I think this post shows you have a pretty deep and nuanced understanding of the INFJ's particular way of showing/feeling empathy.
[INFJ] Do we really have empathy?
- Thread starter JohnJur
- Start date
I think this post shows you have a pretty deep and nuanced understanding of the INFJ's particular way of showing/feeling empathy.
Look at that @Reason . The two ENTJ lovebirds already found their own version of "No U".
Agreed wholeheartedly, and the fact that others don't understand why @Tin Man reacted the way he did just shows a fundamental lack of understanding of autism at even the most basic level.
My son is autistic and he does show plenty of empathy and emotion when he has an understanding of what is going on. He's also an incredibly friendly and social kid, despite it taking several years for him to learn how to be social, but still, this is only around people he knows well. It's not something that is outgrown, it's something you're born with, something they have to work very hard at, and it is different for everyone as well. @Lurk I am terribly sorry for your's and your niece's experiences, it's awful and very unfortunate that she is treated that way by others, but that is not everyone's experience. Luckily, for my son, he has never had to experience bullying and his classmates and teachers have really rallied around him. According to the principal, he's probably the most popular kid in the middle school. He knows he's different but he likes himself the way he is. I adore him the way he is and would never want him any other way. I hope that other communities will eventually follow suit on embracing those on the spectrum for who they are.
Happy Phantom
Well-known member
I have found when discussing autism that some people can react in sensitive ways. As previously mentioned, written words can easily be taken the wrong way.
Lurk is a very kind person with plenty of empathy. She is a very supportive and helpful dear friend and I hate the way this interaction took place. Until this thread I was not aware that @Tin Man was autistic. He and I have had a few conversations and he was very empathetic.
I don’t know what else to say other than perhaps a moderator should have stepped in and tried to privately resolve any misunderstandings.
@acd what I meant by stating that I understood how you felt, I was referring to your friend who was recently banned and how you defended him.
Lurk is a very kind person with plenty of empathy. She is a very supportive and helpful dear friend and I hate the way this interaction took place. Until this thread I was not aware that @Tin Man was autistic. He and I have had a few conversations and he was very empathetic.
I don’t know what else to say other than perhaps a moderator should have stepped in and tried to privately resolve any misunderstandings.
@acd what I meant by stating that I understood how you felt, I was referring to your friend who was recently banned and how you defended him.
Look at that @Reason . The two ENTJ lovebirds already found their own version of "No U".
My matchmaking demise is working.
@James did when things got out of hand. However, we also expect people to behave like adults. We shouldn't have to step in every single time there's a misunderstanding. Again, we are volunteers and have lives outside of the forum, we can't always be here to police everything said. There is no reason that forum members can't PM each other and attempt to privately resolve their misunderstandings themselves. We should only have to step in after this has failed. I encourage you all to take ownership of what you do and say here and try to resolve disagreements on your own before pulling staff into it.
Happy Phantom
Well-known member
In a perfect, idealistic world sure that would be fantastic if everyone got along and there weren’t any misunderstandings. I’m curious how you expect quarreling people on a forum to PM each other to work their shit out? lol I was pulled into an “intervention” last year by a staff member that included myself, staff member and troublemaking member, so your “work your own issues out” before involving staff advice seems flippant to me.
That being said, I considered speaking to them individually but I am not a volunteer so I thought it best not to overstep. And kudos to @James for trying.
It's not flippant at all and I'm sorry you feel that way. This is actually a technique that I use at work all of the time between quarreling employees and it's actually quite effective. It's a leadership technique that forces people out of their comfort zones and to take ownership of their own behavior and it actually builds trust. I expect them to talk it out with each other in a private setting and then if they are unable to solve their issue, then they seek out myself or someone to moderate. Most of the time, they are able to work it out on their own. It comes with maturity, a willingness to actually listen to each other, and understanding where the other is coming from. We're not children, after all.
Happy Phantom
Well-known member
That article hit home with me in a big way. I hate the glorified INFJ descriptions that cast even our darkest qualities into some kind of greater than holy perfection that transcends mortal understanding...
Therefore, I completely empathize with what INFJ Unraveled is trying to say... which is that we are not always altruistic and angelic. I can feel the self deprecating cynicism and pain wafting through cyberspace. He is confronting the Ni-Fe pretty picture with a dose of Ti reality. I do not believe that he is trying to say that INFJs are never truly empathetic. He is painting a picture of the inverse; a colder, darker truth that can be uncomfortable to face. Every single human being can be self serving. INFJs are not immune to this, even if they are better than most at mirroring what other people need. Mirroring can be either selfish or unselfish. If it is done to hurt someone, it is obviously selfish. If it is done to reach a deeper level of human understanding, and to share someone else's truth, then it can become unselfish (even if it is technically "mirroring") and indistinguishable from true empathy. I believe that we possess the capacity for both, and that it exists on a continuum of selfishness vs. benevolence. Sometimes we do not even understand ourselves, but recognizing that this exists shows a level of maturity and understanding that I find beautiful and refreshing. I believe that the darkness exists in all of us. Sometimes it just bubbles closer to the surface, and is recognized in a way that feels a little too raw to those who want to believe that it is all about love and altruism.
Happy Phantom
Well-known member
Happy Phantom
Well-known member
@Zola and I were talking about ourselves and relating. It would have been nice if our points-of-view had been respected, or at least not hijacked.
As for me, I was blindsided by an angry post from @Tin Man, I did not have him in mind whatsoever prior to that post.
I see how mean I must have seemed, but I was only speaking in relation to my goddaughter and her very specific issues.
This was a misunderstanding that could have been easily clarified.
As for me, I was blindsided by an angry post from @Tin Man, I did not have him in mind whatsoever prior to that post.
I see how mean I must have seemed, but I was only speaking in relation to my goddaughter and her very specific issues.
This was a misunderstanding that could have been easily clarified.
