Do most INFJs prefer being alone?

[Lisabeth]

I love being around people, but I prefer hanging out one-on-one. In large groups, the conversations tend to be pretty superficial...which I don't enjoy. I do need some alone time to recharge afterwards....especially after long stretches of time socializing. When I don't I feel drained and irritable. It's kind of weird because I have to make time to put all the pieces of thoughts and whatever else I absorbed together. Kind of like solving the puzzle...depending on what goes on. When life gets boring or stressful (this is where I get super lame and sad/pathetic) I need the time to escape and fantasize because I am one of those douche types with an unattainable romantic ideal. I am addicted to Facebook, but that's communicating without actually commiting my time.

 

[Trifoilum]

I prefer to be around people about just as much as I want to be alone. Some days it leans more in one direction then the other. Either way in the end it's pretty even for me.

This.

For me the point is, I want to be in control of the people I interact with.

That being said, I certainly value solitude more than some common people would like.

 

[sweetea]

I used to work for a company that had small rooms with easy chairs... so you could take a break by yourself if you needed to. Very cool. I liked that they trusted us enough to let us take time for ourselves... and know that we wouldn't abuse the priviledge.

 

[lunus]

I'm someone who is happy for short periods in my own company, but then begins to get a bit crazy from little interaction. I guess I need muses to be productive, I genuinely get inspired being around creative thinkers and that brings out my chameleon side to drive me to be equally creative.

In relationships, I tend to withdraw when life gets too much and recharge my batteries being surrounded by only my partner and a full series to watch, computer game to get absorbed into or a good book to read. However most of the time, when the world's on an even keel, I love seeing close friends, playing cards or just going for a drink in a bar or while watching TV.

Work-wise, I love the quiet, but I also love being sociable and interacting. If I have essays or project work, I work best when I'm surrounded by others engaged in similar tasks if we can take time out every now and then to discuss ideas. My ideal would be studying in the library with people writing for other classes, to discuss their findings and research. Then their enthusiasm drives me to make similar discoveries. When I worked, my favourite jobs were when the ethos of the company was about working as a team and everyone shared ideas and planning on all the projects, even when you weren't involved in it. When I worked in places where each individual was responsible for their own projects, and just discussed how many hours were left to complete a goal they were just numbers. I suppose it's all personal taste.

 

[soulseeker]

Depends on what kind of alone.. alone in life NO.. but I need my "alone time" I love love love people who are really close to me. I can't live without the people I'm really close with. Maybe I can find new ones but I have to have some people I'm close with to be with me )

But my alone time is also a good time for me to reflect ... i love alone times and just staring at the skies, the trees .. and whatever nature there is around me )

I don't think being alone is boring... well it depends what you do.. I mean if you just stare and think about nothing.. that's boring...<-- unless you're tired ehehehe.... but otherwise, when I'm alone, my mind wanders a LOT or sometimes I just enjoy nature and the peaceful environment around me

but I dislike being alone in a social situation wherein everyone has friends ) and I do not hahahah

 

[noun]

I can't stand being alone. And for some reason that is what I am for the most part. Being alone makes me feel trapped in my head.

 

[korena18]

I have to admit that I enjoy spending time alone. I love the silence around me and the fact that I'm left to my own thoughts to ponder the wonders of the world or general human behavior.

But, I'm a mom, so this luxury only happens at sporadic times. I do enjoy spending time bonding with my kids. However, as an INFJ, I have my limits where I need to recharge by having alone time. I understand this limit and my fiance, who is an ENTJ, helps enable those breaks for me by taking the kids out to lunch or whatever.

I don't mind spending time with close friends (of which I have very, very few) or with other members of my family. But I can only find enjoyment in it for a few hours at a time before I become mentally and emotionally drained. Conversely, I would rather observe strangers than interact with them.

I love how so many of you express the same perspectives as I do on this issue. It isn't that I want to be a recluse. I do feel the need to commune with other people, just not on a frequent basis.

 

[korena18]

I can't stand being alone. And for some reason that is what I am for the most part. Being alone makes me feel trapped in my head.

Hi Noun,

I've experience this as well as an INFJ. I especially experienced it as a young adult like you are. As I'm now in my late 30s, I've notice that I do not encounter this as often unless I'm in distress about a recent issue in my life.

I feel that if being around other people distracts you from your own thoughts, then that is healthy as long as the others you interact with are not 'emothional vampires' who will drain the life out of you because of their negativity or drama. I've noticed that being an INFJ, I tend to attract these types of individuals. It is unhealthy for me and unhealthy for those individuals who choose to live in that state.

What is most important is that you are able to find a balance between recharging your own batteries through alone time and self-reflection along with being around other people. This balance may come quickly for you or it may take years (like it did for me) to perfect. But, I promise you that once you do find this balance, your own thoughts won't bother you as much and new mental doors will open for you.

Sincerely,

Korena18

 

[grt$5vb]

I can use A LOT of alone time. A LOT. Now, after a whole week, I'm gonna want to go out with friends on the weekend, but then I need like a whole day to recuperate from THAT! However, I DO live with extroverts. My super close introvert buddies, 2 INTJ males, I long to be around them every second we are apart. I could spend all day every day next to them... just in their presence, and feel completely zen, for lack of a better word.

I prefer to work nights, because it's quiet & there are no people. I also have to sleep, study, get ready, cook, clean, etc. with music on to drown out the mindless extrovert chatter of my roommates. They don't get it, but they put with me...

 

[CuriousFeeling]

I like a balance. Most times in social settings I tend to listen more than talk, but I don't mind being in someone's company. When I need my alone time though, I really need it, and do not want to be bothered at all. I get antsy if someone enters my space when I want some "me time". I greatly value privacy. But I don't mind being with people as long as things don't get too loud or hectic. If it's a quiet setting, or if I am at a dance, then I quite enjoy being with people.

 

[Free Mind]

I LOVE BEING ALONE. lol. I think I am alone too much. I have a balance if I need it, but most of the time, let me be alone and I will be at my happiest.

 

[TigersGoRAWR]

Lately... Im not enjoying being alone so much.

I used to enjoy it. I used to like sitting in my room and just thinking to myself all the time. But now... meh.
I know being alone gives me free time to think but lately thats not been a good thing. Even when Im around people I still get the same thoughts.
It's just nice to know that when I get the thoughts around people, I can go and hug someone who understands. It makes me feel safe. I feel vulnerable when these thoughts crop up when Im alone. I face them head on anyway, but it never leaves me in a great state.

I used to enjoy being alone and things, but now... alone time for me is okay, but Im never ever at my happiest anymore. For some reason earlier today I felt afraid for admitting to myself that I dont enjoy being alone at the moment. But thats just how it is.

 

[Radiantshadow]

Being alone is a wonderful experience for reasons already listed (recharging, reflection, etc.) but being in the company of close friends is, in some ways, more beneficial because one can move outside of themselves and reach new revelations that might not have been realized otherwise. In the end, I believe I'm content if I know I've done something to help another - whether it's just a smile to brighten their day or a multi-hour conversation concerning more intimate matters. To likely misquote an invaluable lesson: "What we do for ourselves dies with us; what we do for others dies with them" (Ad infinitum to create the most serene ripples possible).

From an MBTI standpoint: Ni is facilitated best by our Fe, which draws from value principles typically seen best in social settings (even if it's just to observe, one is still present). While my knowledge of the MBTI system is far from complete, I associate INFJ's with catalytic properties - Ni is the seed that allows the flower of Humanity to grow (using Fe). For me at least, thoughts must manifest in my actions or they mean nothing; what use is a dream not fulfilled?

*Ahem* Sorry for drifting off-topic.

 

[oldbull23]

As INFJ's we need both alone time and people time. As full of dichotomies as we are, which makes us so wonderfully complex, we are here to serve others and in so doing, to serve ourselves. I must have both in order to exercise my functions and to achieve balance, internal and external. I, myself, use both routine and somewhat mindless tasks when engaged in introspection. Specifically, I live on a little Arabian farm, where every morning I get up about 4:30 and feed & water about 25 horses, very much a routine task that I could do in my sleep. I have the place to myself, stars above, critters to feed me vibes (I believe we thrive on being surrounded by 'life', human or otherwise), fresh air & smells of springtime to fill my senses - all culminating in a usually magnificent sunrise. This set of mundane chores in this setting is not a distraction but an enhancement to my process. I have arranged my life to do this every day. I am thus ready for whatever the day may hit me with. Similarly, I work in the arts, with my hands, leaving my mind free to wander, only interrupted by visual stimuli and the occasional weirdo artist, all pleasant and stimulating, not distracting. I work with one or two other people who I have 'trained' to quite enjoy my mental "bouncing off the walls".
I have found that I use interaction with people, newly encountered or 'an old shoe of a friend', as an opportunity to "exercise" ALL my intuition and feeling skills, somewhat playing a game in my head of "how can I make your day the greatest you have had in a while?" It serves to nurture not only them AND me, but the relationship as well, paving the way for a future pleasant encounter should it be someone I'm likely to encounter again. If you provide people with what they need, they will almost always unknowingly reciprocate.