I don't hold a grudge to people who have done something that i don't like (either to me or to whoever). If it's someone i care about, i will talk it through, and eventually even 'agree to disagree'.
If it's something i can't live with, i simply part ways with the person.
If it's a bad person doing something to someone else, i will not hold a grudge, but i'll know very well what this person is capable of and i will stay away from him/her, will not answer calls and avoid chatting to him/her in social encounters.
Edit:
I would also like to add, that i did hold grudges when i was younger. What helped me not hold grudges and release anger, is changing my point of view about people i care about;
In the past, i would see every friend of mine as an idea of a 'Friend'. This idea was like the 'Ideal friend' which i will do everything for him/her, and expect the same the other way around.
I expected my friends to be like me. To sacrifice and care for each other like the closest brothers.
In time i learned, that the best for me is to see people for what they are, with the good and the bad, and defining them as themselves - in example: Nathan is not a bad friend, or a good friend :
Nathan is simply Nathan. -
And i choose how close i want to get to that person. Therefore, if i know someone from my circle of friends is not loyal, i will simply not get too attached and close. If someone is loyal, i definitely
will. That way i do not expect from my friends to be friends, i expect them to be who they are!
And as an INFJ who is really (i could not even begin to explain) really good about figuring people out from the inside out, and from the outside in, it's really not that difficult to know who i want close
to me and who i want far.
I hope this will help anyone here holding grudges for people who just don't give back as much as you expect them to!
Love you guys. Cheers!
If it's something i can't live with, i simply part ways with the person.
If it's a bad person doing something to someone else, i will not hold a grudge, but i'll know very well what this person is capable of and i will stay away from him/her, will not answer calls and avoid chatting to him/her in social encounters.
Edit:
I would also like to add, that i did hold grudges when i was younger. What helped me not hold grudges and release anger, is changing my point of view about people i care about;
In the past, i would see every friend of mine as an idea of a 'Friend'. This idea was like the 'Ideal friend' which i will do everything for him/her, and expect the same the other way around.
I expected my friends to be like me. To sacrifice and care for each other like the closest brothers.
In time i learned, that the best for me is to see people for what they are, with the good and the bad, and defining them as themselves - in example: Nathan is not a bad friend, or a good friend :
Nathan is simply Nathan. -
And i choose how close i want to get to that person. Therefore, if i know someone from my circle of friends is not loyal, i will simply not get too attached and close. If someone is loyal, i definitely
will. That way i do not expect from my friends to be friends, i expect them to be who they are!
And as an INFJ who is really (i could not even begin to explain) really good about figuring people out from the inside out, and from the outside in, it's really not that difficult to know who i want close
to me and who i want far.
I hope this will help anyone here holding grudges for people who just don't give back as much as you expect them to!
Love you guys. Cheers!
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