Going out and meeting people | INFJ Forum

Going out and meeting people

Eniko

Eniko

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May 13, 2009
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Where does this misconception most people have come from that if you just GO OUTSIDE you will somehow meet new and interesting people? How many times does anyone meet someone new and lasting when they're just going about their business shopping in town for instance? How many times does anyone meet someone sitting outside a cafe enjoying a drink and watching as people go by?

Hell, even clubs which are touted as social meeting places are full of people who just hang out there with the people they came with, not meeting anyone.

To actually meet new people you need to find activities you can share with your peer group. Public is easiest, though private can work too like a tabletop game. Stuff like dance lessons, tabletop wargaming at your local game shop, playing CCGs at tournaments, those let you meet people.

So why do people think that just "going outside" will help you meet people? It makes no sense to me at all.
 
I actually have met people by going out. Literally walking outside your house and sitting in your front yard probably won't net you any new friends, but you will eventually meet someone just by going out and doing something.

I've met more than one person by going out by myself and just going about my day. At least one of them turned out to be crazy, but you can't win 'em all.
 
Hm.

I've only really met one person just going out and doing something. We met at a bar, and it was an interesting enough friendship while it lasted but it wasn't of any special quality and didn't last once he graduated and moved away.

Actually, now that I think about it, anyone else I've "met" by simply going to the book store or running errands was just hitting on me and creeped me out.

Lasting friends and boyfriends I've all met via classes taken together, mutual clubs joined, or living situation.

Yeah. I don't buy the whole "go outside and you'll meet people without trying" thing either. I go to a school with 26,000 people and walk across campus every day, passing by thousands in the process. I should have a enough friends to last a lifetime by now.

That said, if I'm bored and antsy, it does feel good to at least go into town and pick up some food or coffee and be a part of society, however briefly and unproductively.
 
Because it takes too much effort to break into Keanu Reeves house.
 
It's wonderful to meet friends like that. Simply tune into the vibe of friendship and people will appear. :)
 
You have to ask yourself; "if a complete stranger approached me, began talking to me, and tried to get to know me, then how would I react?"

The answer is most of us would crawl into our introversion shells, provide the most limited information we could give out, and end the uncomfortable discussion as soon as possible.

Now imagine if you were the person who was going out and meeting strangers. What could you do differently so that you wouldn't come off like a weirdo.

The answer is there really isn't much you could do. Frankly, the best way to make a stranger into a friend is to invite them into an activity with you. That bit of wisdom doesn't even come from adults. It comes from watching young children do it. Seriously, if you want to become an expert at making a stranger into a friend, then watch how youngsters who have yet to become self conscious do it on the playground. Something so simple is really quite amazing.
 
"Hey, you wanna go play?" usually doesn't go over well when you're an adult though.
 
Satya said:
You have to ask yourself; "if a complete stranger approached me, began talking to me, and tried to get to know me, then how would I react?"

The answer is most of us would crawl into our introversion shells, provide the most limited information we could give out, and end the uncomfortable discussion as soon as possible.

Now imagine if you were the person who was going out and meeting strangers. What could you do differently so that you wouldn't come off like a weirdo.

The answer is there really isn't much you could do. Frankly, the best way to make a stranger into a friend is to invite them into an activity with you. That bit of wisdom doesn't even come from adults. It comes from watching young children do it. Seriously, if you want to become an expert at making a stranger into a friend, then watch how youngsters who have yet to become self conscious do it on the playground. Something so simple is really quite amazing.
Click to expand...

See, for me if a stranger randomly starts talking to me (and I like their vibe, that is extremely important), I will very chatty and open up to them and want to get to know them as well. I am just not an initator of conversation.
 
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I had a girlfriend of 2 years that I meet by simply hanging out at a park one day...
 
Ortorin said:
I had a girlfriend of 2 years that I meet by simply hanging out at a park one day...
Click to expand...
I'm really curious about how the hell that happened.
 
Eniko said:
I'm really curious about how the hell that happened.
Click to expand...


I was hanging out with my friend Stevie over at the park in his apartment area. My ex, Colleen, was hanging out with a friend of mine that I knew and another chick friend of their's. We all ended up talking for awhile and Colleen and I started flirting with eachother. The night ended with the two of us making out on a park bench and promising to meet each other again. Within a week, the two of us were dating and it continued for nearly 2 years.

There are alot more details in there, but that is the basic story.
 
Ah, but that means it's not so much "met her in a park" as, "met her through a friend". Seems that the location really doesn't contribute anything to the context of the story, it's not like she was a complete stranger after all.
 
Eniko said:
Ah, but that means it's not so much "met her in a park" as, "met her through a friend". Seems that the location really doesn't contribute anything to the context of the story, it's not like she was a complete stranger after all.
Click to expand...


I went right up and introdusced myself, there wasn't much input from my friends in the matter. I guess the fact that mutural friends were around did help the interactions start, but they had very little to do with anything in the long run. (actualy, all of thouse friends said that we shouldn't date at the time...too bad I didn't listen to them.)
 
Eniko said:
"Hey, you wanna go play?" usually doesn't go over well when you're an adult though.
Click to expand...

Why not? It works. I've watched two or three guys go out to the park to toss a Frisbee or football around and they gather up to 15 more people by just asking passerbys if they want to play. People like to feel involved, like they are acknowledged, and like they can contribute something. Those are some pretty basic needs you have at your disposal. The worst thing that can happen is someone says "no".
 
thataway said:
Hm.

I've only really met one person just going out and doing something. We met at a bar, and it was an interesting enough friendship while it lasted but it wasn't of any special quality and didn't last once he graduated and moved away.

Actually, now that I think about it, anyone else I've "met" by simply going to the book store or running errands was just hitting on me and creeped me out.

Lasting friends and boyfriends I've all met via classes taken together, mutual clubs joined, or living situation.

Yeah. I don't buy the whole "go outside and you'll meet people without trying" thing either. I go to a school with 26,000 people and walk across campus every day, passing by thousands in the process. I should have a enough friends to last a lifetime by now.

That said, if I'm bored and antsy, it does feel good to at least go into town and pick up some food or coffee and be a part of society, however briefly and unproductively.
Click to expand...

I often 'go out' to coffee shops/parks just to get out of isolation and feel like I am a part of society.
 
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ketsugi, you bring the pliers, I'll disable the security system.
 
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