Ever cheated on your spouse? | INFJ Forum

Ever cheated on your spouse?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by sunny, Sep 12, 2010.

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  1. sunny

    sunny Newbie

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    I realize this is a dangerous topic, but I'm wondering if anyone will admit to this and be willing to tell me what happened to them. I have been married for 15 years and we have two kids. I had a male friend for the past few years and over the past summer I told him i was physically attracted to him. Eventually we had an affair.
    Whenever I'm around this guy I feel a strong electricity going through my body, which I have NEVER felt for my husband. My husband has always had stronger feelings for me than I've had for him. I've felt like he has convinced me to love him and do things for him over the years. Now I don't even know if I love him anymore.
    Anyway I am very conflicted over this whole thing! Any advice?
     
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  2. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    Talk with a counselor. The advice random people on the internet most likely cannot help you make sense of your emotions like a professional could. There are kids involved, and it is definitely not a decision to make hastily or lightly. Ask yourself why you are looking for outside relationships, what is not fulfilling about your marriage, what is fulfilling, and how your current relationship with your husband affects the relationships of your children.
     
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  3. jdftx

    jdftx Community Member

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    Simple questions that may help us give some advice... But, can you remember 15+ years ago to what made you attracted to your husband? Is he the same man since that period, or has he gradually or abruptly changed? And what of your new friend. What makes you attracted to him?
     
  4. jdftx

    jdftx Community Member

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    And I agree with MF. This forum may not be the best place to discuss this subject.
     
  5. Stu

    Stu Constipated
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    As a random internet person I feel fully qualified to answer this question. No, I have not.

    Furthermore, you never really know how much your feelings toward others are really projections of your own unresolved internal conflicts.

    Your resentments toward your husband and your passion for your friend may be symptomatic of deeper psychic conflicts. Find a psycho annalist and explore your unconscious before you throw your life into turmoil.
     
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  6. OP
    sunny

    sunny Newbie

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    Yes, I will go see a counselor. But thanks, I really appreciate all of your thoughts. I needed someone to talk to and we're like-minded right.
    I live in a tiny town and don't want to risk talking to anyone around here.
     
  7. Gaze

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    Thing is, as everyone says, see a counselor if you can since we don't know the details of your relationship or marriage from both sides.
     
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    #7 Gaze, Sep 12, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2010
  8. Norwich

    Norwich insistent
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    No, I've never cheated on my husband. And I can't even imagine how it must feel to have this sense that your spouse loves you more than you love him. I do know what is like to have children and to be forever concerned with their welfare. Your situation sounds anguishing. I can see why you wouldn't want to open up to anyone in your community. If it will help, I would be glad to listen and offer encouragement. However, I agree with Apostelytizer and MF, you should seek the advice of a counselor.
     
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  9. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    Your insurance should cover something like an evaluation and three visits if not more (if I'm not mistaken). I think it would be a good idea to do it by yourself, especially in the beginning. I definitely don't blame you for not wanting to talk with your community about it, it's not something you should have to talk about until you're ready. And when I mentioned the kids, I just meant that it's another part of the equation to think about. I personally do not think that parents should stay together simply for the benefit of children when there is no love in the home because kids learn how model their relationships off of what they observe, but I also think parents owe it not only to themselves but also their kids to try and make things work. I have no judgment about you or your relationship, and I truly do hope for you the best.
     
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  10. Stu

    Stu Constipated
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    Nothing wrong with going to another town, if you have an initial consult and tell her that you want to keep it out of your husbands sight for a while she will likely give you a break in the cost to keep the insurance out of it

    http://www.findingstone.com/jungdirectory.htm
     
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  11. OP
    sunny

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    Thank you mf and apostelytizer for your thoughtful suggestions. :)
     
  12. Bird

    Bird Happy Go Lucky

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    No.
     
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  13. OP
    sunny

    sunny Newbie

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    Trying to get an image to come up under my name on my postings...can't figure this out..
     
  14. Bird

    Bird Happy Go Lucky

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    [MENTION=3151]sunny[/MENTION]


    if you go to the User CP tab there will be a link called "edit avatar". I think that's what you want :)
     
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  15. Odyne

    Odyne ===========
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    You can use a URL or an image you have stored on your computer.
    Happy posting. =)
     
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  16. Barnabas

    Barnabas Time Lord

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    Find a counselor for at least no other reason then your children deserve it. I may not have a spouse, but I come from a broken family that easily could have been saved if they just put effort into it.

    This will hurt your children more then anyone else.
     
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  17. Matariki

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    As far as I go, no. I don't not have spouse nor a partner of any sort (I haven't even dated)

    But, :m173: moving along...

    I'm agreeing with Barnabas on this one.
    Although I do not come from a broken family I have certainly seen the results of one. Yes, especially for the sake of your children seek out a counselor.
    In situations like this, its the children that suffer the most.
     
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  18. DevilDoll

    DevilDoll Beware! I Bite...

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    I suggest seeing a counselor as well. I also come from a broken home, however, I wish my parents had split when I was much younger. I would have been through a lot less if they had logically evaluated the situation and realized that the toxicity of their relationship flowed over in to my life and my little sister's life. What you need to do is see someone and evaluate what is best for you and your family. Don't just stick around for the kids. Speaking from experience, that is not always the best course of action. See someone by yourself and then see someone with your husband. I think that's the only way to come up with a proper course of action. Good luck.
     
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  19. Nevermore

    Nevermore Regular Poster

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    I agree that not rocking the boat for the 'sake of the children' is just about the worst thing you can do to both yourself and your children. As someone who comes from a divorced family it's not the big terrible crushing thing that people make out it is. Having parents living a lie or constantly at each other is. Do the adult thing here and resolve your relationship conflicts in the best possible way, that is a good role model for children and far more important to their emotional wellbeing than merely sticking together for the sake of it. If you can demonstrate good relationship skills for them, even if the relationship eventually ends, then you are doing them a truly great service.
     
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  20. Gaze

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    @sunny, maybe the question is, does the husband know about the affair, if he does, how did he react?
     
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    #20 Gaze, Sep 13, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2010
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