Do you hold grudges?

[Flavus Aquila]

No.

People are people, and holding onto negative emotions serves nobody. It has zero purpose.

Some relationships can be made permanently awkward in my eyes, however. Even that can be overcome for the most part with effort though.

You should start a thread about the dynamic of people holding onto negative emotions, or negativity. It sort of might provide some beneficial function, but its negative impact on your own standard of living isn't worth it. Besides there are intellectual/behavioural processes that eliminate the need of holding onto negativity, which provide the same benefits in terms of self-protection.

 

[Vict]

Like a yard mutt with a marrow-filled bone. Come's the time it gets chewed down to nothing and I look for something else to gnaw on.

 

[Jill Hives]

I would love to say that I don't, but...I do. I don't hold grudges over really small matters ever, but if someone has severely hurt me or oppressed me in some way in the past, my lips curl when I think of it. I don't actively go out of my way to think about those things or ruminate over them regularly or anything (most of the time). But the moment something brings it back into the light, I'm back to being a growling snarling beast. I prefer not to pour lemon juice into old wounds by thinking about them a lot, but they never really go away.

I whole heartedly agree with those who say that it has no good purpose to hold onto negative emotions. I'm working on being a bigger person, but I have a long way to go.

 

[JGirl]

holding a grudge is toxic. it's unfair to do that to YOURSELF. when you hold a grudge you are giving permission to the person who wronged you to continue to dictate your emotional state.
if you can let go they have no power over you, hence the situation that started the grudge has no power over you.

 

[Nixie]

I think though that there is a process for being able to let something go. I think the whole "grudge" state of being is a step in that process. You have to be able to internalize your pain/anger/upset and recognize it and where it comes from. When you reach the conclusion (rightly or wrong have no meaning here) that someone else is the cause of this--that is where it shifts focus from you to the them and what they did. I think you have to shift that focus back onto you and how you plan on dealing with it to resolve the situation. Whether by poor modeling by authority figures, selfishness, or something else--some people (and sometimes just some situations) that shift is never made back from the external focus to the internal decision on how to resolve things.

 

[Stu]

It may or may not be a grudge but if someone is deliberately mean to me I tend to keep my distance indefinitely.

 

[Skathac]

I tend to remember everything, especially transgressions to ensure that they do not repeat themselves. When I was a young man I held many grudges, as I gained wisdom I found that striving to cast off negativity makes me a happier person in general. I generally see a grudge as a transgression that you will eventually seek revenge for, with that in mind no...I no longer hold grudges.

 

[Vanixaria]

Dare I air this dirty little laundry? Sure, I'm here, why not?

I hold definite grudges, but I'm heartless. When I hold a grudge it is due to the fact that receiver of said grudge is excrement and a degradation to humanity as a whole. They are the thorns. Now, I don't hold a grudge forever, just long enough to fuel the fire of revenge - served very cold. Initially when I'm hurt, I am hurt past the depth of my soul - and yes this is possible. It causes me to over-analyze myself as I feel I must have failed in order to have been hurt in some way. So, the person who hurt me then becomes the personification of all personal failures and thus I am vehemently adamant about its demise. I figure out the core fear, or pain of the person who betrayed me and serve it back to them as publicly as I can muster (usually while I'm behind the stage working as the puppet master). Once vengeance has been gained, my grudge is replaced with total apathy and the offender's existence is moot.

(On the other hand, I would saw off my hand if I deemed you worthy of it and that's how I am with most people).

 

[Elaf]

for now i don't have any because my heart is really weak , i can't send it to the battle going on out there in the real , i need to keep the PRECIOUS away .
but the biggest harm in my life is my father , he is the enemy , if i could send him away ~ but i forgave him for what he did to me and my family , not because of him but because of me , i wanna live in peace , i didn't live in peace since my birth .
i think hurting your self by holding grudges against a person is a big damage you're doing it to your self , knowing that they lost a PRECIOUS treasure like you would be a big punishment and that's enough

 

[Trifoilum]

You guys are much kinder than I am. >_>

I do and I don't. "Holding a grudge" makes it sound like I purposely hold onto to my hate for that person, which is not the case. My problem is that I don't know how to let go of what happened. I don't think I've ever hated the people who wronged me. I felt angry, yes, but not hate. My anger, as I later have come to understand, is a defense mechanism that protects me in the heat of the moment. In the long run, I am left with sadness and THAT I don't know how to get rid of on my own.


Perhaps it's true that I forgive but not forget, because I've had no problem being around those people and interacting with them in friendly ways, but it happens that I am reminded of what they did and I experience the pain all over again.


So really, I think it's only the sadness that I don't know how to deal with. I don't think I've ever truly hated someone.

To a degree, I'm with Odyne in this case.

However, a part of me silently collects.
Information, knowledge, reflections; looking from different perspective, dissecting each and everything.
creating observations and hypothesis, uncovering assumptions and hidden intentions.

And when a certain line (and some good amount of time) has passed, I found out I can use all that to make a very
precise
strike.

From sum of the parts and fragments of all that's happening; nothing and everything at the same time.
In that sense it appears like a grudge; yet it is as Odyne said, it's not something done with a purpose.
A grudge that doesn't feel like a grudge, perhaps.

 

[Vict]

holding a grudge is toxic. it's unfair to do that to YOURSELF. when you hold a grudge you are giving permission to the person who wronged you to continue to dictate your emotional state.
if you can let go they have no power over you, hence the situation that started the grudge has no power over you.

This doesn't sound satisfying at all.

 

[JGirl]

This doesn't sound satisfying at all.

i've never found the icky negative feeling of grudging to be satisfying either

 

[5r6jhd]

I'll cut the bull shit.

Yes.

 

[James]

It can take time but letting go of grudges and forgiving can be a tremendous release. Confucius said something like "before beginning a journey of revenge first dig two graves." Easy to say but harder to do though, forgiveness, in my experience.

 

[#@&5&49]

I have a hard time letting go of hurt feelings when someone has intentionally hurt me.

 

[JGirl]

It may or may not be a grudge but if someone is deliberately mean to me I tend to keep my distance indefinitely.

i think this is more a matter of self preservation than holding a grudge. i can't say i blame you either - i do the same thing. you don't have to allow shitty people in your life, regardless of who they are

 

[Stu]

"before beginning a journey of revenge first dig two graves.".

I always thought that meant don't leave any witnesses...

 

[Majesty]

One time I was in kindergarden I told the lady that the green car was my mom's car. The lady said that the car was black and that I should learn my colors and she wouldn't believe me when I repeated it was green. I still haven't forgiven her.

In other words: Yes. Even though logically it holds negative emotion and has no purpose and yadda yadda (totally not quoting the people above me), I cant help it. I'm a grudgy moody doody.

 

[Honey]

I do not hold grudges. I do not have the memory for it and I am not really the sort of person who dwells in any particular feeling state for too long. I do write off people occasionally though.

The people who I know who seem really good at holding grudges are usually some Si type with their exceptional and detailed memory for past events and Fi types because they seem to be able to hold on to a particular feeling for very long indeed.

 

[KNiFe]

It is just too short time frame to say yes. I'll try too see the another angle of the situation.

Yesterday there was a situation where most of the people would have been furious, I wasn't. It meant lot for me but there were too many variables present.