Father/Child relationship. | INFJ Forum

Father/Child relationship.

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by slant, Jan 7, 2010.

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  1. slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    What was your father like?

    Share one good memory about him.

    Share one bad memory about him.

    If he wasn't involved in your life, why?

    Was he involved? What did he do?
     
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  2. Raccoon Love

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    What was your father like?

    Hmm very strict, he criticizes mostly every single action I do, close minded and very conservatie, basically my complete opposite. He follows traditions and society expectations a lot, he believes in the importance of having many friends, being down to earth, not getting emotions in nay sort of argument..he's a lot into gender roles and he hates the fact that I do not meet this but w/e, he likes starting conflict out of the blue.

    Share one good memory about him.

    When I was younger probobly and he would take me outside to buy an ice cream, at this time he did not hated my persona so much or resented having me so our relation was ok.

    Share one bad memory about him.

    I would prefer not to search this, most of the time I just ignore him but when he gets really pissed he does things I do not want to be reminded of.

    If he wasn't involved in your life, why?

    No, he says Im a lost case, and that the way im going I would never get far, I want to prove this is not true which is why Im taking as many hard classes in HS as possible.
     
    #2 Raccoon Love, Jan 7, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2010
  3. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    He taught me how to throw a football (over them mountains)
    volatile
    divorce/ I need time to think before I visit him now
    Eh, kinda. He berated a quest for knowledge into me.
     
  4. OP
    slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    Was your dad finacially responsible?

    Was your dad emotionally involved?

    Was your dad neglectful?

    Was your dad physically abusive?

    etc.
     
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  5. Moxie

    Moxie Absent-Minded Professor

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    My birth father was a sex offender, drug addict and alcoholic. This is true. I have no good memories, but lots of creeepy ones. He is still wanted by the law, happily (one assumes) abusing young girls wherever he is.

    My adopted dad on the other hand, was not abusive in any way, is financially responsible, but not at all emotionally involved, I wish he was, because I think that even though I'm in my 30's, I could still learn a lot of good stuff from him.

    I was only with his family though for 4 years, so I don't think his connection with me is as strong as my connection with him.
     
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  6. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Was your dad finacially responsible? Usually. If I personally asked him for anything, he gave it.. But when I was a kid he used to mess my mom over on child support.

    Was your dad emotionally involved? In his own way, yes.

    Was your dad neglectful? No.

    Was your dad physically abusive? Not to me.

    etc.
     
  7. midnightmelody

    midnightmelody nagging for truth

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    The only thing I'll state is that I've only heard him say I love you to me under 20 times in my whole life (that's really not much if you think about it, almost less then once a year), and he grimaces whenever he has to hug me unless it is as at church.

    All hail king of masquerade ball.
     
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  8. Raccoon Love

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    Was your dad finacially responsible? Yes

    Was your dad emotionally involved? No

    Was your dad neglectful? Yes

    Was your dad physically abusive? Yes
     
  9. Milon

    Milon Director of Glomps
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    What was your father like?
    Strict, conservative, understands his point of view, but not those of others (at least during heated exchange). Mostly fair, hardworking, considered a great man by most people. Of the "spare the rod, spoil the child" mentality. Physically chronically ill, causing himself and his loved ones a lot of frustration.

    Share one good memory about him.
    I just recently went back to school. My Dad was so proud and happy he cried. :)

    Share one bad memory about him.
    I have many childhood memories of doing something I thought would help my Dad - doing it just because I thought it'd help him - but he saw it from a different angle, and it was a problem for him, and he took it out on me. :(

    If he wasn't involved in your life, why?
    He really wanted to be. But he didn't understand me. And I highly suspect that was majorly contributed to by his chronic illness. :(

    Was he involved? What did he do?
    As much as he could be... which wasn't nearly what I wanted...

    EDIT: My Dad gives good hugs, and tells me he loves me. I think the main barrier between him and I is that he just doesn't know me at all. And maybe he can't. :(
     
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    #9 Milon, Jan 7, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2010
    Raccoon Love likes this.
  10. Moxie

    Moxie Absent-Minded Professor

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    Why are you asking Slant? It's a good idea for a thread, I'm just curious.
     
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  11. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    What was your father like?

    My father was a fucking prick when I was young and got promoted to asshole throughout my teens. Now he is okay but only because he is old and ill. Extremely introverted, doesn't talk much. I really don't know anything about his history or family. He did quite well for himself immigrating to the UK in the 70's from Mauritius, working as a Psychiatric nurse. He is very stern, irritable and cheap. Although around people outside of family he seems quite passive and gentle. I don't know anything more about him.

    Share one good memory about him.

    Hmm. That's a hard one. He did stand up to a trio of teenage girls who stole my ball in a park once. I was getting bullied by them and he went up to them grabbed the ball and had a go at them. That was pretty awesome.

    Share one bad memory about him.

    When I was really young he would flip from total raging lunatic to Mr. Nice guy. That was really fucked up to witness.

    Was he involved? What did he do?

    He provided the financial support I guess.
     
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  12. RecklessDreamer

    RecklessDreamer Permanent Fixture

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    What was your father like?
    He is a weekend warrior. A best-friend dad. Never gives much discipline, on the contrary he supplies my smoking and drinking habits. He is fun. But he has never given me structure or stability. He isn't dependable at all. He doesn't pay child support, my mom had to get his wages garnished. He is irresponsible. He is needy. He has never lived alone.
    Share one good memory about him.
    When I was little, he took me to Hooters for my birthday. It was fun. Wait, is that a good memory?
    Share one bad memory about him.
    Almost every time it's his visitation.... he always asks me to get a ride to his house because "he just can't do it". Oh, but he REALLY wants to see me.
    If he wasn't involved in your life, why?
    I'm not sure whether or not to answer this.
    Was he involved? What did he do?
    He gave me an outlet from my mother.
     
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  13. RecklessDreamer

    RecklessDreamer Permanent Fixture

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    Was your dad finacially responsible? No

    Was your dad emotionally involved? No

    Was your dad neglectful? Yes

    Was your dad physically abusive? No
     
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  14. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    What was your father like?

    Didn't really have one. My mother had a boyfriend who was rather abusive towards me.

    Share one good memory about him.

    Don't have any. My mom's b/f took me to see the Little Mermaid and get ice cream when I was little.

    Share one bad memory about him.

    Don't have any. My mom's b/f threw me across the room into a wall once.

    If he wasn't involved in your life, why?

    Dunno. My mom said that she told him to leave about 3 months before I was born. I guess he just wasn't that interested in raising a kid.
     
  15. under skies

    under skies Community Member

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    What was your father like?

    In public, gregarious and modestly self-satisfied. At home, intimidating and definitely the stereotypical man-of-the-house type.

    Share one good memory about him.

    It's weird trying to think of one now. All I can honestly remember about him is how uncomfortable he made me.

    Share one bad memory about him.

    I'd really rather not talk about it.

    If he wasn't involved in your life, why?

    He was around until my parents divorced. Then, my mother and I moved to another town about five hours away, and I didn't make much of an effort to contact him because I was 13 and shy and not all that close to him to begin with. He didn't make much effort to contact me, he'd say, because I didn't make much effort to contact him.

    Was he involved? What did he do?

    I really don't even know what to say. Umm... My dad tried to help me with homework and stuff, I guess, but he never really was much use. I asked him to help me with my homework once when I was about 12 (it was one of those, "Train A is going X mph, and Train B is going X mph..." questions), and I knew he was doing the problem wrong, but I just didn't know how to do the problem correctly. When I tried to explain that to him, he got very mad, and I ended up having to sit on a footstool in the living room that night for about 3 hours with my back to the television while he just sort of intermittently stared at me and then the TV and rambled on about how I was a very "ungrateful" child.
     
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  16. tovlo

    Site Supporter

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    What was your father like? Extroverted and optimistic (ESFJ?); hard working, but downtime was also important; accepting and loving, but didn't understand introversion.

    Share one good memory about him.
    Taking a break from tiring physical work to share a soda and some conversation with him.

    Share one bad memory about him. I can't think of one specifically, but a generalized experience of being poked at and teased in his efforts to toughen me up and get me out of my shell.

    If he wasn't involved in your life, why? Only to the degree his attentions were focused on other areas

    Was he involved? What did he do? He gained custody of my brother and I after our parents divorced, which was very unusual for the time.

    Was your dad finacially responsible? Kind of. He was a huge optimist. He dreamed big capitalist dreams and then fell hard when they collapsed in on themselves. One line I remember from him was, "The money will come from somewhere." Thing is, it always did.

    Was your dad emotionally involved?
    Yes. He loved me and I knew it. Yet I believe he also experienced social pain on my behalf, I think for my quietness and social sensitivity, and that emotion was harder to deal with because of how it led him to act out with me.

    Was your dad neglectful? Kind of. We had a wicked stepmother for 7 years of our childhood and he ignored community warnings to him about how she was with us behind his back for many years before finally divorcing her. After he divorced her I went on to college, but he became very involved in his own social life and, as I understand it, basically left my brother in a house alone with a stocked refrigerator. My brother definitely got more of the neglect side than I did.

    Was your dad physically abusive? No, not at all.
     
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  17. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    What was your father like? INFJ - quiet and peaceful. (My mother is also INFJ and quiet and peaceful).

    Share one good memory about him. We went camping and gorged ourselves on blackberries that were growing there.

    Share one bad memory about him. Don't really have any... the time he almost cut off his thumb by accident - I really freaked out.

    If he wasn't involved in your life, why?
    N/A.

    Was he involved? What did he do? We would go out on barbeques or to the coast almost every single weekend.

    Was your dad finacially responsible? Very - he's a little tight with money, except on birthdays, Christmas, patron saint's days etc.

    Was your dad emotionally involved? Yes, although, by example I've learnt that it is best to keep one's emotions somewhat under wrap around women and non-family members.

    Was your dad neglectful? No.

    Was your dad physically abusive? No, except he could give a very good spanking if we were rude to Mom.
     
  18. aeon

    aeon Ooh, a bunny!
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    • What was your father like?

      In possession of the gift of gab, friendly and engaging if at times socially unaware, often aloof, full of ideas without much follow-through, values his unstructured relaxation time, most often chooses passive-aggressive compliance as opposed to outright refusal, history buff, values knowledge, enjoys a beer but never to the point of intoxication, encouraging in those areas he values, joking without teasing, spacey, poor listener. For the most part, easy-going, which meets more than a few of my needs.

    • Share one good memory about him.

      When I was small, he and my mother were separated for a time, and during this period I lived with him. I have fond memories of the morning time when he would be getting ready for work and I would be getting ready for school. I was around 4 years of age. I remember it being both chaotic and structured.

    • Share one bad memory about him.

      Once after a particularly bad beating (concussion, face swollen, bruised, and lacerated) from my mother, he came home from work at the usual time, saw me and had a shocked looked on his face. That said, he never said a thing to me, no questions were asked (that I was aware of), and nothing was done on my behalf.

    • If he wasn't involved in your life, why?

      To the degree he was not was because of his basic nature as it concerns being in his head as opposed to in the world, and also because of his fear of my mother, and his desire for things to be "ok." To achieve that required a fair amount of "checking out."

    • Was he involved? What did he do?

      He encouraged my academic performance in school. He constantly found new employment as part of career advancement such that we moved all the time.

    • Was your dad financially responsible?

      Fairly so, yes. There were difficulties as it concerns money when I was a child, but that was due to things beyond his (or anyone's) control.

    • Was your dad emotionally involved?

      Not particularly. His display of emotion was restricted to cheerful, passive-aggressive crankiness, and explosive anger when his frustration level passed a certain threshold.

    • Was your dad neglectful?

      He never did a thing to end the physical violence present in our family's home, so in that way, most certainly yes. To the degree he was aloof and/or spacey, yes. Other than that, no.

    • Was your dad physically abusive?

      Never.


    cheers,
    Ian
     
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  19. OP
    slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    I was trying to gage how my father was in comparison to others' but as Tim has pointed out to me this is a rather inaccurate method.
     
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  20. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    Who is Tim?
     
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