Friend Zone

Sloshy Joshy

Sloshy Joshy

Newbie
MBTI
INFJ
I love being nice to everyone (if they deserve it) and making people feel good, but it ALWAYS works against you as a guy. I've been told by far too many girls they only want to be my friend. I suspect there isn't much worse.

Right now there's a girl I can't get out of my head and we're "friends." And while I know I should probably just move on with things, I still find I enjoy being around her.

I know I'm forever confined in this situation with her, but surely someone has successfully left 'friend zone' and made it into something else...

Who else out there has been friend zoned?
 
Common problem for infj men (and women, from my experience)... I know how you feel, but can't help you:) I am there also:)
 
Try to see it as an advantage. Friendships can last a lifetime. It all depends on your perspective of course, but as I see it, being viewed as friendship material is a great blessing. I think friendship is undervalued in our society, whilst far too much emphasis is placed on romantic relationships. If you consider how short lived we are, and that the sexual years of our lives are only one stage, you can begin to develop an appreciation of the value of friendships. To have people to share your journey for as long as either one of you is alive - if you are prepared to work at it - whether friends for life - or romance for as long as it blooms - and then the friendship which follows... well think about it. You are already at an advantage to those guys who girls would rather date and ditch than build a meaningful friendship with. :)
 
What I find attractive about INFJs is how artsy, sensitive, creative, deep, intelligent and independent they can be. Maybe you could open up to her a little and make her somewhat aware of this other side of you. Maybe she just hasn't seen all these things before because she only just seen you as being a supportive friend as opposed a fascinating and independent person she could both learn from and be supported by.
Sorting people ppl into the just friends category has never been a problem that I've had. In fact all the guy friends I've had I developed an attraction for except 1 or 2 but that's because their personalities and mine weren't truly compatible.
 
I think the trick is, is to just be yourself. It's cheesy, yes, but if you start to act awkward then nothing will ever improve. Find subtle ways to be together, like go out to a theme park or something with other friends. You may not be alone, but at least you'll have fun and you can express yourself and she'll be attracted to who you are. Best of luck. ^^
 
Sloshy Joshy said:
I love being nice to everyone (if they deserve it) and making people feel good, but it ALWAYS works against you as a guy. I've been told by far too many girls they only want to be my friend. I suspect there isn't much worse.

Right now there's a girl I can't get out of my head and we're "friends." And while I know I should probably just move on with things, I still find I enjoy being around her.

I know I'm forever confined in this situation with her, but surely someone has successfully left 'friend zone' and made it into something else...

Who else out there has been friend zoned?
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You gotta make a move dude, the longer you put it off the harder it will be. She might get upset but at least you tried, just make the move.
 
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BTW the solution is - don't go into friend zone
 
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Tamagochi, I have to say that made me laugh so hard!
 
Used to happen to me ALL the time when I was younger and more introverted. Now I'm more honest about my intentions from the beginning. Innuendo has a way of doing that, but its really the honesty that counts. You need woman to view you from the MOMENT THEY MEET YOU as a man with sexual interest in them, not just a friendly interest. That makes you automatically avoid the friend zone. If they're not interested, you move on, you didn't want to be in the friend zone anyway. If they are interested, :m059: .
 
Nausus said:
I think the trick is, is to just be yourself. It's cheesy, yes, but if you start to act awkward then nothing will ever improve. Find subtle ways to be together, like go out to a theme park or something with other friends. You may not be alone, but at least you'll have fun and you can express yourself and she'll be attracted to who you are. Best of luck. ^^
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I think this is the wrong approach. This is how you get INTO the friend zone. Tell her you want to go to the theme park with HER! If she suggests making it a bigger thing, just tell her that's not really what you meant. (You know, because it actually isn't what you meant.) She'll get the picture quickly, and then you get your positive/negative reaction and can proceed from there. Being too worried about getting shut down immediately will ALWAYS get you shut down over time.
 
I've been friend zoned too many times. Its actually just a socially acceptable way of rejecting someone without taking responsibility for that rejection. I've gotten this EVEN WHEN it was apparent from the beginning that I was interested in the girl romantically. I hate it because I'd much rather the woman just say "Sorry, I'm not interested", instead of pretending to be my "friend".

The problem isn't that you're getting "friend zoned" because you're too nice or whatever. The problem is that they are not interested in you period and want to put the blame on you ("you're too nice") instead of admitting that they just don't like you because that would hurt your feelings.

Friend zoning is an act of bad faith; it lets a person reject another without having to admit that they dislike an aspect of that person. Really what it comes down to is that person doesn't like some aspect of themselves, and because they're afraid to touch that aspect of themselves by admitting why they don't like someone, they avoid the issue all together. They are refusing to take responsibility for the negative aspects of themselves.

So, I don't believe in the friend zone. You either like a person or you don't, but in either case, you are responsible for whether or not you like that person.
 
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Nausus said:
Tamagochi, I have to say that made me laugh so hard!
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that was legend!

I am believer that friend zone only exists when one person realises that he/she doesn't see the other friend in a romantic way. I remember I went out a girl we were friends for a year and a half before hand! My advice get yourself the brown feather get some mario wings and make the leap and try and ask her out!
 
Well sometimes girls like me go for the almost impossibly nice guys.


And he said he only liked me as a friend. It works both ways, my friend, but I can see how that would be a disadvantage.
 
Just so we're clear, I did make a move awhile back ago. We had a long talk about it, but here we are, years later, in the same position.

Whoever said open up to her, I did that. She probably knows me better than most people I know.

I'm not even mad about it anymore. I don't worry about women much these days as my main focus is on improving my life and making a difference with the time I have left. Still, it would be nice...haha
 
I've set up a tent in the friend zone.

But seriously. It gets old -- everyone I like doesn't like me back, and everyone I don't have much interest in likes me almost too much (think stalker)
 
Sloshy Joshy said:
Just so we're clear, I did make a move awhile back ago. We had a long talk about it, but here we are, years later, in the same position.

Whoever said open up to her, I did that. She probably knows me better than most people I know.

I'm not even mad about it anymore. I don't worry about women much these days as my main focus is on improving my life and making a difference with the time I have left. Still, it would be nice...haha
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I suffer from the same fate. Except for my situation is a lil different...You see 'I'll always be 'one of the guys'. I like playing video games, i like man flicks, I watch porn with them, etc. The problem? I'M A CHICK! As soon as I mention any of these hobbies I'm totally stuck in the 'man zone.

I'm what you call the 'perfect girl...(SEE THE VIDEO)
[YOUTUBE]<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/D4eeVuapHmU&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/D4eeVuapHmU&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>[/YOUTUBE]

I say don't try so hard. You have a good plan you got there though. A man with a plan is a total chick magnet. So I won't worry about it too much
 
I have a desolate little house on friend zone lane.

Haha okay sorry emotional tangent. But I have friend zoned guys I like as well. I don't usually lead them on, though. I'll tell them immediately. It's not for superficial reasons either, but as as an infj, I have some pretty tough expectations.

I don't want to make this my excuse, but the fact that I am black and I typically don't fall for black guys doesn't really help my situation. Not everyone is comfortable with interracial dating/relationships.
 
midnightmelody said:
I have a desolate little house on friend zone lane.

Haha okay sorry emotional tangent. But I have friend zoned guys I like as well. I don't usually lead them on, though. I'll tell them immediately. It's not for superficial reasons either, but as as an infj, I have some pretty tough expectations.

I don't want to make this my excuse, but the fact that I am black and I typically don't fall for black guys doesn't really help my situation. Not everyone is comfortable with interracial dating/relationships.
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FINALLY someone understand me!. I'm a filipina and its to be expected that filipina girls like me date filipino boys.BUT I can't imagine myself dating just within my race lol..it's limiting.
My friend, men come is all sorts of flavors. We gotta try different ones eh?
 
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