Do opposites really attract?
- Thread starter Gaze
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If we want something more concrete and less subjective, my father is an INFP and my mother is an ESTJ and I can say with no doubts in my mind that they have never had a single "fight" in their entire 27 year marriage!
Now, they certainly disagreed and for the beginning years of their marriage they struggled to understand how to live together (i.e. my mom would constantly offend my dad, unbeknownst to her
).
The glue, if you will, that held them together was three-fold:
1) God was their priority. They shared this priority (the common values thing bananaphone mentioned).
2) They believed that marriage was permanent and so giving up was never an option to be considered.
3) They fell in love before they were married, they chose to be in love everyday after.
They believed that you could choose to love someone even when you weren't "feeling it", and when they exercised that choice legitimately, the feelings always came back.
Now, they certainly disagreed and for the beginning years of their marriage they struggled to understand how to live together (i.e. my mom would constantly offend my dad, unbeknownst to her
). The glue, if you will, that held them together was three-fold:
1) God was their priority. They shared this priority (the common values thing bananaphone mentioned).
2) They believed that marriage was permanent and so giving up was never an option to be considered.
3) They fell in love before they were married, they chose to be in love everyday after.
They believed that you could choose to love someone even when you weren't "feeling it", and when they exercised that choice legitimately, the feelings always came back.
Two shades of the same color are, as in identical personalities. The scope of the question focuses on relations between people, not individuals.
Personalities are complex but my statement is about differences in opinions and preferences, which aren't really possible at the individual level, at least for the clinically sane.
No, opposites do not attract. The more alike you are to someone, the better you will get along with them, and in the case of romantic partners, the more likely that you will have a successful and happy relationship.
This.
I personally think at the beginning, contrast really helps two people to get attracted at each other, in the case of 'filling what's empty inside', but as the relationship goes on, it would be better to have a common ground to stand together....or to have a amiable temperament.
hmm . . . so, the answer seems to be that opposites do attract but it's not always workable in the long term, or it perhaps really depends on the couple. Just as someone else mentioned, it's sometimes easier to be attracted to the qualities in people that we lack, but when we develop those areas, we either grow together with them because we're now more similar or we grow apart because we now have the qualities we need in our selves, and we don't need them to be what we feel we couldn't be.
I think the word that sums this up is "complement". It can be "opposite", but there's a difference. I lifted this off of Wikipedia:
"the complement of X is something that together with X makes a complete whole
I believe for certain people or certain personality types, opposites do attract and CAN work well if the two are mature enough to handle it.
I was attracted to my ex because of his "opposite" nature and his ability to be spontaneous. However I learned the hard way this is toxic and he's the kind of individual that has really immature values because of it.
I feel like Sensors could get a long with opposites much better than intuitives. If I can't feel like my partner doesn't relate to me on many deeper levels then (long term) it will not work out. I love being spontaneous (even though I am bad at it) and I love a lot of my interests my ex had... however these are simply surface details. So for me (and I imagine the same is true for a lot of others) opposites attract on the surface but on a deeper more meaningful level they unravel.
I'm with someone who is a lot like me at the moment, and he's wonderful. I feel like I can relate to him on a deeper level unlike my ex... even if my ex was more exciting in the spontaneous sense. But that said, my current BF is still a lot of fun too! I was never able to just comfortably hang out with my ex while I can easily do so with my current relationship and it feels completely new to me in a good way.
I was attracted to my ex because of his "opposite" nature and his ability to be spontaneous. However I learned the hard way this is toxic and he's the kind of individual that has really immature values because of it.
I feel like Sensors could get a long with opposites much better than intuitives. If I can't feel like my partner doesn't relate to me on many deeper levels then (long term) it will not work out. I love being spontaneous (even though I am bad at it) and I love a lot of my interests my ex had... however these are simply surface details. So for me (and I imagine the same is true for a lot of others) opposites attract on the surface but on a deeper more meaningful level they unravel.
I'm with someone who is a lot like me at the moment, and he's wonderful. I feel like I can relate to him on a deeper level unlike my ex... even if my ex was more exciting in the spontaneous sense. But that said, my current BF is still a lot of fun too! I was never able to just comfortably hang out with my ex while I can easily do so with my current relationship and it feels completely new to me in a good way.
I think you'll find this interesting http://www.cgjungpage.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=708&Itemid=40
Did someone in this thread say this or am I remembering it from elseware... anyways: The differences that draw you together will irritate you later.
My bf starts the dumbest arguments with me because he says I'm too much of a hermit and too reserved and too aloof and too anti-social.. and yet it's what intrigued him to pursue me in the first place. He says it seemed, "mysterious." He actually gets irritated with me if I decide to stay home or visit family rather than go to a party or a bar (whether he's attending the event or not!) It makes no sense to me. He gets mad at me for not "having enough fun."
I don't argue with him for joining paintball leagues or whatever else he's running around doing so long as I get at least one evening or day a week with him.
I don't think it's enough of a difference to ruin the relationship.. just an irritation. [/vent]
My bf starts the dumbest arguments with me because he says I'm too much of a hermit and too reserved and too aloof and too anti-social.. and yet it's what intrigued him to pursue me in the first place. He says it seemed, "mysterious." He actually gets irritated with me if I decide to stay home or visit family rather than go to a party or a bar (whether he's attending the event or not!) It makes no sense to me. He gets mad at me for not "having enough fun."
I don't argue with him for joining paintball leagues or whatever else he's running around doing so long as I get at least one evening or day a week with him.
I don't think it's enough of a difference to ruin the relationship.. just an irritation. [/vent]
I think certain things need to be mutual in a relationship, including certain values, needs, goals, and approaches to the relationship.
A lot can also be learned, but going through the process of one party 'learning' (only if they want to, of course) can be tough on the one who is already in the 'learned' space.
No, I just feel like I couldn't relate to a sensor on a deeper level compaired to an intuitive. My sister is a sensor and so was my ex (though I can relate much better with my sister, perhaps because she is an FJ at least).
Sensors can be deep people in their own ways, I was simply stating in my experience it's hard for me to really connect on a deeper level with them as they don't really think in the manners that I do.
I can relate to this as well. I think it's a matter of compatible perspectives. For example, as an NFP, relating to an SFJ has been extremely difficult. I often feel i have to work extremely hard for them to understand me and vice versa. The ISFJ I know is a family member who i love implicitly but it's difficult because our communication styles and perspectives are so different. It often feels like a continuous struggle to understand each other. But I can't argue that Sensors and Intuitives won't make great couples, but it can be quite difficult to relate.
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i think i'd much rather be with an intuitive. i've been intimately involved with an S longterm and it was difficult partly for that reason. it's such a massive part of who i am.