Does trust come easily for you?

[AUM]

I think the title is self-explanatory but I'll try to expand more on it. Basically, this issue comes over and over again in my everyday life: Trust. Is it so hard for an INFJ to come to trust people, even people that they know well? The moment I begin to feel that a person is about to know me and be my friend, I get away from them as soon as possible. I even deleted my facebook because many people already knew too much about me, but the thing is that I really do want some meaningful relationships, friends and those sorts of things. But I become very tense and worked up that somebody is going to get to know me in a different level. In addition, people get upset with me that they disclose many things about themselves, but I never do the same.

Does anyone have any advice on this?Or better yet, share some of your experiences regarding this issue as well. Comments and constructive criticism are welcome.

Thank you

 

[IndigoSensor]

It's hard for me to explain, but trust isn't that much of an issue for me. It is in a romantic sense because I have a hard time trusting what I feel because I get too invested and play disaster scenarios in my head. Added with my high level of emotional needs, it can make "trusting" hard. Even then the issue isn't exactly trust, it's more of living in the moment and just letting be.

Trust is kind of intrinsic for me. I have always knew since I was little who I could and could not trust; it's just inate I guess. I honestly never even really think about trust as it is so ingrained within me on how to work with it.

 

[AUM]

It's hard for me to explain, but trust isn't that much of an issue for me. It is in a romantic sense because I have a hard time trusting what I feel because I get too invested and play disaster scenarios in my head. Added with my high level of emotional needs, it can make "trusting" hard. Even then the issue isn't exactly trust, it's more of living in the moment and just letting be.

Trust is kind of intrinsic for me. I have always knew since I was little who I could and could not trust; it's just inate I guess. I honestly never even really think about trust as it is so ingrained within me on how to work with it.

Hey Indigo,

I should've been more specific on the kind of trust I was referring to. I think there are two types of trust: superficial and deep. A superficial trust in this context refers to an intuitive trust that you get from certain people, or in other words, a vibe. It doesn't require any credentials or experience for you to decide that this person is trustworthy. Usually, this trust I get right away and know which people I can count on for certain things and situations. I think this was what you were referring to in your post. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Deep trust integrates intuition but also your heart. I imagine it's the type of trust that you would consider when you find the perfect partner and decide to marry. It is the type of trust that it requires for you to open up to someone and confide in telling even your darkest secrets and not being afraid of how the other person might take it. I usually have a lot of self-doubt as to what I should or shouldn't say to others, since I don't know them very well and I might say something that would offend them. I may trust them superficially, from that intuitive vibe I was talking up earlier, but I would still be quite reserved in telling them even deeper things about myself.

And it's precisely the latter type of trust that I have trouble with.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Superficial vs deep.

I'll trust most people insofar as I intuit them to be trustworthy - so it isn't a matter of putting trust in them, but a matter of managing risk. This is the most superficial 'trust' I'll give anyone.

Middle-trust. This is the trust that extends to letting people know my thoughts and feelings. Few people get this trust - strangely I don't mind extending my thoughts and feelings to people on this forum for many reasons.

Deep trust. I have rarely let people in this deep. This is reserved for very close friends or for that 'one special person.'



I deal with the first kind of trust all the time. The second only in trusted company. The third may have surfaced with three people at most in my life.

 

[ambivalent]

It makes me smile when I hear the people thinking just like me.

I totally understand what you are getting at. I feel the same way sometimes but this can happen for lots of reasons. For me, it was because I decided to confide in the wrong people and it's important, especially for us, to choose the right ones to tell. We are all sensitive on so many different levels and it's important we become a little more thick skinned when it comes to who we share our thoughts with.

I suffer from the same issue where I don't like to divulge. The truth is we have to take a risk with some of them else you become too cooped up in our own worlds. We can't be afraid to get hurt, and on the flip side, it's a learning curve.

For me, its a case of try it and see but don't make the mistake (like I often do) is not trusting at all, and then telling too much once you know them just a little (becoming too trusting). Make them earn your trust, and if they a good friend they'll understand.

FYI, I deleted my FB more than once too! But you can use it just to keep in touch with others and don't necessarily have to tell the world what you do every 10mins like some people do!

 

[AUM]

Superficial vs deep.

I'll trust most people insofar as I intuit them to be trustworthy - so it isn't a matter of putting trust in them, but a matter of managing risk. This is the most superficial 'trust' I'll give anyone.

Middle-trust. This is the trust that extends to letting people know my thoughts and feelings. Few people get this trust - strangely I don't mind extending my thoughts and feelings to people on this forum for many reasons.

Deep trust. I have rarely let people in this deep. This is reserved for very close friends or for that 'one special person.'



I deal with the first kind of trust all the time. The second only in trusted company. The third may have surfaced with three people at most in my life.

And if you wouldn't mind sharing: How did these people who have your purest deep trust, get to such a ranking? How did they get promoted from superficial to middle, finally into CEO?

 

[AUM]

It makes me smile when I hear the people thinking just like me.

I totally understand what you are getting at. I feel the same way sometimes but this can happen for lots of reasons. For me, it was because I decided to confide in the wrong people and it's important, especially for us, to choose the right ones to tell. We are all sensitive on so many different levels and it's important we become a little more thick skinned when it comes to who we share our thoughts with.

I suffer from the same issue where I don't like to divulge. The truth is we have to take a risk with some of them else you become too cooped up in our own worlds. We can't be afraid to get hurt, and on the flip side, it's a learning curve.

For me, its a case of try it and see but don't make the mistake (like I often do) is not trusting at all, and then telling too much once you know them just a little (becoming too trusting). Make them earn your trust, and if they a good friend they'll understand.

FYI, I deleted my FB more than once too! But you can use it just to keep in touch with others and don't necessarily have to tell the world what you do every 10mins like some people do!

Hi Ambivalent,

First of all thank you for sharing your experience.

Yeah, I understand perfectly what you mean by "choosing the right ones to trust". I don't know if it happens to you too, that there is a threshold that once a person passes, is a risk that you might get hurt. Or on the other hand, create a blissful relationship if it was the correct person for you to confide.

I'm always too afraid to become too vulnerable for others to see my real self. I feel naked and no longer in control of the situation(or at least, that's how I think of it in that moment).

And in regards to the FB account, I have done it several times but this time I permanently deleted it. And I won't lie, I do feel ashamed that many people did consider me as a friend, and I just gave them a doorslam with no apparent reason. Who knows, I might create another account, but I wouldn't be too confident that they would accept me as a friend because of what I did.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

And if you wouldn't mind sharing: How did these people who have your purest deep trust, get to such a ranking? How did they get promoted from superficial to middle, finally into CEO?

1. Loyalty in extreme circumstances. 2. Love (I can't believe how blinded I was). 3. Deepest of deep friendship.

 

[Roger]

Yes, trust is most important thing of any relationship. I will not much things about. I think, many people can define their beliefs about trust and how they maintain in their life.

I will say: It is very easy to destruct anyone's trust, but very tough to maintain. True trust is like gold, when you find it in your life, love it. I love true trust.

 

[Trifoilum]

Superficial vs deep.

I'll trust most people insofar as I intuit them to be trustworthy - so it isn't a matter of putting trust in them, but a matter of managing risk. This is the most superficial 'trust' I'll give anyone.

Middle-trust. This is the trust that extends to letting people know my thoughts and feelings. Few people get this trust - strangely I don't mind extending my thoughts and feelings to people on this forum for many reasons.

Deep trust. I have rarely let people in this deep. This is reserved for very close friends or for that 'one special person.'

I deal with the first kind of trust all the time. The second only in trusted company. The third may have surfaced with three people at most in my life.

Hey Indigo,

I should've been more specific on the kind of trust I was referring to. I think there are two types of trust: superficial and deep.

And it's precisely the latter type of trust that I have trouble with.

I'm with both of you in this one. I categorize within "people I can safely be around with", "people I can tell my interest and feelings", and "people I can tell my secret and flaws", and "people I can tell about me"

it's made based on risk involved, things hidden and/or opened, and judged in the criteria of... I don't know. Intuition?

 

[Roger]

It makes me smile when I hear the people thinking just like me.

I totally understand what you are getting at. I feel the same way sometimes but this can happen for lots of reasons. For me, it was because I decided to confide in the wrong people and it's important, especially for us, to choose the right ones to tell. We are all sensitive on so many different levels and it's important we become a little more thick skinned when it comes to who we share our thoughts with.

I suffer from the same issue where I don't like to divulge. The truth is we have to take a risk with some of them else you become too cooped up in our own worlds. We can't be afraid to get hurt, and on the flip side, it's a learning curve.

For me, its a case of try it and see but don't make the mistake (like I often do) is not trusting at all, and then telling too much once you know them just a little (becoming too trusting). Make them earn your trust, and if they a good friend they'll understand.

FYI, I deleted my FB more than once too! But you can use it just to keep in touch with others and don't necessarily have to tell the world what you do every 10mins like some people do!

It looks like online trust is risky for you. Trust is always risky step to build anything. Giving true trust online is more risky because internet has only one dimension.

 

[yepunsarang]

no, but I know pretty much right away when I can trust someone for sure. I guess I have a knack for things like this. The only issue is that there aren't a whole lot of people like that...

 

[Ria]

It's hard for me to explain, but trust isn't that much of an issue for me. It is in a romantic sense because I have a hard time trusting what I feel because I get too invested and play disaster scenarios in my head. Added with my high level of emotional needs, it can make "trusting" hard. Even then the issue isn't exactly trust, it's more of living in the moment and just letting be.

Trust is kind of intrinsic for me. I have always knew since I was little who I could and could not trust; it's just inate I guess. I honestly never even really think about trust as it is so ingrained within me on how to work with it.

^^ this ^^

 

[Peppermint]

I distrust everyone by default; until proven otherwise.

 

[Billy]

I think the title is self-explanatory but I'll try to expand more on it. Basically, this issue comes over and over again in my everyday life: Trust. Is it so hard for an INFJ to come to trust people, even people that they know well? The moment I begin to feel that a person is about to know me and be my friend, I get away from them as soon as possible. I even deleted my facebook because many people already knew too much about me, but the thing is that I really do want some meaningful relationships, friends and those sorts of things. But I become very tense and worked up that somebody is going to get to know me in a different level. In addition, people get upset with me that they disclose many things about themselves, but I never do the same.

Does anyone have any advice on this?Or better yet, share some of your experiences regarding this issue as well. Comments and constructive criticism are welcome.

Thank you

Are you hiding something from all these people? That seems like a weird reason to not trust people who become your friends.

I trust people, easily? no, not easily I put people behind a lot of walls and as they prove their worth to me I let them through more and more of them.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.

However, I rarely divulge greatly personal things. I think it's something to avoid rejection; I've never really fully understood it. I'll tell people I don't know too well very deep things, whereas I won't tell my friends anything at all.
I need to know the person won't freak out. I need to understand that it won't change things, or that they won't think less of me. It's not conscious; sometimes I can tell, and sometimes I just straight-up can't.

As for relationship trust, I very, very rarely get close to anyone. I've fallen in love once; it's strange to suddenly need someone, when I've spent all my life feeling distant. Even when far away from everyone I had ever known, I felt more lonely than "missing" specific people most of the time. So, I guess in that sense, I really don't trust much at all.

 

[Paixlune]

Superficial vs deep.

I'll trust most people insofar as I intuit them to be trustworthy - so it isn't a matter of putting trust in them, but a matter of managing risk. This is the most superficial 'trust' I'll give anyone.

Middle-trust. This is the trust that extends to letting people know my thoughts and feelings. Few people get this trust - strangely I don't mind extending my thoughts and feelings to people on this forum for many reasons.

Deep trust. I have rarely let people in this deep. This is reserved for very close friends or for that 'one special person.'



I deal with the first kind of trust all the time. The second only in trusted company. The third may have surfaced with three people at most in my life.

I've never gotten past that 'middle-trust' with anyone. I like this analogy very much which sort of sucks, because for me it says I am always waiting for someone to betray my trust and I just want to mitigate damages.

 

[Paixlune]

However, I rarely divulge greatly personal things. I think it's something to avoid rejection; I've never really fully understood it. I'll tell people I don't know too well very deep things, whereas I won't tell my friends anything at all.

I do this same thing! I always thought my spilling my guts to the unknown simply because they do not mean anything to me and so I can walk away if they 'reject me': my heart is intact. I don't have any emotional investment built into them. But to those I know and have invested emotional time in, these are the people that I find harder to share something that may make them reject me.

Hopefully that makes sense.

 

[AUM]

Are you hiding something from all these people? That seems like a weird reason to not trust people who become your friends.

I trust people, easily? no, not easily I put people behind a lot of walls and as they prove their worth to me I let them through more and more of them.

I think that my main problem is that I'm afraid of being left too defenseless and vulnerable of what it implies letting someone in your circle of trust. All my life I've learned to take care of myself and to depend on nobody. I enjoy my freedom and independence from emotional non-attachment with others and situations. When I no longer enjoy being where I am, I simply leave and go to another place and meet new people. However doing that has resulted in not having a long history with others because I never let them have enough time to get to that stage of a relationship, be it friendship or romantic.

I just guess that I have made this a habit that has proved too difficult to break.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

I do this same thing! I always thought my spilling my guts to the unknown simply because they do not mean anything to me and so I can walk away if they 'reject me': my heart is intact. I don't have any emotional investment built into them. But to those I know and have invested emotional time in, these are the people that I find harder to share something that may make them reject me.

Hopefully that makes sense.

That makes perfect sense. I think I feel much the same way; that, and people you don't know won't carry your feelings on them like a burden. It's just an outlet -- and you almost certainly won't hurt them or make their life more difficult.