For OLDER nf's
- Thread starter GracieRuth
- Start date
Not an NF but here's my 2 cents. I think the impact of technology is significant. While we now can broaden our horizons and reach lots of different people in the world, we are also seeing people becoming less engaged in real life. There is a definate difference in talking/interacting in real life than online. I think younger people are less patient because they are used to "instant' results. I fear that people are not developing coping skills for disappointment. I would have never believed a classmate would bring a gun to school and kill people. I see that as a socialization problem manifested by lack of interpersonal skills and coping mechanisms. It amazes me to see people playing with their phones when a real life human being is right in front of them.
I see it like this. At some point in life you are going to with confronted with the inconvenient truth that not only the world is beyond saving, it really doesn't want to be saved. Your options are: 1) Be bitter about it and spend the rest of your remaining days mired in misery about things you cannot change, 2) Take up Buddhism (or engage in some other activity that forces self honesty and reflection) and somewhere along the way realize that the problem isn't the world--it's you--and readjust accordingly.
Edit: Perhaps you didn't save the world, but there's no one from stopping you from donating your time or financial support to an organization that is working on it at this very moment.
Edit: Perhaps you didn't save the world, but there's no one from stopping you from donating your time or financial support to an organization that is working on it at this very moment.
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Older or not, here's my two cents. I've lost my social ambition. I realise that the changes or differences I could've made 15-20 years ago are not likely because of my experiences and changes in the world. As I get older, I lose my idealism and don't expect things to work exactly the way I would like. I am more understanding of the world. I spend more time trying to understand who I am, where I live, and how our society is changing, and how best to adapt or adjust. I find that resisting the changes that our culture has made is futile. But today, I realise that making a difference is an individual project. I don't do things for personal recognition of my ability or to accomplish great things. I focus instead on where I can actually make a difference or have some sort of positive impact than trying to change the world. I think I was one of those who wanted to storm the gates and demand change. Now, I'm more for a quieter approach. At one point, I would've wanted to be the person who stood out of the crowd and demanded people change . . . figuratively of course, since I have not the courage unfortunately 
. Today, I focus more on making contributions in areas where I can, rather than insisting or forcing a sort of "listen to me!" approach that I once embraced. *reminisces*
I say, make a difference by being the best you that you can be. The change you bring to a person or situation may not be conscious or intentional. Just by doing what you do best and living your best self or life, you can make someone's life much better.
. Today, I focus more on making contributions in areas where I can, rather than insisting or forcing a sort of "listen to me!" approach that I once embraced. *reminisces* I say, make a difference by being the best you that you can be. The change you bring to a person or situation may not be conscious or intentional. Just by doing what you do best and living your best self or life, you can make someone's life much better.
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Making a positive difference in the lives of others is enough to realize you are making a contribution to the greater good. I remember being young and wanting to save the world, and then realized it was a feat possible by small gestures and kindness. It is far more logical for anyone to say "I cannot save the world, but I can better the life of at least one person."
I've been pondering this question, but am not sure exactly what the answer would be.
Can you elaborate?
I can only speak for myself. I graduated in 1979, and I never ever saw or heard of anyone bringing a gun to school!
When someone would bring a knife like a switch blade to school that was a big deal!
And there were social cliques then as there are now. Bullies, outcasts, geeks, freaks, jocks, stoners. (which was me)
I think it is a lack of coping skills people aren't being taught at a very early age.
I don't know..(shakes head.)
Yea [MENTION=1355]MindYourHead[/MENTION]
I graduated from high school in 1987. We didn't have metal detectors or anything like that at the schools I attended or practice lock downs. It wasn't unheard of to see fighting but they were usually fair fights--no double teaming and whatnot--hell, they usually planned the fight rather than just jump each other. I never heard of any of my classmates having a gun (I'm sure some did) and like I said, I never felt unsafe in school.
Indeed, there were cliques in my high school. I hung with lots of different people (except the jocks) and was a bit of a loner. Hum, not much has changed. I was never really stuck on fitting into any crowd.
I have a theory about it. I know, surprise! I remember the push in grade school when my sibs were younger was all about "everybody wins" and devaluing competition. I think that is just not how the real world works. I see competition as healthy in the sense that it teaches you to challenge yourself and grow as an individual. Giving "awards" to everyone sounds like a good idea but I also think it stunts a child's ability to learn how to cope with disappointment.
I graduated from high school in 1987. We didn't have metal detectors or anything like that at the schools I attended or practice lock downs. It wasn't unheard of to see fighting but they were usually fair fights--no double teaming and whatnot--hell, they usually planned the fight rather than just jump each other. I never heard of any of my classmates having a gun (I'm sure some did) and like I said, I never felt unsafe in school.
Indeed, there were cliques in my high school. I hung with lots of different people (except the jocks) and was a bit of a loner. Hum, not much has changed. I was never really stuck on fitting into any crowd.
I have a theory about it. I know, surprise! I remember the push in grade school when my sibs were younger was all about "everybody wins" and devaluing competition. I think that is just not how the real world works. I see competition as healthy in the sense that it teaches you to challenge yourself and grow as an individual. Giving "awards" to everyone sounds like a good idea but I also think it stunts a child's ability to learn how to cope with disappointment.
I graduated in 1986, and the only time you saw guns in school was on an ABC Afterschool Special, or on a "lesson" sitcom (i.e., "Diff'rent Strokes," "Facts of Life," etc). No one was dumb enough to do it, though.
I wonder if part of that problem stems from neglect at home and the whole, "you can't fight back" thing. Little kids used to duke it out on the playground - and while that sounds bad, at least it didn't happen often. And when someone complained about a bully, there were consequences for it at home. Fights for little kids at school was normal, but then the principal knew parents would correct their children at home, while explaining why that behavior wasn't a good idea.
Nowadays, no one is at home or no one has time to discipline the kids. The school is supposed to do it now. So when you have child with a lot of rage inside of him or her, and they don't know how to deal with it, they can't fight it out, they can't tell anyone about it, they get in trouble for writing it out creatively and the only message they hear is "tell your teacher" (i.e., snitch and get a bigger beating for being a coward) I can see why they explode in violence. Schools should invest in more clubs that help kids work out their anger creatively - like boxing, karate, track & field, etc for kids who *don't* make the teams. I think it could help.
Me, I used to write really violent stories in high school. Today, I would've been locked up and labeled for it. I think the problem comes from several sources, but it starts at home.
I wonder if part of that problem stems from neglect at home and the whole, "you can't fight back" thing. Little kids used to duke it out on the playground - and while that sounds bad, at least it didn't happen often. And when someone complained about a bully, there were consequences for it at home. Fights for little kids at school was normal, but then the principal knew parents would correct their children at home, while explaining why that behavior wasn't a good idea.
Nowadays, no one is at home or no one has time to discipline the kids. The school is supposed to do it now. So when you have child with a lot of rage inside of him or her, and they don't know how to deal with it, they can't fight it out, they can't tell anyone about it, they get in trouble for writing it out creatively and the only message they hear is "tell your teacher" (i.e., snitch and get a bigger beating for being a coward) I can see why they explode in violence. Schools should invest in more clubs that help kids work out their anger creatively - like boxing, karate, track & field, etc for kids who *don't* make the teams. I think it could help.
Me, I used to write really violent stories in high school. Today, I would've been locked up and labeled for it. I think the problem comes from several sources, but it starts at home.
I agree @arbygil
My mom used to say that if she hadn't instilled anything in us by the time we were 12 it was too late because children start to turn from their parent's influence toward their peer's at that time. My mom wasn't "strict" but she was demanding. We could run around, scream, yell, act crazy at home but were expected to behave out in public. I had friends growing up whose parents would have such strict rules for home life--it was no wonder they acted like baboons at school/in public.
My mom used to say that if she hadn't instilled anything in us by the time we were 12 it was too late because children start to turn from their parent's influence toward their peer's at that time. My mom wasn't "strict" but she was demanding. We could run around, scream, yell, act crazy at home but were expected to behave out in public. I had friends growing up whose parents would have such strict rules for home life--it was no wonder they acted like baboons at school/in public.
Oh? My mom wears bright yellow socks because she doesn't care what color her outfit is. My mom is naive and can't get dirty jokes because her mind just doesn't go there. My mom is smart, attracts men like crazy and a total flirt. She is also a honkey tonk woman and a mean pool shark. However, when I was growing up, when mom says you better do something...you better do it or face her wrath and she wasn't afraid to make you cry! She had "the look" down pat. *shivers*
i can relate to the yellow socks. does that count? hahaha
i meant in the way she was demanding rather than strict. i gave my kids a lot of room to be individuals, to express their child-ness, (is that a word?). there were things that i demanded they adhere to however, and those things were not negotiable. conducting themselves properly in public was one of them.
i didn't ground my kids because i felt that was a bigger punishment for me than them, so instead i used to make them write me an essay on what they did and why they shouldn't have and what they learned from the experience.
man they hated that. they begged to be whipped instead lol
my daughter says i have the look too. i dunno. that's just my regular face, i say.