[INFJ] - Do we really have empathy? | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Do we really have empathy?

Oh no...my fragile ego!

It’s probably true for some people but not all...and people who group even MBTI groups together is discounting the vast differences in personality regardless of their MBTI type.
Everyone mirrors...from the moment we are born.
It’s how we learn to function as people.
We have what are called “mirror neurons” in our brains.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirror_neuron
That doesn’t mean that “mirroring” is absent of empathy, why does that negate empathy?
It’s all semantics.
Your article can apply to many different people across the MBTI spectrum imho.
Either way the author is an angsty SOB
(one who takes the time to stroke his/her own ego by making sure you understand that they have students and administrators alike telling them how cool they are)
((In short - the author is speaking for themselves in regards to their own experience as an INFJ or around INFJs, but just because this person mirrors emotive responses more than shows empathy doesn’t mean everyone does that.)).
lol
 
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I have empathy even when I don't "mirror"

Though I will admit to mirroring some times. I'm pretty sure everybody does it to some extent. However more often than not, what I feel about somebody is not what I express to them. I actually tend to avoid the people I feel the strongest empathy for. There's nothing to mirror if I'm not interacting with them.

This article presupposes meeting the expectation of others which is not what empathy really is.
 
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My gods, this says it all doesn't It?

tumblr_inline_nmaj7sDcRn1sui7wg_400.jpg
 
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I am NOT a coconut but if you want to be a peach pit thingy it's fine with me.

tumblr_inline_nmaj86K9W51sui7wg_250.jpg
 
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Eventhorizon said:
I am NOT a coconut but if you want to be a peach pit thingy it's fine with me.

tumblr_inline_nmaj86k9w51sui7wg_250-jpg.37064
Click to expand...

Mmmmm, dat peach...
 
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Back on topic.
I find the author of the article in question is making many assumptions and opining judgement as to the reasons why someone is genuinely “empathetic”.
It isn’t always mirroring...maybe it is for the author, but I would say that this type of mirroring would occur more often in younger INFJs who are still in HS or such and feel the urge to be someone other then themselves.
Being altruistic and empathetic is not always a self-centered, or self-serving undertaking...and will quite often turn into a negative action with such a mindset (selfish) imho.
I feel that the author whittles it down to that assumption that REAL empathy is nonexistent.
(This goes along with the materialism of western science - that we have no true free will, it’s all just a program in the brain and we are only given the false view that we are making our own choices when in fact we are not - that would make no sense from an evolutionary standpoint)
What a sad and lonely thought about humanity in general...not to mention the further assumptions that INFJs are somehow not really being empathetic but are mirroring that person’s sadness or whatever in order to help them feel better.....yeah, no.
He/she makes sure to call it an “unconscious” action, and has taken true feelings of empathy off the table as a real possibility.
If he/she can’t also discuss and understand true empathy, then I have doubts about all they say as he/she projects their own feelings (or lack of) onto the INFJ type.
No we don’t ride luck dragons (except in our heads).
(Not to mention again that the author also talks about others stroking their egos while they do so throughout the article.)
I wonder if the author has felt real empathy themselves.
It’s not a selfish way of being or feeling.
 
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:rujimonkey:
 
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There are different types of empathy. It is more unusual for someone to not experience empathy than to have it.. of course INFJs have empathy. Most everyone does to different degrees. There is cognitive empathy or perspective taking--where you put yourself in someone else's shoes. There is emotional empathy, where you are unconsciously adept at reading nonverbal cues and body language and you find yourself actually feeling what the other person feels (and then you have to learn how to separate your experience from someone else's.)

This is a strange article. He seems confused about what empathy is. I think mirroring is different. When you empathize, you're joining into someone else's experience--not putting on a show. You're sharing in your humanity.
 
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I cannot say we turn on or turn off empathy, either. It comes and it slowly goes. There are those seem like they have no care about others. There are also those who care a lot for their friends. Then there are those who feel almost everyone. I think we go through times of feeling others' pain or emotions, then we go through times of when it actually starts to influence behavior and actions/reactions: dreams and visions. I feel some at some times can actually feel what others are going through to an extent. I don't really know what causes these differences in depth, but I understand a river has different depths and currents: rapids and pools. I'd like to think of it in that way, as it is certainly not like a 100 watt light bulb.
 
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JohnJur said:
Hello, everyone!
Recently, I found this article:

https://infjunraveled.tumblr.com/post/115489470801/infj-mirroring-pt-1

It really hit me, because it describes my behaviour perfectly.

What are your opinions?
Click to expand...

A brief reply: I was troubled by my lack of sadness when my father and grandmother died. Very troubled. I discussed it with my wonderful therapist, whom I respected very much. She simply stated that if I was concerned by my lack of emotion, I needn't worry. She also bluntly slammed down the real truth: You don't automatically love your family members, even first degree members. Love is never automatic; we all must earn it.

Related to OP: If you recognize your socially adaptive behaviors (mirroring, etc), and feel "off," or disconcerted, then you are probably normal, with normal empathy. People with no empathy don't reflect on such issues often; in my experience, they almost never do.

Empathy can be learned. When I was a child, I functioned as an autistic (in regards to empathy); not only did I feel little for others, I felt little drive to socialize or communicate with them. I was indifferent. In my late teens, my best friend explained how some of my behaviors made her feel, and it just clicked with me. I went on to develop the capacity for powerful empathy.

Just my story, for what it's worth.
 
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acd said:
This is a strange article. He seems confused about what empathy is. I think mirroring is different.
Click to expand...

Right. The author (Wendy Neeld?) doubts the reality of "empathy" or "psychic" ability.

First of all, states of mind are subjective. She can admit to being phony if she wants. However, she cannot call other people phony.

Authenticiy is something INFJs strive for. Yes, I agree with her that we have the ability to be manipulative. That is something we can (and should IMO) resist.

So, if I rescue earthworms from drowning in puddles, what does that say? No one is watching and admiring me. The worms don't say thank-you. God doesn't promise to reward me. How does that action give me what I need? I'd much rather keep walking and not get my hands cold and muddy. Who am I "mirroring?" Yet, this empathetic response is natural for me.

I won't even get into psychic experiences. Who wants to admit to having one of those? People mock you. The picture of Jesus riding a dragon implies that being a prophet would be enjoyable -- a power trip.

I enjoyed reading the author's analysis of the INFJ thought processes. It's interesting. However, her assertions are false for me.
 
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