Extrovert/introvert | INFJ Forum

Extrovert/introvert

silentlullaby

silentlullaby

Newbie
Aug 25, 2010
22
2
0
MBTI
xNFx
Enneagram
6
Hi. :)

I keep reading about introverts trying to be more extroverted. I'm an enneagram 6 and an xNFx and I would Love to be more introverted. (I tried a google search. It actually changed my search that read "How extroverts can be more introverted" to "How introverts can be more extroverted".)

I think I'm an ambivert.

Ways I'm introverted: I prefer one on one interaction over groups. I'm a homebody. I require one or two close friends who I can have deep discussions with. I'm quite introspective. Making small talk drains me, but I was taught to be good at it, and I am. I do it for business and when necessary.

Ways I'm extroverted: I have to talk things out out-loud in order to think clearly. (I've started journaling as much as possible to help me work things out more independently.) I seem to need stimulation often (for example, I find I change the radio dial frequently, and I get excited about new books or music arriving from the library. From reading books on introverts, I take that to mean I enjoy change and stimulation--an extroverted trait). I like making people feel good about themselves, and I enjoy listening to people's stories. (I am learning, though, that I often find this very draining at times, at other times I find it energizing, particularly if I feel I've helped someone by listening to them. Chatting about nothing of deep significance drains me.) I used to open up to others quickly (I've become much more private and discreet. I used to open up to others to let them know it was ok to open to me. Not sure if the motivation matters?)

I've been told I have ADD/ADHD combination. I believe this may explain why I see myself as an ambivert (I've also read enneagram 6 has a tendency to be both as well).

I'd love to hear from any introverts here who have suggestions on ways to look inward, conserve my energy, and be more introverted in general.

I hope no one minds this post. Also, I'm new here, so if I put my post in the wrong category, feel free to move it.

Thanks! :)

sl
 
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Hi, SilentLullaby, and welcome. You'll find a lot of good people here and a lot of diversity. We have some non-INFJs, which is fine with me, but I am continually amazed by the diversity in the group of INFJs. Different perspectives are way cool.
I could be wrong, but I don't think you'll find anyone here who is 100% introvert or extrovert, if such a thing exists. I am introverted unless I am with people I know well. I've only been here a week over three months, and have made some good friends.
We all seem to be searchers. If we quit doing that, there may not be any hope for us. People around here tend to accept you as you are, so relax and have fun, and get to know everyone!
 
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Journaling is a good start.

I would say that if you are interested in conserving your energy that you should consider meditation. You don't have to do a sitting meditation for it to work either; you just have to reach a state where your mind is focused on just one thing, be it a sound, a visualization, whatever.

One thing I'm less confident about working is observation in social situations. Pretend that you are an outside observer watching to understand what the people must be feeling, why they say what they say, what assumptions they've made about others, or more objectively where people are probably misunderstanding or misrepresenting ideas.

Also, keep a lot of stuff to ponder over helps, I think. If you read a lot, (fiction or nonfiction, as long as it's fresh information), you'll have lots of material to introspect about. I'm not sure if this actually makes you more introverted though; upon reflection it seems it's just a temporary diversion of attention, especially if such activity is draining to you.

Also, I second deadred on introversion and acceptance.
 
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hello sl and welcome to the forums!

do you by chance know if your 5 wing is your dominant wing? the reason i ask is because this statment feels fivish to me:

I'd love to hear from any introverts here who have suggestions on ways to look inward, conserve my energy, and be more introverted in general
Click to expand...

perhaps reading up on the five personality may give you suggestions or insight into living this way (i am actually a 5 myself). heres a decent overview of type 5

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/TypeFiveOverview.asp

goodluck!
 
silentlullaby said:
I'd love to hear from any introverts here who have suggestions on ways to look inward, conserve my energy, and be more introverted in general.

I hope no one minds this post. Also, I'm new here, so if I put my post in the wrong category, feel free to move it.
Click to expand...

But why do you want to be more introverted?? Just be who you are, don't over-analyze yourself, you're lucky you have extroverted traits or are a mix, as extroverts dominate the world and the world is catered to them.

I'm an extreme introvert but I can't tell someone how to be more introverted.
 
I wouldn't take getting excited by new media (ex books) as, by itself, evidence of extroversion. A new book will make your average introvert (this one included) VERY excited.

This may seem overly simplistic, but you would really benefit, in a old-jungian sense, from building up Ni, Fi, Si, and Ti. For examples of those, look for the thread that was around recently about 'exercising the functions', or something like that. Can't remember the exact thread but there was a linked document with an example of an exercise you could do for each function.

At a more general leve, I really covet time to be alone with a book, an album that makes me cry, time to think about a bizarre theory, or time to sit down with a sketch book and just absorb the world.
 
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To me it is about where you gain energy or what consumes your energy. I come across moderately extroverted but am introverted. The way I know this is because I need my alone time to recharge my batteries. Others exhaust me. I find the peace and balance in my life by just immersing myself in my own world and shutting out others--not to an extreme. Extroverts garner energy by being around others. I don't think you really get to pick and choose how your spirit energizes itself. To me, introversion is about being in tune with and getting energy from inside yourself. Conversely, extroversion is about being in tune with and getting energy from outside yourself.
 
From what I gathered MBTI isnt to make you even out each of the dichotomies, it is to help you identify what dichotomy you are a part of and then to excel in that area. To use the parts you are not naturally good at is draining.

Since you are an extrovert you are supposedly getting energy from extroverted activites. You can absolutely do introverted things but it will sap your energy.

That is how it was explained to me anyway.
 
corndogman said:
From what I gathered MBTI isnt to make you even out each of the dichotomies, it is to help you identify what dichotomy you are a part of and then to excel in that area. To use the parts you are not naturally good at is draining.

Since you are an extrovert you are supposedly getting energy from extroverted activites. You can absolutely do introverted things but it will sap your energy.

That is how it was explained to me anyway.
Click to expand...

That's exactly it.
 
Ecton said:
I wouldn't take getting excited by new media (ex books) as, by itself, evidence of extroversion. A new book will make your average introvert (this one included) VERY excited.
Click to expand...

I'm a pretty strong introvert and I get extremely jazzed by new books, songs, etc. I always thought it was P trait, but I see a lot of J's have it too. Possibly just human nature.

Sonyab said:
Extroverts garner energy by being around others. I don't think you really get to pick and choose how your spirit energizes itself.
Click to expand...

corndogman said:
Since you are an extrovert you are supposedly getting energy from extroverted activites. You can absolutely do introverted things but it will sap your energy.
Click to expand...

I agree. I tried for over a decade to be an extravert ... and even became successful at immitating one. The mechanics of it were relatively smooth, but they drained a tremendous amount of energy from me. I eventually self-destructed and reverted back to my introversion. I found a profession that did not require extraversion and am much happier now. I guess the point is to embrace your natural gifts and try to go with them. Also, the world does seem to be tailored more towards extraverts, so you'll have an easier time of it with that ;)

If you do have a burning desire to introspect more, then try to find something that puts you in "the zone." Where you lose yourself in what you're doing and lose all track of time. That is close to introversion.

Best of luck with your journey.
 
In what ways are you introspective?
 
I'm overwhelmed with all the responses here...I wasn't even sure I'd get any responses!

I'm reading "The Introvert Advantage" by Marti Olsen Laney, and it's very helpful so far. It seems I'm an ambivert, according to her test, as I suspected. In posting my question here, I was hoping to develop my introverted nature further. I didn't realize that being introverted or extroverted is entirely a person's natural preference, I thought it was both acquired and innate. I find being half introverted and half extroverted can be confusing at times, and I need to learn how to balance these opposing sides of myself.

I had being a sensitive person and being shy in situations confused with introversion/extroversion. I also had being decisive/indecisive, agressive/unassertive, and many other similar traits confused with introversion/extroversion. (For example, I mistakenly believed that being unassertive makes me more introverted, being shy at times and outgoing at other times makes me an ambivert, and being a highly sensitive person makes me introverted.)

I can see I still have a lot to learn before I sort it out all out.

Thanks :)
 
bagelriffic--

My husband is a 5w4 on the enneagram :) Based on the link you sent me, and other things I've read about 5's, I would definitely say I have a 5 wing. It seems to me that my 6 and 5 parts are often in conflict vying for my attention lol

What are some things you do to conserve your energy? What drains your energy?
 
corndogman--

Introspective: I spend a lot of time thinking about my motivations for things, what I value, dreaming or fantasizing about things, contemplating my beliefs, things like that.

On the other hand, as an enneagram 6, I'm a people pleaser and I become extrospective often to make sure others around me are ok with me being who I am.
 
What are some things you do to conserve your energy? What drains your energy?
Click to expand...

this is a tricky question for me as i have been "under construction" lately allowing myself to branch out more, become more 8ish so to speak which is a healthy direction to take as a 5.

before i began workin on myself, knowledge in anyway shape or form was what energized me. sometimes fiction books can do it but for the most part, mbti, enneagram, sociology and music were all areas i delved deeply into (for a 5, it doesn't matter what area they research, but usually one or two areas are emphasized), and this is where the majority of my stimulation came from. 5s are essentially afraid of becoming overwhelmed, so social contact is pretty much only when it is essential to do so. this means cutting off contacts, friends, and any unecessary responsibilities. i am not advising you to do this d: just saying how it worked with me.

if you are emphasizing balance then according to the diamond approach being a six, your heart point (and or soul child) can essentially be found at point 9, which may be a helpful point for you to research, but i don't want to suggest Striving to adopt these traits, because diamond approach encourages Allowing ourselves to be a certain way instead of actively pursuing it which can seem contradictory until the details are filled in. if you are interested in these details, dont be afraid to pm me i can fill you in on what i know.
 
This reminds me of a statement I learned in therapy for depression. "It isn't chicken or egg, but chicken and egg". Aren't we all blends of Jungian characteristics, and not just this or that, but this and that? The ideal for me would be to get everything within 45-55%, or within 5% of the midpoint of every characteristic. I would be hard to label, but I would have an even distribution of strength in all areas. I want breadth and depth, not eithor/or. Does that make any reasonable sense?
 
deadred said:
This reminds me of a statement I learned in therapy for depression. "It isn't chicken or egg, but chicken and egg". Aren't we all blends of Jungian characteristics, and not just this or that, but this and that? The ideal for me would be to get everything within 45-55%, or within 5% of the midpoint of every characteristic. I would be hard to label, but I would have an even distribution of strength in all areas. I want breadth and depth, not eithor/or. Does that make any reasonable sense?
Click to expand...

Makes perfect sense to me. This has been my unspoken goal throughout life. As a young person, I realized that I was quite introverted (newsflash in this extraverted nation), so I took measures to become more outgoing and actively pursued them for many years. I'm more reserved again now, but I still have some extraverted tools in my belt that I can pull out and use ... and I have absolutely zero anxiety around people.

Over a decade in the military gave my J a very good workout. I became more structured and organized, albeit sometimes painfully. I'm very grateful for this J infusion as it helps me with follow through and staying organized. Everything from paying bills on time, to managing money, to completing pet projects that I start, to being on time. It makes life much easier and adds needed balance to my effusive P.

I've worked on my S as well over the years, mostly by virtue of living in the S world. I think that most intutives have that balance or else they would not survive well in the concrete world.

I am currently working to strengthen my F ... particularly the Fe. It does come out, but it is raw and child like. I think I have some years to go before I can strike a good balance there.

I believe that balance can make one a stronger and happier person. Although I am guilty of it myself from time to time, falling too deep into a temperament stereotype can leave one narrow and lopsided.
 
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[MENTION=2715]deadred[/MENTION]: yep, makes sense.

All I want, though, is competence in the areas where I fall short, and then to excel at my preferred mode. Err, well at least at the functions I value.
 
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Hey dead, I can't remember where, but there are a lot of sites devoted to how types grow their other functions to attain balance as they age.
 
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