Does sorry matter? | INFJ Forum

Does sorry matter?

Discussion in 'Philosophy and Religion' started by Barnabas, Jul 3, 2010.

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  1. Barnabas

    Barnabas Time Lord

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    Here's a thought, does sorry matter if you don't change your behavior that led you to be sorry or if you have nothing to be sorry about.



    What if you are forced to change your behavior but arn't sorry?

    Is being sorry all that important at all?
     
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  2. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    It is to me. It means that myself, or the other party realizes that what occured was an ill action, and in some way needs to be fixed, discussed, or expressed in a form of appology. When I say sorry, I mean it. Of course the extent to which I actually feel sorry is highly variable on the cirumstances.

    If one keeps repeating the same kind of error after expressing a sorry statement, then it does loose meaning. You can't jump in their head to actually see if they are truly feeling sorry, but in the majority of cases I am willing to bet people who end up repeating the same cirumstances are not actually feeling sorry in a genuine way. As such I often distance myself or cut contact all together from such things.

    What really matters to me more then anything a person does, is intention. I try my hardest (and I often put too much effort into this to be honest) to extract the persons intention with something. If this means bluntly asking when I can without breeching a social rule, or reading into the contexts of what happened, then I will do it. If you understand the intentions of a person, then you understand who they are and that is what matters in the end. I do not associate with people with bad intentions (in the majority of all their intentions). However, if peoples actions begin to betray their good intentions, then that will outweigh things because it means they need to grow more as a person. What that adds up to, is if they are truly sorry or not.
     
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  3. AUM

    AUM The Romantic Scientist

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    It may matter for the person to whom you said sorry. Like Indigo said, when someone says they're sorry, I expect them to change their behavior that led them to apologize in the first place with the intention that the offense doesn't repeat itself ever again.

    Tough question, this may lead to resentment from the part of the person obliged to change such behavior. The only way for true change arises from your wish to amend for past offenses, but if you're just doing because you've been forced, then it could result detrimental for both parties. One being resented and the other losing the other's respect.

    It's important if you've learned something meaningful and it is your wish to fix whatever it is that you're being held accountable for. Being sorry can also mean understanding what the other person is going through and feeling bad that such event had to occur in the first place.
     
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    #3 AUM, Jul 3, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2010
  4. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    If nobody was genuinely sorry for anything ever, we'd be a society of nothing but sociopaths. Guilt is nature's way of making sure that complex social animals are actually capable of being social.
     
  5. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Sorry doesn't matter.
    It's just a word, and we always try to remedy the ineffable with words.

    And I'm an unforgiving bitch anyway.
     
  6. Detective Conan

    Detective Conan Doesn't Cast Shadows

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    When I was younger, I was raised to believe the word was powerful and meant a lot. It was a way to portray regret and try to bridge the gap created by something you did (or got blamed for do, whatever the case). As I grew older, I heard the word used more and more frequently.

    I guess what I'm getting at is, well... have you ever said a word over and over and over again non-stop until it lost all meaning? Try it!

    SorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorrySorry

    Wow, what does that word even mean, you might be thinking? (or not, if you happen to be someone who abuses that word like the man of the house would to his chambermaid). To me, it means the same thing as it did before I repeated it to obscurity.

    Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

    HOWEVER, I do believe that the emotion and feeling that should be portrayed through the use of the word exists. Which is really odd, because I don't believe in unicorns or flying turtles...
     
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  7. Siamese cat

    Siamese cat Madame Cat strikes again

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    To me it matters a lot if it is sincere, it can even matter more than some other things a person can say or do.

    On the other side, I have a friend who has a habit to be chronically late to every appointment we make, and to say sorry every time, and that she'll never do it again. At first I was mad at her for not being sincere, now I just tell her that we'll met 2 hours previous to what really is the time that I want to meet her, so I have no problem when she is two hours late, since she is right on time. And no, I have never told her what I'm doing. :D I still think it's disrespectful what she does, but I'm not bothered by it so much anymore.

    When I'm saying it, I really mean it, and I try not to abuse that word because it means a lot to me. It's my policy to treat people the way I want to be treated.
     
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  8. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    There are grades of meaningfulness when people say sorry.

    Some Different Grades of Sorry:

    1. The Agonised Sorry. From someone who is usually too dignified, well-behaved, or proud to ever really use the word. When such a person says sorry, I almost feel like apologising for their having to say it.

    2. The Sorry from a Good Person. From someone who is always sincerely good-willed and you know that they had no real (or lasting) ill intention when they acted ill. You know their sorry is real.

    3. The Sincere Sorry. From someone who is straight-talking. If they say they are sorry they are.

    4. The Isolated-Person Sorry. From someone who cannot handle the loss of good relationships on account of their actions and want to restore their social network. Their sorry is a function of insecurity - and while they might not be sorry about what they have done to you, they at least want good relations back.

    5. The Defensive Sorry. From someone whose reputation or convenience is marred by refusing to say sorry. They are just bowing to peer pressure. This kind of sorry means nothing to me.

    6. The Ambitious Sorry. From someone who is seeking to advance, not restore, their position by saying sorry, with no real regret. Sorry is just a means to an end. This kind of sorry is insulting.

    7. The Bullshit/Insulting Sorry. From those who say sorry without even a guise, or pretence of real sorrow - usually made as an act of contempt. This kind of sorry is a challenge begging for retribution.
     
  9. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    Sorry only means something if the person saying it gives it meaning. As is the way with all words, I think.

    (Did that answer the question? I'm not sure...)
     
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  10. Broken Beggar

    Broken Beggar Regular Poster

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    Sorry is a word that, through personal experience, I have learned means little.

    Anyone can say they're sorry. People feel guilty when they do things that they know are wrong. The problem is that most people don't want to take any action to prove their apology, and will end up eventually repeating the same behaviour they apologised for in the past.

    So no, the word means little (to me at least). I never listen to apologies anymore. I expect people to prove to me that they're sorry. The word "sorry" isn't enough.
     
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  11. Roger

    Roger ...

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    this question sounds like self doubt question. I don't have any problem. this reminds of my one friend and i miss her now a days.

    We all make mistake and we should not feel guilty if we have done some mistakes or serious errors. Sorry is used at important and sensitive occasions. Not as playful toy. I dislike people who try to force others to say sorry, such narrow mindedness. Who would like to do this?

    Even if you say sorry, you will not become small. you will learn how to be happy. Reply to narrow mindedness.
     
  12. Roger

    Roger ...

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    Hmm types of sorry. Interesting and speaks about truth.
     
  13. magister343

    magister343 Permanent Fixture

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    Sorry is the adjective form of sorrow. I personally don't like how it has been made into a ritualistic (often feigned) expression of regret for some personal guilt. It ought to be an expression of emotional pain in general, and in particular of compassion towards those who have experienced a misfortune rather caused by the sorry individual or not.

    Some sorrow can be beneficial at motivating repentance or restitution, but too much sorrow can have the opposite effect, or making removing all hope that things can improve and thus the reason to try.
     
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  14. the

    the Si master race.
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    Sorry matters to me but not if I hear it all the time.
     
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  15. Skathac

    Skathac <font color=#27A601>Community Member</font>

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    I can forgive pretty easily given enough time to cool off. If the apology is sincere I will more than likely always accept it. If it is insincere and I damn well know it, then I'll tell em to talk to me again when they truly regret their actions.

    I apologize when I feel in the wrong, although there are times when it is necessary for me to say that I am sorry when I damn well know that I am right...I will only do this when it is over something that really doesn't matter and the subsequent argument would be a bigger headache than it is worth.

    There is something that happens very rarely...when I offer an apology and someone throws it back in my face. Most of the time I try to keep a level head and just understand that they are upset with me, at this point I just try to keep the situation from escalating anymore. If I never felt wrong to begin with and they throw my apology back in my face.... well I tried and now they get the extremely pissed off Skathac that I guess they wanted to argue with in the first place, I've had alot of bridges get burned down in situations like this.
     
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