourselves on being moral beings with integrity; some of us would rather die.. I'm not saying I'm intelligent or "right" for feeling this way, but you're wrong.
 
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youhemmein said:
Men are pigs, even "nice" guys. Every last one is a filthy liar and would bed an attractive person outside a monogamous relationship if the opportunity presented and they knew they wouldn't get caught. Sorry, but you can think like a man and be called a slut, or you can let your sexual prime pass you by and dry up like a desert.
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I will agree with you in the sense that this is the natural instinct of a man. But some men give in to it, and other men choose to fight it. There may be few men with integrity, but they do exist.
 
youhemmein said:
Men are pigs, even "nice" guys. Every last one is a filthy liar and would bed an attractive person outside a monogamous relationship if the opportunity presented and they knew they wouldn't get caught. Sorry, but you can think like a man and be called a slut, or you can let your sexual prime pass you by and dry up like a desert.
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I think it is the case that slut attracts slut; and serious attracts serious.
 
courteouskitten said:
I will agree with you in the sense that this is the natural instinct of a man. But some men give in to it, and other men choose to fight it. There may be few men with integrity, but they do exist.
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The natural instinct of a man is to cheat? I don't think I need to explain why this viewpoint has so many wrongs with it. But I would like to consider myself outside of this circle of men you speak of and make such bigoted and sweeping generalizations about. Pathetic.
 
DonTaushMe said:
I tell people 'don't count on me' ALL THE TIME. They usually can count on me but the idea that they can't, and telling them that they can't, gives me an easy out if I really don't care to do it.
Anyhow, I just used this post to talk about myself. You guys can carry on analyzing relationship issues *waves bye*
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but see, you just proved it, lol. for die hard people you can count on, they don't leave themselves "an out" they either just do it, or not. we are known for saying we will.... and then won't. well, when we're not in a healthy state, anyway.
 
Endersgone said:
Ummm, no... just no. Some of us actually prize ourselves on being moral beings with integrity; some of us would rather die.. I'm not saying I'm intelligent or "right" for feeling this way, but you're wrong.
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This. I am saying this as a lady, this right here. Well put, Endersgone.

It is damaging and insulting to make such sweeping generalizations about 50% of the world's population.
 
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